Tonight’s witty gentleman is a friend to all and filled with awesome. He also made me spit-take coffee all over my monitor with his answers. Get to know him and his fluffy perineum after the cut.

1. You’ve been given the power to invent a new ice cream flavor, what is it?
Vodka and Crystal Light.

2. You’re chosen to remake any movie originally made between 1975-1990. What movie do you remake an how do you cast it?
The Dark Crystal, live action, all male cast, with two added sex scenes…also known as my wedding night.

3. What terrible song gets stuck in your head?
Usually it’s songs that aren’t in my music collection and that I don’t care for. For example, Kylie Minogue’s “Can’t Get You Outta My Head,” of which I know about three lines, so it’s just the chorus on repeat, and also horribly, horribly appropriate. Oh, and when something is stuck in my head I begin walking to the beat, making this song really annoying.

4. Tell us about a woman who has been influential in your life.
My mother, obviously. She was ahead of her time in a small West-Texas town and stood up for what she believed in. In high school she was editor-in-chief of the school newspaper and wrote an article criticizing the administration for not allowing black football players to attend the homecoming dance. She received death threats over the phone and a rumor was spread around that she was pregnant with a black baby. She still fights the good fight in smaller ways now, not making such big waves, but still championing for change.

5. What’s your favorite joke?
I’m fairly quick so I usually prefer quick comebacks. Example: “Would you like another piece of steak?” “No, I can’t take that much meat.” (Followed by sheepish grin.)

6. A band is now following you around performing your personal soundtrack wherever you go, who are they, and what are they playing?
The Supremes and their music, without Diana Ross. As a child I desperately wanted to be a backup dancer, but now that I’m older I’ve discovered the importance of being center stage in your own life.

7. Mad libs question! Give me the following:
Adjective: Fluffy
Body part: Perineum
Adjective: Rigid
Food: Mango
Celebrity: Johnny Weir
Verb: Quiver
Adverb: Deftly
Verb: Shake
Adverb: Swiftly

My best feature is my fluffy perineum, which has been compared to a rigid mango.  Johnny Weir may quiver deftly, but I shake swiftly!