In Which I Am Officially Finished

I am Officially Finished. I am Officially Fucking Finished. I am off the charts, off my rocker, off my nut. I’m OFF.

I am finished agreeing to disagree with people who think their feelings and opinions are worth more than my body. I am finished supporting supposed allies who are willing to sacrifice my rights in the name of acceptance, bipartisanship, or compromise. I am finished allowing the people in my life to stand silent while issues of my health and liberty are at stake.

I am finished being a good listener when no one is listening to me. I am finished listening to accusations of  “closed-mindedness” from people who cannot see past their own noses.

I am finished entertaining the notion that my race, class, gender, or consensual sexual activities in any way impact my ability to make decisions about my own life as a valid opinion. I am finished allowing others to spew biased inaccuracies regarding the issues I care about in my presence. I am finished allowing people who do not respect me into my life.

I am finished prefacing my political views with “I think.” I don’t think; I know. I am finished allowing myself to be interrupted, silenced, and dismissed. I am finished telling myself to wait for the right moment; that moment is now.

I am finished hiding my politics from my friends and acquaintances for fear of confrontation. I am finished being fearful of being considered “radical,” of being accused of “taking everything too seriously,” of being called “crazy.”

I am finished apologizing for my anger. Is my rage making people around me uncomfortable? I am finished considering that a bad thing. I am finished prioritizing peace over justice simply because that is what is expected of me. I am finished putting social graces over my life.

I am finished assuming that someone else will say what I am thinking. I am finished hoping someone else will stand up to the oppression I see around me.

Finally, I am finished letting myself off the hook for fights that “aren’t mine.” Liberty and justice for all.

Are you Officially Fucking Finished? What is your first act as a person who is OFF?

(Image credit by grietgriet on MorgueFile)


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(e)Kelsium

Kelsium lives in Southern California with her partner and collection of almost (almost!) kill-proof plants. She enjoys the beaches, but finds the lack of acceptable bagels distressing. She considers herself an expert in red lipstick and internet rage.

28 thoughts on “In Which I Am Officially Finished”

  1. Yea! I’ve been Officially Fucking Finished for a few years now. It makes it hard to make friends, and it makes it hard to keep some old friends.

    But then it’s like, the only “friends” you don’t make, or lose, are the kinds of friends that aren’t friends at all, but are only people in your life that you continue to call friends because of inertia. Real friends don’t think you’re not really a human. Real friends are Officially Fucking Finished, too.

    So: fewer friends, but better ones. It’s great.

  2. Yes! Being officially done is the most liberating experience for a woman. I became officially done while in graduate school. I remember I was in a colloquim reading papers that we had written. Mine was on Islamic Feminists. Yes a contradiction I am well aware of. I had one old white professor say to me that Islamic Feminism did not indeed a social movement make. I was tired of other people defining not only me, but other women. I asked him what social movement he had been a part of. He didn’t answer. I asked him what gave him the right to label something as a social movement. He said, “My expertise.” I then launched into him about his expertise being while male centered and irrelevant to this discussion.
    Since then, I don’t let people tell me how to think.
    Good for you Kelsium!

  3. Yes. I am done. I made my first OFF move last night when I asked a very old friend of the family to remove me from his email distribution list – I’m sick of him flooding my email with his rw forwards, some of which are ten fucking years old. Rerouting him to the junk folder was too passive – I needed to let him know I’ sick of his shit.

  4. Oh yes, oh fucking yes. I’ve been posting like a very literally mad woman on the FB. I loved when the mom of one of my childhood friends responded in support, telling me to keep speaking out. I don’t care anymore. Actually, I care. I care a lot. I just don’t care about offending.

  5. Oh, I am done. I am so done. I’m done apologizing for having a voice, for being sharp, for not being ashamed of my anger when someone says things like “racism doesn’t exist anymore”. In Sweden? There’s a goddamn racist party in our parliament even if they dress up their racism in fuzzy arguments about culture. And I’m done apologizing for the fact that no, I do think it’s possible Julian Assange raped someone–even if he also did something important in Wikileaks. I may or may not have ruined the mood for a bit at the NYE party I went to with that one, but when I don’t apologize, I’m fucking sharp, and people listened.

  6. I used to sit back and refuse to call anyone out on anything, because I was afraid of upsetting people, and I didn’t want them to see me getting upset either. (I’m one of those people who cries when they get really mad and frustrated.)
    But who the fuck cares if I get upset, or if they do? They should be upset if they’re acting like ass-hats. Maybe if enough people show them what their words do, they’ll fucking stop and think about them instead of assuming everyone feels like they do.
    I’m OFF feeling like there is something wrong with reacting to shit. I need to do less disregarding and forgiving, and more “stop being a bad person or get out of my life”-ing.

  7. Ahh I love this. I am feeling inspired. I made an appointment at Planned Parenthood the other day because I don’t have insurance and I have some nonsense going on with my periods that someone needs to look at.
    I’ve been debating posting something about it on my facebook, some sort of “I am the face of a Planned Parenthood consumer” thing, but haven’t because why? I’m afraid of offending the 5 super-conservatie facebook friends I have? Fuck them. They are the ones that especially need to know that Planned Parenthood is a valuable resource for more than just abortions.

    1. A few years ago I went to a PP for planB (it was a Sat and my doc wasn’t open). I have also considered posting on FB because I am also afraid of offending those super-conservative FB friends. Honestly though, if they would want to defriend me over such a post, so let it be.

    2. You should totally write about it. I can’t believe how many people don’t realize that PP is used as primary care so often. I’ve definitely used it during some underinsured stages of my life. Hm. I guess I should post something about that on my FB page.

  8. Yes I agree whole-heartedly! Just this past week I decided to put up my support for the Union workers here in WI on my book-of-face. I hesitated because I feared being attacked by some of my more conservative friends. I changed my mind b/c I decided this is an issue that impacts me directly as a future teacher and why shouldn’t I voice my opinion publicly on the matter. So I did and have continued to do so since w/ only words of encouragement and support.

  9. YES! I am joining your “Officially Finished” Party. I too am making a concerted effort to present my opinions more forcefully and without qualifying them. I’m calling people out more, starting with those I’m closest too. If I can’t comfortably challenge the people I love and trust and I can’t do it on a larger, more impersonal scale. It’s tough for me to do after a lifetime of avoiding confrontation but it’s absolutely vital. There is too much at stake to sit and be passive.

  10. I am OFF. Pissed OFF, ticked OFF, tired OF(F?). OK the last one doesn’t work.

    My first act as OFF is to refuse to deign certain bullshit with a response. Some things are not worth being treated as viable debates. There is not a flip side to every story. Evolution? Not a valid debate. Vaccination? Not a valid debate. The fact that earth’s climate will change and is changing due to anthropogenic forces? Not a valid debate.

    I am not sure how to do this while still standing up and speaking out, but I refuse to engage in purely fabricated, baseless, we-need-more-page-hits, I-want-to-be-edgy debate.

    That said, come to me in earnest and we’ll talk.

    1. “Some things are not worth being treated as viable debates. There is not a flip side to every story. Evolution? Not a valid debate. Vaccination? Not a valid debate. The fact that earth’s climate will change and is changing due to anthropogenic forces? Not a valid debate.”

      YESSSS. There’s a good chance I’ll steal this (attributed, of course).

    1. My most recent OFF moment was when I split my tumblrs and decided that I wasn’t going to hide my opinions like they were shameful. Defending other people and caring about my own needs shouldn’t be something that alienates anyone, and if it does, by god I want them alienated.

    1. My first OFF act was not to educate people who responded to my Tumblr post about the Georgia “womb police” proposal with sentiments of agreement with said proposal, but to tell them that their opinions are wrong and they should feel bad about them.
      Dialog schmialog. Stop trampling over people’s rights and perhaps next time I’ll give you the time of day.

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