Since we’re jumping into Bones in the middle of the sixth season, here’s a little overview of your key players and storylines. During the hiatuses we’ll head back to the beginning and start recapping from Day 1 (if you want to catch up, though, all of the first five season are on Netflix Watch Instantly, and they make for a great series binge).
Dr. Temperance Brennan (Emily Deschanel), a forensic anthropologist, and her team of Jeffersonian forensic specialists are tasked with assisting the FBI with especially gruesome and difficult cases. Seriously, the writers and producers pride themselves in grossing out their viewers who ill-advisedly try to eat dinner while watching the pre-credits reveals, so if you’ve got a delicate stomach, be warned. Most often, these scientists are assigned to Special Agent Seeley Booth (David Boreanez, flexing about 150x the acting muscles he showed in the Whedonverse). While the relationship between Booth and the team of “squints” (his nickname for them) starts out fairly antagonistic, throughout the seasons, they’ve all grown to be a surrogate family for each other. The current team of scientists (it’s changed slightly since the beginning) includes Dr. Jack Hodgins, a low-key millionaire heir and “bug and dirt” guy; Angela Montenegro, best friend to Brennan and forensic artist, giving victims a face and doing all sorts of neat computer tricks; Dr. Camille Saroyan, former NYC corner and current head of the forensic department; Dr. Lance Sweets, FBI psychologist who assists in profiling (and uses Booth and Brennan as a personal case study in repressed sexual urges) and a rotating cast of interns. Playing on the always juicy fruit of the “Will They or Won’t They?” partner dynamic, the relationship between Booth and Brennan (or “Bones,” as he’s nicknamed her) has grown from begrudging partners to friends with a lot of sexual tension to unrequited love on one side and then on the other. It’s even become a subject for commentary from the other characters (Sweets wrote a book about them and every time Bones’ dad visits, he inquires with someone if they’ve gotten together yet). Because of Bones’ very logical view of the world (and amazingly written characters), the writers have been able to keep up the tension of the non-relationship without the viewer growing weary of it. They were even able to introduce this season a love interest for Booth who only the most die-hard shippers hated; heck, even Bones developed a great friendship with the new girl. What really keeps the viewers coming back, though, is the well developed stories of the rest of the ensemble. There’s Hodgins and Angela, who, after a couple false starts, are now married and expecting a child. There’s Dr. Saroyan, the unexpected adoptive parent to the daughter of one of her old friends. There are the interns: Clark, uncomfortable with the sometimes unprofessional chatting of the team (although, he’s now doing some oversharing of his own); Daisy, formerly engaged to Sweets, overly eager and wishing to follow in Dr. Brennan’s footsteps; Wendell, kid from the wrong side of the tracks who is there on a scholarship set up by the entire team; Vincent Nigel-Murray, who has a helpful trivia tidbit to add to any conversation; Arastoo, an Iranian immigrant who initially fakes a middle eastern accent to avoid being questioned about his devout religious beliefs and Colin, morose, but helpful. You watch for the whole package, not just the stars.
And with that out of the way, I think we’re ready to head on to the recap!
A housekeeper enters a home and wants to know why the homeowner is cooking again”¦ oh no, this is going to be a nasty one, isn’t it? The meal smells really burnt and the housekeeper advises, “Whatever you cooked, don’t eat it.” When she gets upstairs, the smell is even worse and she finds the victim in the tanning bed. After optimistically talking to her like she might still be alive, the housekeeper opens the tanning bed and the homeowner is pretty jellified and unrecognizable. Cue screaming.
Fun Facts with Brennan: Coco Chanel made tans vogue when she returned from a vacation with one. Pale women across the world curse her for this.The team comes to investigate and Hodgins wants to know who has a home tanning bed. Really, millionaire Hodgins? You can’t imagine rich people wanting strange things in their houses? Bones IDs the victim as female in her 30’s and Booth chimes in with the homeowner’s name: Wendy Bovitz, high-end wedding planner. There was no sign of break-in and the time on the tanning bed was broken. Hodgins passes on the info that Cam has a date lined up that night for Valentine’s Day, so she wants to wrap things up quickly today. Booth wants to investigate the case thoroughly since he’s the recently dumped Valentine’s Grinch. Bones agrees that since the historical St. Valentine was clubbed to death, investigating murder is a much more appropriate way to celebrate the holiday. Surprisingly, however, Bones and Hodgins agree that she could have just fallen asleep in the bed, but Booth insists on bringing the remains back to the Jeffersonian. Clark is the intern this week and after announcing that the victim’s been dead 32-38 hours, he starts discussion about the group’s Valentine’s Day plans. Cam really really doesn’t want it to be murder because Paul has a nice night out planned for them (following the subplot a couple weeks ago where they could never line their schedules up together). Bones get a call from a guy named Douglas and blows him off as she has “no intention of engaging in affection or sex” tonight. Clark finds a rib fracture and unfortunately for Cam and Ms. Bovis, it’s a murder.
I have to say, it was really weird watching a Valentine’s Day episode that aired 3 days after Valentine’s. I felt like I was behind in watching, but I wasn’t. It messed with my mind a little. I wonder if this was supposed to be aired before the holiday and the schedule got shifted somewhere along the way.
Cam gathers up crew and gives them 8 hrs 22 minutes to solve it so that she can leave at 6pm. “Today death is the loser and romance wins.” I mean, I know murder is important and everything, but is there a reason why they can’t just finish at 6 and pick it up again tomorrow at 8? Hodgins wants some dinner and dancing with Angela, but she says they don’t have to worry about Valentine’s anymore now that they’re married. Boo, Ang… don’t feed into that sterotype! Hodgins seeks Cam’s help figuring out what to do for V-Day. He shows her a pair of earrings that he got that match the necklace that he got Angela for Christmas. Cam breaks the news that Angela hates that necklace. Back to the drawing board for Hodgins.
Booth and Bones visit Wendy’s “executive” assistant, Darren, who is distraught that she’s dead. He reveals that Wendy was recently overwhelmed by the Erickson wedding, which is tonight. Darren had his own code and keys to house and yes, he set the alarm yesterday after picking up some fabric. He doesn’t take the news that she was dead when he stopped by well and devolves into near-hysterics.
Back at the lab, Cam finds a butterfly-looking subject on the body and gives it to Hodgins. Bones finds a broken finger as she gets a phone call from Scott and turns him down for date. Cam wants Bones to take one of these guys up on a date so that she’ll be motivated to move quickly. Bones says she understands that Cam has reached an age where every male must be considered as a mate. Cam snaps back “I’m not that much older than you and I’ve got someone.” Ouch. She apologizes and Bones accepts as coldly logical as she accepts most things. As she investigates the victim’s computer, Angela presses Booth about the breakup, but he’s “fine.” She suggests finding someone else who’s doing nothing tonight to… do nothing together. Angela finds a file named “In Case Of Death” inside is a picture of the victim with a bruised face, and pop up text that reads “If anything happens to me, it was my husband.”
They find Wendy’s husband, Greg Bovitz, corralling a couple of horses. He’s a carriage driver for weddings. Booth tells him his wife is dead and questions Greg about their temporary separation. He wasn’t crazy about the wedding thing, being a horse rancher by trade, and that was the root of their disagreement but he denies hitting her. Her first husband is who she means – Tom Berry. She had a restraining order against him, but he was killed in bar fight last year. Greg says that Erickson (of the Erickson wedding) came and yelled at her the other day. I don’t trust this guy, though… people grieve in different ways, but he doesn’t seem upset enough.
Hodgins investigates what Cam found. Clark wants him to hurry, too, because he’s got a night planned with his girlfriend Nora. Hodgins only know what the butterfly thing isn’t – it’s not a moth or butterfly, but some sort of vegetation. I’m betting wedding flower like an orchid, maybe. Hodgins gets gift advice from Clark. He’s got an Egyptian tear vase that Angela said she liked from the Jeffersonian gift shop”¦ Clark (rightly) vetoes this as an inappropriate V-Day gift. He points out that Angela doesn’t care about things. Give her something that only you can give her. Continuing the romance, Paul comes to see Cam with flowers. She assures him that they are SET. Since they’re both professionals, instead of PDA in the workplace, they close their eyes and think about kissing. Aww, they’re so cute.
While heading to question Mr. Erickson, Booth and Bones talk about the day. Booth hates Valentines Day because nothing important happened on it other than the Valentine’s Day Massacre. Bones knows lots of notable things that happened that day and lists them. Raina Erickson, the not so demure bride is arguing with her father to get more wine. Dad angrily reminds her that it’s not in the budget. Booth questions the dad, Warren, who admits that he last saw Wendy a couple days ago. Wendy promised Raina orchids and a fancy wine and Warren thought that Wendy was taking advantage of them. Raina shouts that she hates him and, you know what, I kinda do, too. Bones gets a call and Clark and Hodgins have found DNA under the nails. Bones asks Erickson for a DNA swab, but he informs her that will never ever happen. Sounds like he’s got something to hide.
Booth gets a phone call from the judge, but the court won’t compel DNA sample from Erickson yet. Bones gets yet another booty call, this time from a Secret Service agent who goes to her gym. “Could I phone you back to tell you no? Thanks.” All isn’t lost on the DNA front, though… Erickson has son in prison for insider trading, with DNA on file. Back at the lab, Clark is working on casting a mold for the weapon. While doing so, he seeks some advice from Angela. See, Nora always makes a request for V-Day and this time is the first time he’s felt hesitant about it. Angela counsels Clark that all Nora really wants is him and this seems to be good enough for Clark and he replies to her text with “Of course, baby.”
Sweets tells Booth that he thinks Erickson is a textbook case of someone who lacks compassion, and could definitely snap under the pressure of a wedding and kill someone. He starts to talk about his V-Day plans with Daisy, but Booth doesn’t want to hear about it. In the lab, Hodgins reveals that the butterfly is an orchid! I totally called that, but I can see how Hodgins might not have made the wedding->flowers->orchid connection. She was maybe smacked on the head with it. On the gift advice front, Cam suggests making something beautiful from the stuff in his room for Angela. Hodgins thinks that’s just a clever plan for keeping him in the building. Over in DNA analysis, Clark finds something good. DNA from under the nails matches the son. Cam looks at it, though and points out that it’s not a match… the DNA shows that the skin is from a female. Mother of the Bride is dead, so it’s gotta be the bride.
At the wedding venue, Raina needs to get dressed for her wedding and she’s pissed that the FBI is back. Booth reveals that they found her skin under Wendy’s nails and she deadpans “You mean that DNA stuff is really true?” Raina went there because Wendy said she was always available. She informed the planner that she didn’t care about what her dad wanted and threatened to fire Wendy if she didn’t get the orchids and flowers. She grabbed phone to call her dad and Wendy tried to take away, getting scratched in the process. Raina protests that they made up afterwards… she got her orchids, and afterall, “I’m a bitch, but I’m not a killer bitch.”
Clark finds shape of weapon, a starburst shape and pointy made out of cast iron. Bones gets another phone call and informs Jean Paul that no, she can’t go to Montreal tonight. She’s getting a little frustrated with all these calls: “I find it a little bit insulting that they think I’d be available at the last minute” She and Booth agree that it’s a ridiculous holiday, “the banks don’t even close,” and they end up making a date at the shooting range as they find out that Raina has an alibi. Angela, meanwhile, finds another file: letters of incorporation giving Darren, the executive assistant, the business if Wendy were to die. He denies knowledge of it and also doesn’t know that she transferred half the business to him. He says he loved her romantically and sexually. Bones confesses that she thought he was gay. He’s not, just effeminate. He explains how he would have been a choreographer if he had talent as he spikes cake topper into cake”¦ looks like the weapon to me! Booth coincidentally gets a rendering of the weapon on his phone and he sees the connection, too. Time to arrest Darren.
Darren seems to be saved by the computer logs, though, as Angela discovers that Greg had checked his email from Wendy’s computer just before she died and most likely saw the articles of incorporation. Hodgins also found oily substance on murder weapon”¦Horse hoof oil. Booth says the evidence isn’t enough to make arrest, though. He’s got an inkling of a plan and asks Bones if her acting has gotten better. “Oh yes,” she responds. They bring Greg in for questioning and he wants a lawyer. Bones tells him that his DNA is on the murder weapon. She then turns to Booth and confides that this isn’t fair”¦ Greg is like Heathcliff”¦ a real man, misunderstood”¦ had to give up dreams to drive a carriage. The woman he did it all for gives her business to another man. He gets caught up in her act and admits his guilt. Bones gloats, “I was very good.” “Damn good!” Booth agrees as they high five.
Six pm comes and with the murder solved, Paul arrives with a limo for Cam who looks awesome. She protests that flowers were enough and Paul opens the door to show even more flowers waiting. Hodgins brings Ang into the lab. He made her a pretty yellow thing that smells like roses. It’s a hybrid smile mold. Angelicus Montenegrous. Angela gets teary. At Clark and Nina’s, Nina wants to know if Clark is okay. Clark protests that he’s not Clark”¦ he’s cupid, and proceeds to rip his shirt and pants off and produce a bow. “Where’s your arrow?” Nina questions. “Do you really need to ask?”
At the shooting range, Booth aims at love… a gushy valentine strapped to the shooting target. Bones arrives, bringing in a big box, a Valentine’s Day gift for Booth. In the box are two Tommy guns, borrowed from the Roaring 20’s exhibit. “Happy Valentine’s Day Massacre,” she wishes him as they destroy their targets ala Al Capone.
In three weeks, Bones returns, but next week, we’ll start from the beginning with the Pilot episode!
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