Children Shouldn’t Play With Undead Things
Previously on: Danny and Bridget want Sally to leave them alone. Josh wants Nora to do the opposite and Rebecca wants Aidan to watch her special vampire porn.
Sally voiceovers our theme this week to talk to us about mankind’s greatest ability: lying. To others and themselves. Aidan’s watching the Checkhov’s video again, despite having said he would throw it out. Josh comes in to get him because Sally wants them to take her to the bar. She just wants to hang, like a normal person. Aidan wants Sally to continue her journey, but she reminds him that she tried and got her ass handed to her. Josh sees his Nora at the bar talking to Travis, a doctor at the hospital. Sally creeps up there “ninja style” to have a listen. Travis is coming on very strong to Nora, so Sally drops a glass to give Josh an opportunity to jump in. “You look super cute in that sweater vest,” she encourages. Josh calls his own bluff, though, and leaves instead.
Next day at the hospital, Aidan berates him for not making a move. Sally’s hanging out at the hospital now, too. She wants to do a lot of hanging this week. Aidan wants to show Sally something and takes her to the original hospital wing, dating back to the 1800s. Where there are lots of ghosts haunting that wing. She’s afraid to go into it alone, though. Aidan won’t go in because he put some of those ghosts in there. Aidan wants her to find other ghosts who can help her. “Holy creepies,” Sally rightly observes as the decrepit hallway glows green. The green glow is writing all over the walls: “Why?” “I need you.” “Please, can you find my child?” An old man approaches her, asking if she’s seen his Constance. Barbara, a ghost from, it looks like the ’40s, introduces herself. She suggests that Sally announce she’s here, but the ghosts start to converge on her, wanting her to get messages to the outside for them. She runs away, back out of the hallway.
Aidan’s walking home and sees a kid being bullied by two other kids. When he intervenes, they call him a creeper and tell him to mind his own business. “Wait, which one of you wets the bed?” Aidan suddenly asks. Yes, Aidan, because talking about pee is the way to not be a creeper. He can smell it and embarrasses the bully in front of his bully friend, leading to them leaving. The kid being bullied introduces himself as Bernie. He forgot his key and can’t get into his house. When he asks to wait at Aidan’s house, Aidan ignores his best instincts and foolishly agrees. Seriously, Aidan, this did not turn out well for your British counterpart.
Nora finds Josh in the hospital. She wants to know how Emily is. Josh updates her and asks she is, revealing he was creeping on them at the bar. She wants to know why he didn’t come over. He says he didn’t want to interrupt her date … if, you know, that’s what that was … was it? She loves to watch him squirm. “It’s as though you’re an artist and awkward is your medium.” Josh levels with her and tells her that he really wants to have another date. Nora suggests tonight, as she has a week of night shifts. As she starts making meal plans, Sally interrupts and tries to speak to Josh at the same time about creepy hallway ghosts. She gets frustrated that he’s not listening to her and tosses a file cabinet. Wow, Sally “¦ rude! Not cool!
Bernie is at the house playing Go Fish, which, to Aidan’s surprise, he thinks is really fun. He also likes history and Paul Revere, who Aidan thinks was a tool. Josh and Sally come home and Sally’s so pissed about the hallway that she wishes she could touch things to shove a wooden stake somewhere in Aidan. She denies being like them, but Aidan warns her that that’s what she’ll become. Sally softens … she can’t be mad because it’s adorable that they’re playing Go Fish. Bernie’s mom, Cindy, comes over to get him. She’s upset that he went with a stranger, but is grateful that Aidan seems like a nice guy.
As Josh gets ready to head out on his date, he’s nervous because he turns tomorrow night, but Sally and Aidan encourage him to be the wolf. At Nora’s, Josh and Nora exchange stories of worst patients ever. Nora segues transparently into the making out. Poor Josh, he’s never been offered the “tour” before. As they’re making out, Josh starts growling and freaks himself out. He explains that he has trouble controlling himself and gets himself out of there.
The next day when Aidan comes home, Bernie is hanging out on his stoop, wanting to know if Aidan wants to kick a ball around. The bullies are down the street, so Aidan says sure. His mom jokes that ten-year-olds don’t help guys pick up girls, it only works with babies. She’s (rightly) concerned about sending her son off with someone she doesn’t know very well, but Aidan promises to watch out for him and reminds her that she knows where he lives.
Josh is vacuuming at home, relieving the frustration of his bad date last night, and totally doesn’t want to talk about it with Sally. On her pressing, Josh reveals that he growled while they were kissing and not in the sexy way. Josh is not okay with almost losing control and thinks Nora doesn’t deserve to have what he is inflicted upon her. Sally reminds him that what he is is alive. 29 days out of 30 he gets to be normal. She would kill for that.
Aidan and Bernie are kicking the soccer ball around in the park and bonding. Aidan thinks it’s weird that Bernie doesn’t like video games. Bernie likes soccer and boats (his dad had one). Aidan reveals that he didn’t get to do what he wanted because he went to war. Bernie thinks it’s cool, but Aidan tells him there’s nothing fun about war. Bernie scrapes himself and Aidan’s afraid it’ll make him vamp out when Rebecca shows up. She didn’t know about Marcus’ attack on Emily. Or claims not to. Aidan seems to believe her, but tells her that now is not the time. Rebecca says she’s lonely … and she wants to know if he’s been thinking about her. Aidan says he should go, but kisses her on the cheek. Rebecca remarks that she thinks that Aidan must have been a great father once.
Josh is at the hospital and Nora catches him on the way to his wolf-out (which he’s apparently gone back to since his ordeal with Ray). She lets him know that she respects his boundaries and she can be patient “¦ they don’t have to rush into things. He can’t resist her though (those wolfy-urges) and lunges in for a kiss. He’s growling a lot as he bends her over a table. Nora seems pleasantly surprised, but this scene still icks me out. Somehow I don’t think he remembered protection.
At the house, Aidan is falling asleep as he and Bernie watch Evan Almighty. Aidan can’t believe he enjoys this drivel and suggests the Three Stooges as an alternative, sending Bernie up to his room and grab one of his Three Stooges DVDs. Bernie’s mom comes to pick him up (so she’s gone from being unsure about this to letting Aidan babysit? Mmmkay) and comments that she thinks they should spend some time over at their place, too.
Nora remarks that she thinks Josh controlled himself pretty well but he leaves before they can get into a conversation. Josh is running out of time to get to his room.
Aidan ponders whether Bernie would like a ship in a bottle. Sally asks how old Aidan actually is, and we get a little piece of canon: Aidan is 257. Josh runs in the house, warning them to hide the valuables and “save the TV.” He couldn’t change at the hospital so he ran home. Aidan starts removing anything breakable and they turn the stereo up. Sally wants to stay and watch the transformation and after a moment’s protest, Josh agrees. As Josh strips down, waiting to change, my husband observes, “Wow, he’s surprisingly buff.” Wolf Josh jumps all over the kitchen and lunges after Sally. She materializes onto the stoop … she never imagined it happened like that.
The next morning, Josh is cleaning up the broken dishes. Sally wants to know if he’s okay and he apologizes … he never wanted to bring it home. “It’s like you’ve seen me naked, only way way worse.” Sally doesn’t want him to apologize … she should be sorry for telling him to suck it up. She gets it now, and admits that he has it so much worse, but she still thinks he deserves happiness. He appreciates her effort, but tells her that she has to leave, though, because Nora’s pissed and on her way over and he doesn’t want anything weird happening. Aidan helps him clean up as the doorbell rings. It’s Bernie’s mom and she’s also pissed. “What kind of animal gives this garbage to a 10-year-old boy?” she demands, throwing the broken vampire porn dvd at his feet. It looks like Bernie didn’t watch to the killing (fortunately?), just the sex. She demands that he stay away from Bernie, calling him a pervert. Bernie reveals that he just took it, Aidan didn’t give it to him. She still wants him to stay away. Josh finds the broken DVD and confronts Aidan, wanting to know why he kept it. He just wanted to keep this one thing, this one vice. Josh wants to know what the point of what they’re trying to do is if he’s going to hold onto something like that.
Nora comes over and Josh apologizes. She may have had jellied legs, but she can’t believe she went with it herself “¦ it was something else, but not really her style. She likes more romance. She thinks there’s something there, between them and wants to take some time to figure it out. Aidan can’t stop watching over Bernie out the window, poor guy. Sally goes back to the ghost hallway to write her own message on the wall: “Sally Malik, ghost. Can you help me move on?”