What is this? Special Guest Star Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl playing … a Gossip Girl? Special Guest Star That Guy From Party Down Who Is Now On Community playing Hot Young Idealistic Teacher Who Still Gets Students Interested In History? What after-school special could be in store for us in this week’s Mystery of the Week? Oh, only that Blair (I mean, Carrie) has publicly accused Hot Young Teacher of dodging her calls because they had a pregnancy scare? Veronica doesn’t buy any of it, because she now loves the Huns and Hot Young Teacher gets all the credit, plus Carrie is a bitch. Veronica Mars starts her investigation.
Only … Carrie’s parents have hired Papa Mars to run a background check on Hot Teacher. It’s Mars against Mars! Father against daughter! Blood against (possibly) blood! Veronica must clear her hot favorite teacher’s good name! Although it turns out that Veronica has a little bit of a grudge after she heard Carrie gossiping about her in (where else) the girls’ bathroom back when Veronica was popular. Carrie was also gossiping about how “crazy” Duncan is and how he had to be admitted to the hospital in a straitjacket because he was writhing around and foaming at the mouth. But more on that later. It’s not looking good for Veronica’s case. Even after she goes to visit Hot Teacher at his house over the weekend to discuss a parent-teacher conference he had with Carrie’s parents over a C he had given her. According to Veronica, this is not something that a secret boyfriend teacher would do, just a regular teacher. I dunno, V, it’s a little flimsy. Plus it turns out that Papa Mars found Carrie’s very specific diary, which apparently lists times and locations of dates she went on with Hot Teacher, since Papa Mars says he is able to match Carrie’s diary entries with Hot Teacher’s credit card receipts. I have to admit that Veronica Mars is kind of losing me here. Even a Cornell-bound teenager probably has journal entries more along the lines of “uuugh my parents suuucckkkk” and “I went out with You-Know-Who today, he has the hottest eyes!” But I digress and Mars Senior’s evidence is still stronger than Veronica’s.
Veronica is on a few other cases, though. She is also helping Logan figure out if his mom is actually still alive. Logan found a tabloid where someone says they saw Lynn Echolls alive, but it turns out the witness was some Echolls superfan who didn’t seem to have a firm grasp on reality. So it’s not looking good for either of Veronica’s cases right now.
Aaand it’s getting even worse for V. Papa Mars found out that Hot Teacher was fired from his last job due to complaints from parents of two girls. When Veronica asks him about it, Hot Teacher has some weird convoluted excuse about basically being too liberal for the school or something. Veronica, usually so cynical, just bats her little eyes and goes to call Carrie a big lying liar. Keith had agreed to give Veronica the very specific dates and times that Carrie wrote in her diary and it turns out that one one of these dates when Carrie said she was at a hotel with Hot Teacher, she was actually at a track meet. Maybe Veronica really is on to something!
Back to the larger plot, Veronica is on the quest to find out what Duncan’s Mystery Illness is that he is taking medication for. She sets up a doctor’s appointment and hides under a bathroom cabinet after hours (she is real, real tiny!). Once the receptionist is gone she makes a copy of Duncan’s medical records and just so happens to find a copy of Abel Koontz’s medical records too. I guess in addition to only one lawyer, one police station, and one school, Neptune must have only one doctor and he happens to treat both the Kanes and Lilly’s accused murderer. The plot thickens!
Next, Veronica goes to a school board meeting where Hot Teacher is at a hearing about his misconduct. Claire produces text messages from him on her phone and it seems to prove that he was sexting her. Only, ever-sneaky Veronica is able to take Principal Clemmons’ phone to text the school board president, demonstrating that Claire’s text messages could be easily faked. Veronica is super proud of herself and goes over to Hot Teacher’s house, at night, I guess to get a thank you. But it turns out that Hot Teacher has the black satin sheets (gross) on his bed that Claire described, and is playing the mood music that Claire also described. However, we know it couldn’t be Claire who had an affair with Hot Teacher because the super extremely detailed dates don’t match up. So who was it? Some other girl who we saw for like 2 seconds earlier in the show! Veronica Mars loves doing that. She got knocked up by Hot Teacher and Claire decided to go on a vigilante mission for her friend. Veronica said Susan could “make it right” by calling the school board president, which seems like a very narrow definition of having things made right. But anyway, Hot Teacher resigns and Veronica was wrong in her convictions, not for the last time though.
So we’ve got our Mystery of the Week out of the way, what about our more interesting plot lines? Well, turns out that Duncan is taking a medication used to treat Stage 4 epilepsy, a disease that can cause hysteria and blacking out. (BTW, Stage 4 epilepsy, as described, doesn’t exist. I Googled it.) Veronica Mars barely dodges a bullet here. I’ve mentioned that I don’t like the “Duncan is crazy so he’s a suspect” storyline, and drugs like Depakote are used to treat both epilepsy and bipolar disorder. It’s a fine line, Veronica Mars, is all I’m sayin’. But now we know Duncan’s mystery illness, unfortunately it’s more “Duncan is epileptic so he’s a suspect” now.
I got a Weevil fix in this episode, where he found some kid who had a video of what looks to be a body falling off the bridge when and where Lynn Echolls was supposed to have jumped. Weevil threatens the kid to make sure he never releases the footage and Logan walks off, broken-hearted that it looks like his mom really is not alive. But! Veronica gets a call that Lynn’s credit card was used, what does it all mean?
Oh and Abel Koontz? Also a patient of Neptune’s Only Doctor? His medical records show he is dying, and he knew that he was dying when he confessed to Lilly’s murder. Veronica goes to the jail, where Koontz is still trying to pull his Hannibal Lecter act, and confronts him with the fact that it looks like he was a patsy. And scene.