While I love to regale you all with stories, tutorials, and tips about wedding stuff, I was hoping it might be okay with you, dear readers, if I widened the reach of the DIY Bride series into a broader scope of topics – namely, how to deal with this whole new realm of wedded or partnered bliss, or rather, how to get used to this new person in the house that is kind of stinky.
Okay, Jon isn’t really that stinky most of the time, though his body’s ability to produce sweat that can majorly discolor every sheet set in the house is pretty mind-boggling. Plus, if I start in on his personal hygiene, he will definitely feel compelled to swoop into the comments section and tattle to everyone that I only wash my hair once a week and can rarely be bothered to shave my legs (a razor will seriously last me a clean six months. They usually rust before they get dull), so let’s just say he smells like roses and leave the cleanliness comments there. However, I am 32 years old and lived by myself, quite happily, for many, many years. Getting used to, and making room for, a new person requires adjustments. Having to take someone else’s opinions into consideration when making decisions takes some serious getting used to. Did you realize that some people do not enjoy marathon DVR sessions of What Not to Wear and America’s Next Top Model? Who knew? And perhaps what they do enjoy is endless hours of Band of Brothers, Nova, and some seriously questionable film choices? Somehow, you have to figure out a way to maneuver these, and so many other, competing desires. For us, it’s Mythbusters and The Daily Show.
But, and here’s the really surprising thing, there are other things even bigger than television to consider. Before Jon and I got back together two years ago, I had never found myself content enough in a relationship to imagine spending my life with someone. Shit, the four years beforehand, the two people I dated both lived in LA while I was in San Francisco and the Bay Area because I liked having my space so much that I preferred needing to board an airplane to see the person over finding someone more geographically suitable. I had no desire to live with someone, let alone think about marrying them. Then this guy comes back into my life and shot that all to hell. Now, I can’t imagine being without him; sometimes it’s hard to remember what my life was like before he was here. It’s painful to remember the years I spent in miserable, unhealthy relationships for whatever reason I had myself convinced of at the time, now that I know what the real deal feels like. And so here we are; here I am in a partnership with someone who, for the very first time in my life, I trust completely (classic daddy issues, not the one from the wedding pics, he’s amazing. Bio dad, total ass, but whatever, that’s for another article). Trusting your partner is the foundation from which everything is built, and because of that, it is also one of the hardest things in the world to do.
We have amazing advice givers on this site, women I am proud to share the title of Staff Writers with in the hopes that their awesomeness will rub off on me, or that someone might mistakenly apply some of their fondness for them onto me. Yep, I have no problem riding other people’s internet coattails. The Frisky Feminist dishes the goods on getting better lovin’; Luci Furious adeptly responds to the wide array of what we throw at her; Ipomoea’s pregnancy posts are enlightening and calming for those of us (read: me) who are terrified of the process; Queen Julie’s student nursing posts are all at once informative, kinda icky, and ultimately incredibly more important than anything I can ramble on about, as well as the many other women that open my mind more every single day on this site. I can’t, and would never want or attempt to, compete with that. What I will do, however, is open up my life, my relationship, and all the ups and downs, the struggles and heartaches, as well as the intense joys, to you fabulous readers in the hopes that some of my mistakes and head-slapping ridiculousness can help you avoid, or at least better deal with, some of the same nonsense we all encounter along the way. I could really use someone to commiserate with about the sheets.
First up, next week- How To Fight Fair