Summer brings an onslaught of wedding invitations, as inevitable as the clouds of cicadas circling the South. Most of the time, weddings are pretty fun ““ beaming brides, grinning grooms, an air of celebration ““ but sometimes, the evening takes a turn for the bizarre.
I’m not one to bag on someone’s musical taste. Whatever gets you grooving is fine by me, Skrewdriver and its ilk excepted. But as I peruse the myriad of blogs expelled into the ether by the gigantic Wedding-Industrial Complex, I can’t help but raise my eyebrow at some of the musical suggestions put forth. Some of the songs are things I would never want to hear (looking at you, Katy Perry), others just have lyrics that don’t seem quite right for the occasion, and still others have both.
All songs on this list have been included on other blogs (links provided) as wedding music suggestions. This top 5 list would be far too easy and not much fun if it was just a list of 5 wedding-inappropriate songs (spoiler alert 1-4 would be Anal C**t songs, and number 5 would be The Police’s “Every Breath You Take”). So let’s get the countdown going:
1. Cee-lo’s “Forget You” ““ I appreciate that this list chose the radio-friendly version instead of the original, and while I get that this song is catchy as hell and fun to dance to, this is maybe NOT the song to play at your wedding. An angry, bitter man sees his ex-girlfriend and her new man, he calls her a gold-digger, and tells them both, “fuck you.” I don’t know about you, but an angry ex-boyfriend who claims to hate me and still love me at the same time is the last person I’d want at any event I was throwing, let alone a wedding.
2. James Blake’s “Limit to Your Love” ““ As far as I can tell, this is a song about someone who isn’t giving a sufficient amount of love, either due to their guarded nature or just a lack of reciprocation. I dig it ““ that’s a normal situation that we have all found ourselves in, and you know what, probably a very realistic view of love and relationships. But, maybe this isn’t the night to be thinking of the harsh realities of love, right? Reminders of the limitations of someone’s feelings isn’t a huge aphrodisiac, at least not in any of the movies I’ve seen.
3. Heartland’s “I Loved Her First” ““ This. Song. Is. Way. Possessive. And. So. Creepy. To the extent that I had to make each word its own sentence. This song drives me to fragmentation. I thought it was about a scorned lover at first, but nope! It’s just a dad telling his new son-in-law how he loved her first”¦ over and over again, with great crescendo. If you want to get all Elektra all over the place, maybe just save your guests the awkwardness and slant-rhyme that shit into the Electric Slide.
4. Taylor Swift’s “Today Was a Fairytale” ““ If Taylor Swift encapsulates the emotional depth of your relationship, I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 problems but a princess-complex ain’t one. Hit me!
5. Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” ““ I have a lot of admiration for you if you can hear this song and not think of a dead Leonardo DiCaprio. This song cannot exist without Titanic. Epic as Leo’s love for Kate Winslet was before the iceberg tore it asunder, there’s something about “frozen corpse” that just really doesn’t bring the wedding cheer.
What about you? What are some REAL wedding songs you’ve heard or been suggested that just make you roll your eyes?