5 Worst Wedding Songs

Summer brings an onslaught of wedding invitations, as inevitable as the clouds of cicadas circling the South. Most of the time, weddings are pretty fun ““ beaming brides, grinning grooms, an air of celebration ““ but sometimes, the evening takes a turn for the bizarre.

I’m not one to bag on someone’s musical taste. Whatever gets you grooving is fine by me, Skrewdriver and its ilk excepted. But as I peruse the myriad of blogs expelled into the ether by the gigantic Wedding-Industrial Complex, I can’t help but raise my eyebrow at some of the musical suggestions put forth. Some of the songs are things I would never want to hear (looking at you, Katy Perry), others just have lyrics that don’t seem quite right for the occasion, and still others have both.

All songs on this list have been included on other blogs (links provided) as wedding music suggestions. This top 5 list would be far too easy and not much fun if it was just  a list of 5 wedding-inappropriate songs (spoiler alert 1-4 would be Anal C**t songs, and number 5 would be The Police’s “Every Breath You Take”). So let’s get the countdown going:

1. Cee-lo’s “Forget You” ““ I appreciate that this list chose the radio-friendly version instead of the original, and while I get that this song is catchy as hell and fun to dance to, this is maybe NOT the song to play at your wedding. An angry, bitter man sees his ex-girlfriend and her new man, he calls her a gold-digger, and tells them both, “fuck you.” I don’t know about you, but an angry ex-boyfriend who claims to hate me and still love me at the same time is the last person I’d want at any event I was throwing, let alone a wedding.

2. James Blake’s “Limit to Your Love” ““ As far as I can tell, this is a song about someone who isn’t giving a sufficient amount of love, either due to their guarded nature or just a lack of reciprocation. I dig it ““ that’s a normal situation that we have all found ourselves in, and you know what, probably a very realistic view of love and relationships. But, maybe this isn’t the night to be thinking of the harsh realities of love, right? Reminders of the limitations of someone’s feelings isn’t a huge aphrodisiac, at least not in any of the movies I’ve seen.

3. Heartland’s “I Loved Her First” ““ This. Song. Is. Way. Possessive. And. So. Creepy. To the extent that I had to make each word its own sentence. This song drives me to fragmentation. I thought it was about a scorned lover at first, but nope! It’s just a dad telling his new son-in-law how he loved her first”¦ over and over again, with great crescendo. If you want to get all Elektra all over the place, maybe just save your guests the awkwardness and slant-rhyme that shit into the Electric Slide.

4. Taylor Swift’s “Today Was a Fairytale” ““ If Taylor Swift encapsulates the emotional depth of your relationship, I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 problems but a princess-complex ain’t one.  Hit me!

5. Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” ““ I have a lot of admiration for you if you can hear this song and not think of a dead Leonardo DiCaprio. This song cannot exist without Titanic. Epic as Leo’s love for Kate Winslet was before the iceberg tore it asunder, there’s something about “frozen corpse” that just really doesn’t bring the wedding cheer.

What about you? What are some REAL wedding songs you’ve heard or been suggested that just make you roll your eyes?

 

10 thoughts on “5 Worst Wedding Songs”

  1. Finding a good father/daughter dance song is a daunting task, and while I haven’t heard the Heartland song mentioned above, this is the way most of those “Dad writing to daughter” songs go, and it is just creepy. Butterfly Kisses also needs to be put to bed. I chose Loudon Wainwrights “Daughter” for me and my pop for my wedding last summer, and it was perfect.

    This article reminds me of the episode of Gilmore Girls where Sookie is trying to pick her wedding songs and keeps wanting these horribly depressing tunes because she thinks the music is pretty and everyone is horrified. Love!

  2. My parents danced to “I Swear” by All 4 1 when they got married in the early ’90’s. I remember being 10 and cringing.
    My aunt and uncle did them better in the ’80’s though, with “Every Breath You Take” by the Police. Yes, they were one of THOSE couples. >_<

  3. One song I have heard a LOT at weddings as a first dance is ‘This Year’s Love’ by David Gray, and I find it a confusing choice. I mean, yes, it’s hopeful, but in a very guarded way, and it repeatedly refers to having regular failed relationships.

    But then, I walked down the aisle to Halleluyah by Jeff Buckley, and people in glass houses shouldn’t throw the proverbial…

  4. I pretty much fail at listening to lyrics. For our wedding I really wanted a salsa song. When I told Mr. Mona which one I wanted he said no– because it’s about a woman who devours men. He chose a much better song in the end– equally danceable but with better lyrics.

  5. For my upcoming, someone suggested I do a Beatles medley (which sounds great right?) for my wedding but then listed titles “Across the Universe” and “Blackbird.” Um, somehow I don’t think “Nothing’s gonna change my world” doesn’t quite encapsulate one of the biggest commitments I’ve ever made, nor does hearing the Fab Four croon about a blackbird flying “into the light of a dark, black night” quite set the mood for romance or commitment. *headdesk*

    1. Well, last year ( when I was 14) I went through a HUGE Beatles obsession. Now, I am still pretty obsessed, but I literally did not listen to any other artists besides The Beatles.
      I decided that by wedding song would either be Octopus’ Garden or Here, There, and Everywhere. Or maybe even the obvious All You Need is Love? I agree with Amanda- while Across the Universe and Blackbird are beautiful songs, they are certainly not the first I would think of with romance.

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