Go the F**k to Sleep and Other Sentiments

If you’ve been on social media at all this week, you’ve probably heard that Audible.com is offering a reading of Adam Mansbach’s stab at parental comedy, Go the F**k to Sleep, read by Samuel L. Jackson. While I’d heard of the book when it was published earlier this year, I hadn’t actually ever seen a copy of it (it’s hard to look for such things with your child who can read). Audible’s promotion was just what I needed to learn about the book. I downloaded the iPhone app and the audio book and plugged in my headphones. It was funny. As one reviewer on Amazon put it, “Don’t buy this if you are a new parent, you won’t get it. Don’t buy this if your kids are perfect, you won’t get it.” It’s true. It’s one of those books that’s only funny if you’ve lived the nightmare of trying to put your young one to bed from say 8 p.m. until, oh, say, 11 p.m. for a few nights in a row.

The Audible promotion was well-timed, as bedtimes from hell are even worse around the summer solstice. “I don’t have to go to bed, it’s still light out!” is being argued all across the country. Trust me on this one.

As  I listened to Mr. Jackson read Go the F**K to Sleep, my wheels started turning. Here are a few more titles I think would compliment this picture-book for parents quite nicely.

Just Clean Your Damn Room ““ A spoonful of sugar? It’s five dolls and six books. Just put them away!

Eat Your F**king Vegetables ““ It’s three bites, it won’t kill you, it’ll make you stronger. Like Popeye. Oh wait, you don’t know who Popeye is.

No, Damnit, We are NOT There Yet ““ It’s not that it’s far away, it’s that you have no concept of time. Plug in your DVD player and deal, please.

I could go on and on, but I’m going to turn it over to you, readers. Feel free to play along in the comments and add titles of books you could write. It could be about parenting, it could be about work, it could even be about your significant other. I know I’ve got it in me to write something along the lines of Put your F**king Socks in the F**king Hamper. For reals.

6 thoughts on “Go the F**k to Sleep and Other Sentiments”

  1. “The F**king Dishwasher Does Not Empty Its Goddamned Self”
    “If You Don’t Stop Barking, Mommy’s Going To Lock You in The Garage With That Great Dane Down the Street” (Note: I would never do this. My chihuahuas OWN me.)
    “There is No Q-Tip Fairy (Your Wife Buys All That Shit)”

  2. I’ve got a “Please Stop Shitting in Our Home” just waiting to be unleashed on the world (inspired by the corgi/chihuahua I adore but who seems to think our walks are just for giggles, and not the time to use the bathroom).

    Or how about “My Dining Room Tables Needs No New F***ing Water Stains.” Seriously, use a coaster for the love of Christ.

    1. I have snorted nine times so far reading through all these. I would totally buy “Please Stop Shitting in Our Home” for our dog Molly, who considers going outside optional.

      I could write one called “I Love You, But Shut the Fuck Up for Five Minutes,” it’s fun for all ages. :)

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