Season 4 premiere tonight! We’re here to liveblog the whole shebang with you. Joining us tonight will be my mother, who has never watched a single episode of True Blood and told me she had to stop reading my recaps because she had no idea what’s going on, so this should be loads more fun than usual. I promised her naked dudes within ten minutes of the show’s start, so let’s find out if the show makes a liar of me.
Where did we leave off at the end of season 3?
Sookie and Bill have broken up, Sam possibly shoots his own brother for stealing his money, Tara has cut off her hair and fled Bon Temps after Franklin’s death, Eric survived Bill’s attempt at burying him alive in concrete. What else? Jessica and Hoyt have a little house all their own but Hoyt’s mama has a shotgun and bad aim, Pam killed a couple of assassins, Bill is squaring off with the Queen, and Arlene is pregnant with Rene’s demon baby. Oh, and Jesus, Lala’s hottie new boyfriend is a witch, which is super important, because the storyline this season is witch-centric.
9:06 — According to my clock, at least. We’ve already seen the first 6 minutes of the show, so the whole ‘Sookie in Fairyland’ isn’t a surprise. I am surprised at the sheer number of mortals who have apparently never read any fairytales at all. Eating fruit of another world is bad, y’all.
9:09 — For my money, the TB credits are some of the best on TV these days. Ooh, all is rotten in the state of Faerie!
9:12 — Ok, so obviously they’re straying from the books here. But what will this mean for Claudine and her hottie brother on the show?
9:16 — Gary Cole gone already?! Poor Sookie. She’s had a rough couple of weeks. Ooh, but the house is being painted. Maybe that will make her feel better. I will accept this as a substitute for Eric’s driveway regraveling.
9:19 — So TB has made a liar out of me. No naked vampires and Sookie has been missing for a year? I don’t think this is really a show you can jump into the middle of, judging by the questions I’m getting.
9:22 — Bill’s got a new haircut and Eric has to listen to him? I guess his fight with Sophie-Ann went better than one would have thought.
9:24 — “You owe me a plaque!” God love you, Andy.
9:26 — Mohawk?! (“Are they gay?” my mother asks. “Yes, Mom, that’s Lala and Jesus.”)
9:28 — So these are our witches for the season! And channeling Eddie is a nice touch.
9:31 — They are really rushing us through things aren’t they? Arlene had her baby, who enjoys decapitating dolls? And Tara left town to be a cage fighter?! There better be an actual storyline to this change.
9:34 — Hoyt and Jessica, adorable even in domestic un-bliss.
9:35 — “I have proof, scientific, that people are dumber than they believe.” “I’m Eric Northman, tax paying… ” Russell’s little stunt seems to have bred a lot of vampire ass-kissing.
9:36 — I’m serious. If the lesbian, cage fighting life change doesn’t come to decent storyline for Tara, I will flip my switch.
9:44: — Holy sheet, is Tommy living with Mama Hoytenberry? “I might need to go more often.”
9:47 — This is totally not how I pictured Portia at all. This girl doesn’t seem nearly as stuck up.
9:49 — Pam and Jessica. “I’m sorry, it’s just so ridiculous!” I would pay good money for a spin off of these two. Maybe they could give wardrobe advice or solve mysteries or redecorate houses.
9:52 — My mother seems very confused.
9:55 — Oh, Lala. Your side eye is precious. “I’m sorry after all that trouble your bird is still dead.”
9:59 — Hello, Eric. Your understanding of mortal real estate law is troubling, but you’re always welcome on my screen. Love that he’s the one with the faith in her and Bill is the jackass I always said he was.
I’ll leave the liveblog here while I go watch episode 2 online. No spoilers!