Bisexual? Bi George, I think she’s got it!

CaitlinPerspectives8 Comments

I can remember the first time I had Capital F “Feelings” for another woman. I was 16 years old and participating in a weeklong government program at a nearby university. Halfway through the session, we participated in conventions, in which we gathered with the rest of our fictional political party, composed a platform, and, most importantly, danced to pop music during random breaks and acted as though we were actually accomplishing something. One section of the gathering was led by a small group of campers who had arranged our particular convention ““ in short, we were shown a skit in which a girl acted as though she was a superhero and was about to “fight off” the opposing political party. Not the best way to go about teaching the ins and outs of government, I suppose, but it was effective.

Anyway, the camper who dressed up as the superhero was hilarious. You could tell right away that she had no clue why she was doing what she was doing, but she was going to go all the way with it”¦ and I loved it. After the convention, I asked my newfound friends “who that superhero was” and no one knew her name. I eventually spoke with a friend of mine from home and found out the mystery girl’s name (Jenny). My friend also let me know that she had spoken with Jenny once or twice and could introduce us, something that I was totally interested in. At lunch the next day, my friend came up to me and let me know that Jenny was really excited to meet me. She said that we’d go to Jenny’s room, hang out for a bit, and then all head to our evening meetings. After lunch, I went to my room to grab things for the meeting and then looked in the mirror to check my appearance. I felt a bit disappointed at what I saw, so I started messing with my hair, adjusting my clothes, and reaching for my toiletries to throw on some mascara. It was then that I realized this meeting was a bit more than trying to make a friend. I wanted to impress Jenny.

Note: If this were elementary school, this would be where I say, “I LIKE liked her.”

Things didn’t work out with Jenny (at least in a romantic sense), but meeting her introduced me to a confusion that sat with me for, to speak quite literally, years. I didn’t acknowledge what any of my feelings meant until approximately ten months ago. Since meeting Jenny seven years ago, I have had feelings for other women like I did for her, but dismissed them as innocent feelings of friendship. I went so far as to have a physical relationship with a friend from university, only to convince myself that it was “just something everyone does in college!” It took one of my best friends coming out to me as bisexual in January to realize that, “Hey, that’s a thing! And that’s a thing that I am!” And it felt really fantastic to recognize it within myself, have a name for it, and know that it was totally cool.

Pretty quickly after I had claimed the ol’ B in LGBT, I started noticing the ways in which this newfound facet of my identity brought judgment from those I considered extremely close friends. Upon sharing my news with someone I have been close to since middle school, I was met with a response of, “Well, are you sure you’re just not experimental?” (I’m still not sure what that was supposed to mean. I suppose we could grab some lab coats and find out”¦) I’ve also been asked about my interest in threesomes, if I’d be interested in getting with a girl “just so I could watch” – the list goes on and on. Ultimately, it has been an odd road to travel at times and I’m still learning how to navigate it, especially as someone who is out to only a few select people (and now, after all of you have read this, only a few thousand more!). If nothing else, I have learned that I am much happier upon realizing that this part of myself is just that ““ a part. I am not defined by my sexuality, nor will I ever allow someone else to define me by it.

Oh! The time has really gotten away from me. I’m so sorry, but I must be off to my super hot, super experimental threesome now. Thanks so much for reading.

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Caitlin

25 years old. Proud Michigander. Lover of Scandinavia, feminism, the Detroit Tigers, and perusing unaffordable real estate.

Du har. Du vil. Du burde.
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CaitlinBisexual? Bi George, I think she’s got it!

8 Comments on “Bisexual? Bi George, I think she’s got it!”

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  1. Avatar of Bangs with Glasses
    Bangs with Glasses

    Thanks so much for writing this article – I recently came to realize that I identify as queer; same sort of experience you went through with the confusion and stuff (too bad I’m not cool enough to have had a superhero as part of my story, haha). For some reason bi doesn’t really feel right to me, but neither does pansexual, and while I can finally admit that I’m more interested in ladies, I’m still definitely attracted to men. It’s still a bit confusing, but whatever.

    Anyway, I really appreciate you sharing your story and everything; I know I’m not the only person out there having to deal with a sexuality that people question and stuff, but it’s always nice to hear another person’s experience. This is just my long-worded way of, again, saying thanks for sharing.

    1. Avatar of Caitlin
      Caitlin

      I have to say…I got pretty lucky with the superhero appearance. :)

      And thank you for sharing a tiny bit of your story, also! I totally understand the confusion part of it – like I said, I spent, like, seven years just convincing myself that I wasn’t actually attracted to women – and, at the risk of sounding really creepy and odd, if you’d ever like to talk about anything, I love making new friends and chatting!

      Take care.

  2. Avatar of Michelle Miller
    Michelle Miller

    I have to say, a large part of me loves this article for its title. :)

    I appreciate your openness and candidness in discussing this topic. I’m straight, so I don’t often feel like I have any right to speak about the LGBT community, but this issue you bring up is one I’ve often considered: what do bisexuals do when their own community often doesn’t offer them legitimacy?

    I know that you aren’t the only one to face these questions. A good friend of mine finds that she cannot keep a long term relationship with a man because the guys always feel they aren’t fulfilling her. “Don’t you need to have a girlfriend AND a boyfriend?” is typically the line she hears. Essentially, this question just expresses a fear that she will cheat on them with a girl.

    I haven’t asked her about the relationships she’s had with women, but I wonder if she has the same problem with them?

    1. Avatar of Caitlin
      Caitlin

      Let me say that the compliment regarding the title means A LOT. After way too many horribly titled papers in both high school and college, I am dancin’ on the ceiling after your statement. :)

      The issue of legitimacy within the community is something I’m still struggling with, both internally and externally. I’m having trouble sometimes resolving within myself why being bisexual is not seen as a valid identity, as it has become so valid and so important to me so quickly! And I hate (I have no other word to use) that others within the LGBT community struggle to see that bisexuality is a thing. It’s a valid thing! Like…I just want to scream ‘I’m here, I’m bi, get used to it!’ You know, just gettin’ all protest-y with it. Seriously, though, to feel so ‘pushed to the side,’ I suppose, is definitely a hard thing to stomach.

      I haven’t had too much of a problem with men feeling as though they can’t satisfy me – to be fair, though, I haven’t been in a relationship since I came out – but I have had issues with men wanting to watch me with other women, as if my coming out is solely for their voyeuristic gain. That’s disheartening.

  3. Avatar of freckle [M]
    freckle [M]

    I really don’t understand when – especially someone who’s fine with homosexuality – can not ‘understand’ bisexuality. Because .. really? Just add heterosexuality to homosexuality if you can’t wrap your mind around it?

  4. Avatar of GwenBear
    GwenBear

    Thanks for sharing Caitlin.  I hate to say it, but in my 10+ years being out as bisexual, I’ve never stopped getting the hurtful/annoying/ignorant/prejudiced comments, from the gay and straight community.  I have gotten used to it though, and they become easier to brush off.  And I don’t know about you, but I think it’s totally worth all the crap I get to be comfortable with myself and open about that part of myself with the people around me.

    1. Avatar of Caitlin
      Caitlin

      Thank you for sharing with me, also! Fortunately, things haven’t been too horrible yet in terms of comments, but I have prepared myself for the worst. Like you said, though, I’d much rather be out and happy with myself knowing that ‘Hey, this is who I am and you can just deal with it!’ as opposed to feeling scared and insecure within myself. The years and years that I struggled with this were…hard, for lack of a better word, and it feels good to know that I have come out to myself, come out to those I feel need to know right now, and that (for the most part) I have received nothing but love and support.

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