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Morbid Curiosity: Cheese Candle

I’ve got a theory. I’ve mentioned it in a few Morbid Curiosity posts before, and on my own blog. My theory is that people who write cookbooks and recipe pamphlets are often bored out of their freaking skulls, and they entertain themselves by seeing how many strange foods and private jokes they can slip past their editors. I’m not judging them for it… it provides me with hours of entertainment (as well as writing material) and I’m 99.9% certain that I’d be trying to get away with similar hijinks if I were in their position. 

In the Festive Feasting holiday food pamphlet, there are instructions on how to make a Cheese Candle. It’s a simple recipe. You mix the ingredients and mold them into a ball. You stick a piece of carrot into the top of the ball to represent a flame, and you sprinkle caraway seeds around it.

And this is what it looks like when it’s done…

Cheese Candle
Don't you dare psychoanalyse me!

Yep. Certainly “candle” is the first thing that comes to mind when you see this.

This looks exactly like a candle… doesn’t tit it? Wouldn’t this just be the breast best appetizer for any festive occasion? Maybe you could bring this to your workplace holiday party and really expose your festive side to your co-workers! And you know that aunt from the side of your family that gives you the stink-eye if you say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”? You should definitely bring one of these to dinner at her house. In fact, it’s bound to be so popular, you should probably bring two. You can place them on the table right next to the miniature nativity scene!

After all, there are so many beautiful holiday mammaries memories built around food.

Cheese Candle
1 (8 oz.) package of softened cream cheese
3 cups of cheddar cheese, grated
¼ cup of sour cream
¼ cup of finely chopped green onions
Dash of Worcestershire sauce
Dash of Tabasco sauce

Blend ingredients together and shape into a ball. Wrap loosely in foil and chill until firm. Sprinkle caraway seeds on top to represent candle wax. Top with a carrot “flame.” Serve as a spread for crackers.

The recipe featured in this post is from the Canada Packers Festive Feasting pamphlet. Date of publication not shown.

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Jen R. L. Disarray

Jen was once described as a "culinary anthropologist". She liked that. When she is not making questionable foods, Jen enjoys reading, sassing, and lurking all over the internet. Jen has a blog called Maybe We Shouldn't Be Eating This, and she is a contributor to the Geekquality podcast and blog.

13 thoughts on “Morbid Curiosity: Cheese Candle”

  1. Is that a carrot, or are you just happy to see me?

    On further inspection that cheese does look to be in need of a good brassiere. However, my first impression was that your cheese ball had gotten a bit randy. And now I am throughly confused about the gender of this side dish …

    1. If it was a pufferfish, you’d have party guests who think they’re witty asking you which parts are poison and which parts are safe to eat. ALL. NIGHT. LONG.

      You could just answer them by eating the entire cheese thing by yourself, though.  ;)

  2. My theory is that people who write cookbooks and recipe pamphlets are often bored out of their freaking skulls, and they entertain themselves by seeing how many strange foods and private jokes they can slip past their editors

    They must be in cahoots with the people who write Cosmo sex tips, because that is my theory about how they approach their articles – like, they play I Spy and find random things around the room and challenge each other to turn them into sex tips.

    ETA: Also, your tags are cracking me up!

    1. I fully agree with your theory. We should infiltrate these industries, Nancy Drew -style, and get to the bottom of it.

      Also, If this Cheese Candle was a Cosmo sex tip, someone would have instructed you to rub it all over your partner’s body by now.

      1. we had a holiday party at work last week and one of my coworkers brought in these little one-bite cheesecakes. she put cherries in the center of the cakes…they all looked like boobs.

         

        LITTLE BOOBS EVERYWHERE.

        they were mad good, though.

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