The holidays wear thin on my mental, physical, and emotional health. Between the manufactured cheer of holiday music, the yearly “War On Christmas” campaign, maddening consumer panic that eats people alive with a manic fury, and the balls-to-the-wall work schedule that I always think I can handle (I CAN HAVE IT ALL), it’s easy to overload on giving one’s self to the point of becoming a raggedy mess. Our own Golda Porestky said it best in her recent piece, The Gift of Receiving:
Many of us have become accustomed to over-giving. We over-give of our time, our brainpower, and our emotional energy. We do this all year long, and then heighten our over-giving for the holidays, where we buy more presents for others than our budgets really allow, we make food that we don’t really like in order to please others, and we endure lots of parties we don’t want to attend, etc. etc. etc. It’s as if we’re all suffering from Over-Giving Syndrome. Amazingly, we do this at the time of year when the nights are the longest, when our bodies are telling us to rest more, to dream more, to restore our energy. Giving, when done out of a true desire to give, is indeed beautiful and wonderful. But you can’t get to that point of pleasurable giving until you’ve really received.
Giving indeed. Which is why I vote for the gift of giving back to yourself, really – the gift of self-love. The radical kind, the pleasure-inducing kind. The kind that’s usually battery-powered, most likely silicone, and available in multiple colors. Are we on the same page yet?
Yes, self-love. The one hand candy dance. Paddling the pink canoe. A tiptoe through the twolips. Getting to know you, getting to know you much better.
You know what I mean.
The list of innuendos is as long as the time that freezes during stilted awkward holiday party conversation, but with more rewards.
Here are some picks that may be in your interest when it’s all over but the tears. While the magic of the season is gone, these lovely little gifts of self-love will keep you happy all through the winter time.
First off, ain’t no party like a lube party, so let’s get some high quality stuff. While there are some great lubes out there, sometimes we don’t always know what exactly is in them, which in turn, then goes in us. This organic formula not only is going to make the night even more fanciful, but is cruelty-paraben-glycerin free with ingredients like hibiscus, green tea and flax. Do I eat it or do I fuck myself with it? (Answer, just fuck myself with it.)
How cute are these? If you are like me and live in a constant state of being broke, Love Bunnies will be kind to your wallet. A silicone-based one-speed vibe that has a battery that can be easily removed, the Love Bunny is discreet, adorable and gets the job done.
My favorite thing about vibrators is that they always have names that either range from the adorable like “Kitten rainbow Romper” or to the hardcore ” Clit Stomper 4000.” The Butterfly Kiss clearly resides in the first category, only leaving the utmost dainty thoughts of downtime post shower. Did I mention dual action vibe? G-spot stimulation? Butterfly wings that brush up against where they are needed the most? Another affordable pretty playtime toy that’s bound to make you forget the troubles of the day.
I’m sorry; I can keep my vibe on a necklace? Where have you been all my life”¦
I mean”¦ seriously? How much do I need to elaborate. Comes with a silver bullet vibrator, a Bunny tickler, two double batteries and two packs of lube. I believe in miracles.
Take it to the next level with some action both front and behind with this lovely little vibe. Small enough for beginners, yet large enough to pack some serious fun times and a lovely sea foam green. It’s like swimming off a coast of some amazing, warm beach, except instead of swimming, it’s anal pleasure. Minor difference.
This one goes to the big ballers out there, the ones who want to drop some serious coin for some serious self-love (and doubles for when you have sexy times with other folk!). Not only does the kit come with the Moregasm guide to getting your freak on, but it includes every way you possibly could. Sonic Ring Kit, Rabbit Habit and Fukuoko 9000 Finger Vibe, oh my! Go big, or go home.
Tristan Taormino does erotic fiction with a whammy in this multi-versed collection of stories from writers of all different gender and sexual backgrounds, while highlighting genderqueer and transgender stories. The bonus of this book is that it isn’t standard set erotica – there’s complexity and the writing, which is fantastic, is reflective of that. Writers like Kate Bornstein and Patrick Califia present stories that are bound to be enjoyed. Literally.
The thing about all this self-loving is that you are probably need some more self-loving afterwards. The Jimmy Jane Afterglow set has got you covered. A few scented candles that, ready for this? Double as massage oil. But doesn’t a massage usually include another person you say? Not in my book. I prefer the solo foot and calf massage after working the 12-hour holiday rush, making my tired feet feel as happy as my other loved happy bits.
Once you’re done with all your self lovin’, make sure that everyone knows that you’re the queen of the neighborhood by showing off your self-love pride with this tee. Sure to get those in the know laughing and cooing with delight, as well as a surefire cocktail party conversation starter if needed. Grandma approved.
Whether or not you celebrate the idea of an old, large, white man breaking into your house to eat your food and maybe leaving some stuff (is Santa actually Newt Gingrich? Are elves actually poor children with no work habits, doing janitorial work? Actually, he’s probably the Krampus), we all can celebrate the dire need for self love in a season defined by giving, giving, giving, until you don’t have anything left to give.
So give yourself some love. I know I will.
Editors Note: The writer of this piece specifically covered pieces from Babeland, but has not received any samples from them, nor affiliated with them. She just likes that they are down the street from her and always provide good, sexy times. Many of these fun items can be found at your local sex toy store!