Q and A with Ms. Vagina Science: How Do You Masturbate?

14 Comments Added

1. 

   [M] QoB January 13, 2012 |

   Added because I haven't seen anyone else mention it yet: pelvic floor exercises (Kegels in American, I believe). If you know/can learn how to tense and release your muscles there, it brings more blood to the area and makes things more sensitive. Oh, and don't be expecting stars and fireworks the first time, necessarily. Great if it happens, but the first few times for me felt more like the "genital sneeze": fun, interesting, but not mind-blowing. It took practice to get better at it.
2. 

   Jak January 13, 2012 |

   CAME, if you find your clitoris is too sensitive to orgasm from direct stimulation I really recommend grinding.  You can do that on couch arms, as msvaginascience mentioned, on a rolled up towel, a stack of pillows, a pillow over top of a rolled towel or even on your own hand.  The best part about your hand is you can shape it to cup your vulva as much as you want.
3. 

   Anna J. Cook January 12, 2012 |

   Some things that didn't work for me: 1. Water, for the reasons already mentioned -- it seems to destroy my natural lubrication, and I even find a hot bat to be distracting in temperature extremes. That said, I realize it's massively popular with some folks, so perhaps worth a shot? 2. Alcohol. It puts me to sleep and makes climax difficult. I tried wine a few times to loosen myself up and it was always counter-productive. Now that I know what I'm doing, I can still orgasm while slightly tipsy, but I wouldn't recommend it as a way to ease into things. It seems, in my experience to dull sensation. 3. Toys. I love toys, yes. Vibrators, dildos, nipple clamps, etc. But I actually find hands still produce my strongest orgasms (my own hands or someone else's). I say this not to criticize someone who does find toys satisfying, but to suggest that you may or may not experience toys as more satisfying than hands, as the OP seems to suggest. If you prefer hands, you're not broken! Some things that were really helpful/successful: 1. Patience. Taking things really, really slow with the hands and spending a lot of time of fantasy. 2. Privacy and time. These go along with patience. The less anxious you are, the more comfortable in the space you're in, without fear of interruption or the pressure of upcoming demands, the more likely your body will relax and respond with arousal. 3. To be honest, although this sounds incredibly nerdy, the one thing that finally helped me figure out orgasms after years of failed trial-and-error was reading the first-person accounts of what orgasm FELT LIKE to individual women in Shere Hite's report on female sexuality, published in the mid-70s. It's dated, and the methodology is sketchy, but the personal narratives are really moving and their variety is great! They really drive home the reality that there's no one right way to go about sexual pleasure.  
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     Meghan Young Krogh January 12, 2012 |

     I am on the hands-work-best bandwagon, myself.
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     Stephanie January 12, 2012 |

     Seconding the hands.
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     paperispatient January 13, 2012 |

     Thirding the hands!
4. 

   Dr. Song January 12, 2012 |

   For some great lady-friendly porn, check out my dear dear friend Miss Maggie Mayhem's site: missmaggiemayhem.com will link you to her essays about sexuality and culture, as well as all the smut she's been making lately. Keep an eye out for The Ned; he's my best mate from school :)
5. 

   KitzyKid January 12, 2012 |

   I would also mention that if you haven't ever taken a look down there, it may not look exactly like the diagrams. This is completely normal. I'd say the first step to figuring out what works for you is literally just feeling things out. I'd also try to check things out at a time where you have some privacy... it's just one less thing to worry about while you are deciding what you like.
6. 

   paperispatient January 12, 2012 |

   For even more anatomical fun, have a look at these 3D representations of the female genitalia! There's a great one that shows how far-reaching the clitoris is, which is really cool. My advice based on my own experience would be don't forget to explore inside as well; my clitoris is extremely particular about the kind of stimulation it likes, but reaching in and rubbing my G-spot is a guaranteed orgasm for me. For a while, I remember feeling a little weird because everything I read emphasized how important (external) clitoral stimulation is and that differed quite a lot from my experiences. Then I realized that all that matters is if what you're doing feels good (and that what feels good is different for everyone) and it can be lots of fun to figure that out. :)
7. 

   [M] QoB January 12, 2012 |

   I've never understood the bath thing, either. Water is a terrible lubricant.
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     Meghan Young Krogh January 12, 2012 |

     Cosigned.
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     Stephanie January 12, 2012 |

     Ugh me either. Glad I'm not the only one.
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     veruna January 13, 2012 |

     The only time I think the bath thing works is when you're using the removable shower head to let running water be the stimulus instead of your hand or toy. Though that doesn't always work for me either. So I'm pretty much in the non-bath camp.
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     Savannah Logsdon-Breakstone January 18, 2012 |

     If you have oil based lube, it can work. . . But generally not rec'd, especially for the toyless. Probably the only exception in my experience is if you have a toy- but you;ll still need lube depending on how much you secrete during and get off quick. Water definitely is a natural lube killer. :-/