Never Tell an Alligator “Bite My Snatch”

On January 13, 2012 at 9:00 pm in Humor

I wanted to write something funny today, but when I sat down at the keyboard I realized that I didn’t have anything funny to say. Don’t you hate it when that happens? I cast around for inspiration, and all I could think of was an old Steve Martin joke:

You know, a lot of people come to me and they say, ‘Steve, how can you be so fucking funny?’ There’s a secret to it, it’s no big deal. Before I go out, I put a slice of bologna in each of my shoes. So when I’m on stage, I feel funny.

Sadly, I have no bologna in the house, so I’ve decided to let other people be funny for me. First up, the great man himself:

Next, this has always been one of my favorite bits. In fact, I have listened to it so many times on my Woody Allen stand-up record that when I was unexpectedly called upon to deliver a monologue in a theater class, I was able to pull out the moose joke with nary a falter:

Now, enough of the guys. Let’s bring out the funny ladies. I included a clip of Madeline Kahn in Board Game Trivia earlier this week, and it just wasn’t enough. She is amazingly funny, and classy to boot:

And, speaking of classy, I found this medley of Golden Girls fart jokes:

To close out this collage, I had never seen this before, but I fell in love as soon as I found it. The great Gilda Radner gives us the title for this post:

Get to know [E]SaraB

[E]SaraB has crafted 316 article(s) for Persephone Magazine.

Glass artisan by day, blogger by night (and sometimes vice versa). SaraB has three kids, three pets, one husband and a bizarre sense of humor. Her glass pendants can be found at www.etsy.com/shop/AngryOwlStudio if you're interested in checking it out.

Tags: gilda radner, golden girls fart jokes, let's talk dirty to the animals, madeline kahn, steve martin, woody allen

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22 responses to Never Tell an Alligator “Bite My Snatch”

MJ said on January 16, 2012 at 10:56 am

I’m old enough to remember buying Steve Martin comedy albums on LPs and playing them repeatedly, howling with laughter no matter how many times I heard the jokes.

To this day, whenever I hear anyone talk about “singing from their diaphragm” I automatically think “that would take YEARS to learn!!”

Good times.
- [E]SaraB said on January 16, 2012 at 11:59 am
  
  I remember listening to “Let’s Get Small” on LP and laughing, even though I was too young to get most of the jokes. When I was older, and had inherited the record from my dad, one of my roommates stole it for sampling purposes.
Dr. Song said on January 15, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Madeline Kahn is the funniest woman ever to walk this earth. DISCUSS
- [E]SaraB said on January 16, 2012 at 12:00 pm
  
  I don’t know how much discussion is needed. She is the funniest woman ever – end story.
Katie said on January 14, 2012 at 2:03 am

gilda radner is my HERO. hands down.

how can you not love that FACE?!?
[E] pileofmonkeys said on January 13, 2012 at 9:18 pm

I absolutely adore that the HotW,P1 video’s stillshot is an ass. Madeline Kahn was freaking amazing.
- [E]SaraB said on January 13, 2012 at 9:26 pm
  
  I actually didn’t know that would be the still when I put it in here. I hit Preview and was like “Score!”
  - [E] pileofmonkeys said on January 13, 2012 at 9:39 pm
    
    You honestly could not have planned that better.
- jen* said on January 13, 2012 at 11:52 pm
  
  i <3 Madeline Kahn. ”What’s Up, Doc?” is one of my fave movies and it’s her movie debut – at being awesome on film.
  - [E]SaraB said on January 14, 2012 at 12:59 am
    
    I LOVE THAT MOVIE! People are skeptical when I tell them it is a Babs movie, but it is one of the most charmingly funny movies I have ever seen. I debated putting one of her (Madeline Kahn’s) What’s Up Doc moments in here (where she’s being dragged out of the ballroom screaming) but it didn’t work without more context.
Cesy said on January 13, 2012 at 9:15 pm

My approach to taking my Jurisprudence exam was if I had a mind blank, to just write down the Bruce’s Philosophers Song, do a funny little dance and leave.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_WRFJwGsbY

It thankfully didn’t come to that, but I do know it off by heart.
- [E]SaraB said on January 13, 2012 at 9:24 pm
  
  I was inordinately proud the first time I was able to sing “Just as sloshed as Schlegel” without getting my tongue twisted.
  
  I have never met you, but I can totally picture you doing your funny little dance and leaving the room with a “G’day Bruce!”
  - Cesy said on January 13, 2012 at 10:06 pm
    
    Aw, that’s one of the most lovely compliments that someone has ever paid to me!
    
    I’m also quite proficient with the 4 Yorkshiremen Skit, I’ve just discovered Alan Rickman, Harry Enfield, Vic Reeve and Eddie Izzard doing it.
    
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Lb-2VaJYPw
    
    (If someone could teach me how to embed videos, I’d be ever so grateful!)
    - [E]SaraB said on January 14, 2012 at 1:09 am
      
      Apparently it is not as easy to fix out here in the comments as it is when you are writing a post. All I know how to do is unlink the url and YouTube embedding magic happens, but it didn’t work when I tried it in a comment. This would be a good thing to know.
      
      Anyway, that is fantastic. I am particularly fond of Eddie Izzard. He is pretty AND funny, and just the right amount of dirty. I don’t mind off-color jokes, but I hate it when someone tries to be funny by being as rude as they possibly can.
      - Cesy said on January 14, 2012 at 4:37 am
        
        I spent NYE watching his infamous Dress to Kill. I spent a lot of time just drunkenly yelling CAKE OR DEATH? I’m very much the same with my humour. I prefer it to be clever and witty. I used to think Jimmy Carr was clever until I saw his stand up- hideous rape jokes, bad one liners and just rude without reason. Totally turned me off him.
mxandb said on January 13, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Mitch Hedberg was the funniest damn man. This is a small bit but it had me in stitches. Go find more Great ones!
- mxandb said on January 13, 2012 at 9:06 pm
  
  Dogs are forever in the push-up position.
  - [E]SaraB said on January 13, 2012 at 9:25 pm
    
    He is a very funny man, I was just stuck in the 70s/80s this morning. (It’s one of my happy places)
  - veruna said on January 13, 2012 at 11:43 pm
    
    My fan fucking lied to me! So I pull the pin up. Now you ain’t saying shit.
- Bangs with Glasses said on January 13, 2012 at 9:48 pm
  
  Not to be a downer, but I still can’t believe he died – so sad. He was hilarious though, and I could always (and do) get a laugh listening to him.
  - mxandb said on January 13, 2012 at 9:50 pm
    
    There was a moment during this clip that I yelled at the screen, “Why are you dead?!”
    
    And I still get mad at out-of-order escalators. They could become STAIRS!
- Cynthia said on January 13, 2012 at 10:35 pm
  
  LOVE. I didn’t know much about Mitch Hedberg until a grad school friend gave me one of his CDs a few years ago. He was really fantastic.