News Appetizers: Because Journalism Tastes Better With Sass

[E]Coco PapyNews15 Comments

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Kittens, it’s Wednesday. That means we have survived another few days, which is a damn miracle if you gauge it by the news. So suck down those mixed drinks and put on a brave face: we are diving into the mid-week news, where sexism is officially dead, we’re post-racial, and like that nice little fish in the movie says, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.”

Don’t you love the smell of GOP nonsense trying to turn back the legality of Roe v. Wade in the morning? Today offers a double whammy with Virginia officially passing its mandatory ultrasound bill as of yesterday. Passed by Bob McDowell, the bill, which is relatively self-explanatory, forces any person (the bill specifically stating women) seeking an abortion to be subjected to a mandatory ultrasound. But whoopie doo, it doesn’t have to be trans-vaginal! Goodness me oh my, let freedom ring. And if that wasn’t enough to leave you feeling confident in the state of your personal business, in Alabama, Senator Clay Scofield, who just looks like he sprouted his first hair on his ballsack, backed off a bill that would have required anyone seeking an abortion to choose between a medically unnecessary transvaginal sonogram and a medically unnecessary abdominal sonogram. Did I mention that physicians who did not give these ultrasounds could potentially face ten years in jail or a $15,000 fine?

In a tidbit that’s sure to reaffirm everything you know about the way rape is treated in this country, in Atlanta, a judge is under investigation after pulling out a handgun in court while a female victim was testifying against the area Sheriff, who is accused of raping and assaulting the woman. Superior Court Judge David Barrett told the woman as he held the gun out that she “might as well shoot her lawyer because she was killing her case.” Ladies, I’m going to need someone to hold back my hair when I vomit, and then someone to hold my earrings when shit gets real.

Election laws, they are a-changin’, and certainly not for the best. The Voting Rights Act , created in 1965 as a way to ensure that historically racially discriminatory voting practices were put to a rest, is now under threat, as Southern GOP members have actively been rebuilding the party by questioning the constitutionality of the landmark bill.

"President Obama once said he wants everybody in America to go to college. What a snob." - Rick Santorum

In Ohio, Tanya McDowell, the homeless mother who was arrested last year for sending her five-year-old son to a better school in a district where she did not have permanent residence has officially been sentenced to five years in prison on charges of “stealing” her son’s education. Because if you steal and embezzle millions of dollars from the American public, it’s all good, but if you want to somehow circumvent the rampant systematic racism thats inherent in many people’s lives in attempt to better the life of your children, well then, you apparently just get the same systematic racism all over again.

Rick Santorum. Because apparently someone warned him about the word uppity. Conclusion: still awful.

Should human rights violations lawsuits against corporations be forbidden? Yes, that’s an actual question being pondered. The Supreme Court debated whether or not corporations can basically do whatever they please because to be fair, they do experience deep emotions like love, sadness, and fear like real people. The debate was brought upon by a recent case against corporation mega-lord Chevron, where 12 Nigerian plaintiffs alleged that company members aided human rights violations committed against them by the Abacha dictatorship in Nigeria in a way that grew their own profit. Um, what part about torture seems debatable? Wait, don’t answer that.

In deeply tragic news, a school shooting in Ohio has left three dead and two injured. On Monday in Chardron, Ohio, 17-year-old T. J. Lane used a .22 caliber Ruger semiautomatic pistol to fire ten rounds into a cafeteria. The victims, Russell King Jr., Demetrius Hewlin and Daniel Parmertor, were all 17. Lane is currently being held in custody with pending charges. Our thoughts and deepest sympathies are with the parents, families, and friends of those who have gone through such a horrible thing that makes so very little sense to anyone.

Revolted, angered, and saddened, the world is a deeply scary place, made bearable by moments of joy and love. So remember kids, when the news looks bleak, give someone a hug or maybe even a hello. Because while the big picture can be pretty overwhelmingly awful sometimes, we certainly don’t have to be. So until our next delicious newscap, stay safe, stay informed, and love one another like the end of Rick Santorum’s career depended on it.

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[E]Coco Papy

Savannah born, New York groomed, and Savannah back again writer, editor, and content creator.
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[E]Coco PapyNews Appetizers: Because Journalism Tastes Better With Sass

15 Comments on “News Appetizers: Because Journalism Tastes Better With Sass”

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  1. Profile photo of Maggie (the choirperson)
    Maggie (the choirperson)

    Re: the Voting Rights Act: I’m tempted to say that it’s not so much a racism thing as it is a “we want the same rights the other states have” thing.  Of course, the “right” that the they want is a voter ID bill, so I have no sympathy for them. Also, apparently it affects gerrymandering (and by “affects,” I mean helps to prevent), so there’s another point in its favor.

    1. Profile photo of jen*
      jen*

      hmmm.  I can say that maybe the impetus is to maintain control of “red” states, but I think it comes back to race almost any way you slice it.  Ultimately, it’s about wanting to be in control of everything to get what they want, and deny what they don’t – sure.  But parse that out a bit and you see it breaks down pretty starkly along color lines.  There’s gotta be some reason for that.  Especially when so many poor/middle-class white people are willing to vote against their own self-interests to support these endeavors.

      2012 is shaping up into a hell of a year.  And it’s not even March 1st yet.

  2. Profile photo of Bird
    Bird

    Ladies, I’m going to need someone to hold back my hair when I vomit, and then someone to hold my earrings when shit gets real.

    I volunteer. If your rage tires you out, we can tag team.

  3. Profile photo of Elfity
    Elfity

    The Santorum thing just kills me. Thanks for adding fire to our liberal suspicions that conservatives don’t want their kids to go to college because then they might learn to think for themselves and reject the mind-numbingly ignorant beliefs of their parents! And “snob,” really?

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