Phantom Menace 3D: I Got Up to Go

OMG! I paid to see this again???

I have to confess, when Star Wars: Episode I first came out, I was in college. My friends and I waited in line for hours to view the first midnight showing. The excitement oozed from everyone. Finally, Star Wars would continue and we were alive to witness it. As we came out, we insanely jumped in line again. I manged to see each of the following episodes once, and have not looked at them again. I refuse to acknowledge the existence of the newer ones.

However, I do my duty as a good parent and teach my child about Star Wars.

You see, I LOVE Star Wars. The real ones. I grew up with New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, and my all time favorite, Return of the Jedi. The story, the sets, the acting. We saw all the releases before the fake Star Wars movies (Episodes I, II, and III) were released. I even have the special movie edition of the Jedi Luke Skywalker action figure.

With this latest release, Lucas has shown once again that he only cares about the money.

An hour into the crapfest I wondered why I paid the $25 dollars to see this film in 3D. Not once did the movie take advantage of the technology. I hoped that the pod race scene would make up for the sheer lack of excitement. But it didn’t. I see no point to making a 2D movie a 3D one, other than to make money. It is an annoying trend in Hollywood. Lucas is just one of the latest. I will not go see Titanic in 3D. I won’t do it.

Lucas has the audacity to get pissed at the public for the criticism he has received and has called it “quits.” Whatever. He won’t walk away from his cash cow. Sometimes I wonder about the rumors of a ghost writer for the first three.

I miss the magic of New Hope.

New Hope captured the imagination of children and adults. I think Lucas forgot the other part of his audience. Phantom Menace was made for an 8-year-old. The slapstick humor and annoying Jar Jar Binks made my 8-year-old crack up.

I rolled my eyes.

He sat enthralled though for whole thing! I, on the other hand, kept wondering if the movie would ever end. I mean, really, how could an army completely made up of droids expect to win. If you watch Phinneas and Ferb, you’ll understand why I sat through the movie wondering where the self destruct button was. I kept wishing for storm troopers.

The climatic battle ending brought an end to the entire thing, with Gunguns pushing over the dead droids. Even the award ceremony was nothing compared to New Hope. Very lacking in pomp.

So the final opinion on Phantom Menace 3D:

8 year old boy: I didn’t have to go pee once!

Paying Adult: I got up and left four times. Probably would have gone more I’d had more soda.

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Pursuing life to its fullest. A woman, a mom, wife, and struggling teacher who knows the importance of treating myself right.

17 thoughts on “Phantom Menace 3D: I Got Up to Go”

  1. I haven’t seen this in 3D and have no intentions of seeing it. For that matter, I haven’t seen any of the recent 3D re-releases. They just seem unnecessary. I’d rather see 3D films that were made in 3D like Tintin or Shrek Forever After.

    There are certain things I enjoyed about Phantom Menace: Ewan MacGregor’s Obi Wan, the fight with Darth Maul and John Williams’ score.

    HOWEVER, these don’t make up for the aforementioned Jar-Jar Binks, nor for Padme being so much older than Anakin, nor for everyone referring to him as Ani.

    If I want to learn the saga of little Orphan Ani, I’ll just pick up the newspaper.

  2. I’m not a Star Wars fan (I can appreciate the originals, but they aren’t my thing).  I remember when an ex “made” me watch The Phantom Menace.  I don’t get the pod race scene, which doesn’t really advance the plot or do anything than go “OH LOOK WE HAVE COMPUTERS NOW” or whatever.  When I heard it was coming out in 3D I thought maybe the pod race would be redeemed.  I’m a little sad to hear that isn’t the case.

    The Lion King was pretty cool in 3D, but maybe that’s just because I hadn’t seen the movie in 10 years and was enjoying reliving that part of my childhood.  But for the most part I agree – 3D movies are rarely worth the 3D price.

  3. My dad and I went to see TPM together the day it came out – we bonded throughout my childhood over the awesomeness of the originals – and dragged my mom, who prefers Reese Witherspoon movies, along to see it. After the movie, we just left and didn’t really say much, until my mom piped in, “That was pretty bad, wasn’t it? Do you want me to help you kill George Lucas? Or maybe the kid who played, what was his name, Anacin?”

    And ugh, I hate that you spent that much money on this movie. I really do kind of hope that George Lucas realizes after this one that he just needs to stop. He can be a producer but needs to stay out of directing/writing/anything other than financing films for the rest of his damned life.

  4. F yeah, Return of the Jedi!!

    I’m so glad I didn’t let Phantom Menace ruin all of the other Star Wars movies for me. I had watched the originals as a young child, but didn’t really feel strongly about them one way or the other. However, I hated Phantom Menace. Somehow I was talked into rewatching the original three after that and I fell in love with them. I refuse to watch Phantom Menace again, and I dread the day I have to sit through it with my future children.

  5. Aw that sounds as terrible as I thought it would be. I’m sorry you wasted your money, but at least your son had fun!

    That said, I might go and see Titanic. For one, it’s a way better movie, for two, James Cameron gets 3D (say what you will about everything else he does, he tells a good story (even if you’ve already heard it 19 times) and he knows how to use the technology to entertain) and for three, young Leo and Kate (obviously).

  6. There are few times when my parents and I all go see a movie together. When Phantom Menace came out, we all went to see it. I hadn’t realized my parents were Star Wars fans until this point. It was interesting. (Especially since they raised a girl who would ultimately become a trekkie…)

    Hot Damn. I don’t think my dad has been more disappointed in a movie in his entire life. Oh boy, he was mad at the end of it. Just so angry. I felt bad. But then, I wasn’t as invested. At one point when I was about 10, my mom made me watch all three of the first movies. …I was not impressed. I found Chewie to be the only character I liked. And don’t even get me started on how PISSED I was when I found out that girls couldn’t have The Force (except in extreme cases). At ten years old! I was Angry. Lucas is a jerk.

    Now a 3D version? Not even going to happen. I’ll sign up for Titanic 3D but only because there are like 7 friends who want to see it too. No one gets in our way of more Leo. :)

  7. HOT DAMN. Twenty-five dollars for a movie? We’re talking USD, not Monopoly money, right?

    TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS FOR A MOVIE? I am one cranky, perturbed old crone right now.

    Also, I think George Lucas is a jerk. I’m a wee bit sorry I didn’t audibly hiss at him when we met.

  8. When this movie came out 13 years ago (13?  Really?  13???!!!), I was so excited that I wanted it to be be something my kids would always remember.  On opening day, I signed both of them out of school for the first matinee showing so they could be among the first people to see it.

    They still tell everyone what a cool mom I was – and they still hate the movie.  They were 12 and 10 and they hated the movie, even my son – whose name is Luke and who up to that time worshiped everything Star Wars.

    But I’m still a cool mom.


  9. I was afraid of this, which is why I didn’t go see it, well that and I didn’t want to drive 2hrs to find a theater showing it (yay small town America). But I really just want to shank George Lucas. He keeps milking the great movies of my childhood for more money without making them better, and in many cases (I’m looking at you Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull) really just jack knives out of the movie mythology to ruin them.


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