Recap: The Vampiaries, Ep. 3.15, “All My Children”

The events of “All My Children” pick up the morning after the ball chez Les Originaux. After Elena and Stefan’s will-they-or-won’t-they moment Elena calls to check up on him, but alas, Stefan, bruised soul that he is, is busy self-flagellating as he journals.

Post-coital Damon without a shirt on.
Good job Damon. That is all.

In trusted Elena fashion, she tries Damon next. He answers with Rebekah next to him in bed. A conversation with Deadpan Damon ensues leaving Elena no choice but to go and see him, obvi. As she arrives, Rebekah leaves. It’s all very awkward, except for Rebekah, who is kind of delightfully smug. Oh and Damon’s not wearing a shirt. So that’s good. Elena informs Damon of Esther’s plans to kill her whole family and confesses she feels bad about it. Oh Elena. Stupid heart of gold, that girl. Damon thinks she’s an idiot. Stefan thinks so too. Later while with Bonnie and Caroline (I love when they are girls together), Bonnie tells them that Esther has enlisted her and Abbie’s help for the take down and it’s happening that night. Only Elena has doubts. And Caroline calls Damon the vampire gigolo. Because she rules.

Look at me, Lord of the Douches. Who else can I apply my aggressive misogyny to?

Back at the Bad Guys house, Kol (no seriously, this is how it’s spelled, what?) slut shames Rebekah because Kol is a first class D-Bag. I can see why Klaus daggered him. Also, are vampires subject to mystical arrested development? Because aside from Finn and Elijah, they all act like hormonal teenagers, and even mama’s boy Finn is arguable. Elijah tells Rebekah that he’s worried about their mother, Esther is up to something. Being the problem solver that he is, he takes the situation into his own hands. After giving Elena a nice history lesson in the woods (that is as contrived as all of the Mystic Falls history), Elena guiltily reveals Esther’s plan. So he chucks her in a hole in the underground cavern system and holds her hostage with Rebekah as her guard. As you do.

At the Grill, Alaric is having a nice time with Sexy Psycho Doctor. She informs him it’s impossible to determine who his attacker was, but maybe it was a vampire and he was compelled to forget. Klaus, out for a night of brother bonding with Kol, shows up at that exact moment and dismisses the idea. And really, as if it could be one of the Mikaelsons. They have way too much style for those kinds of stunts.

Everyone starts to worry a bit about Elena. No one has heard from her, which is pretty odd. Elijah surprises the Salvatore brothers at their house and reveals what’s up. If they don’t disrupt Esther’s ritual by whatever means necessary (which might mean killing Bonnie or Abbie) before it’s complete, Elena is a goner. With little choice they concede to do it, though Damon has a different plan. Instead of killing one of the witches, why not kill an Original? One Original down means all of them dead. Problem solved.

Arms folded across her chest, Caroline is unimpressed with Klaus' attempts at flirting.
And this is what you call taking one for the team.

They set up the play to get Kol. Caroline heads to the grill to distract Klaus. She lures him outside with her fuck-off attitude that Klaus can’t resist. He asks her about her hopes and dreams. Man, Klaus has no game. Meanwhile, as Kol is busy aggressively pursuing Sexy Psycho Doctor, Alaric sneaks in and daggers him. All of the Originals feel it and start to go all veiny and weird. The jig is up and Klaus realizes he’s been played. Sad face. It can be hard to not sympathize with Klaus at times. But then you remember he’s selfish and psychotic, so there’s that. Klaus finds Kol and undaggers him while knocking a few Good Guys to the ground. Elijah shows up in time to stop the massacre and reminds everyone of the bigger picture. Stop the ritual or Elena dies.

The Salvatores know what they have to do. They assume shit is going down at the old witch house. It’s a good guess. They know that one of them is going to have to kill Bonnie or her mother and that this will cause Elena a great deal of pain. But what choice? They flip a coin for it.

Esther and Finn work out the circle magic using a salted pentagram and flaming torches.
I wonder if the circle banished them to the same place as Queen Bavmorda.

In the yard,  Esther and her cohorts have a big ol’ pentagram salted into the earth and torches burning. Kol, Elijah and Klaus show up. Bonnie and her mother run into the house for protection against the Originals but they get separated. Stefan is waiting for her. He explains the situation to Bonnie’s horror. As this is happening, Damon attacks Abbie. He makes her into a vampire thus breaking the Bennett witch line and screwing up Esther’s plan. Outside, Esther knows something has gone wrong and after she exchanges some bitter words with her sons, she and Finn, her would-be sacrifice, disappear.

 “All of you. You’re a curse on this earth.” Ouch.

There’s a lot of wrap up in this episode. Bonnie is understandably upset – Abbie is transitioning and it’s too hard and even though Elena (who is fine after her evening with Rebekah) wants to help, Bonnie doesn’t want to see her. Because Bonnie is always the one to get hurt. Which, on the one hand, fair enough. She’s lost Gran, that dude from the fair, that other witch dude, Jeremy, and now this thing with Abbie. But I can’t help but think she’s kind of being a baby. I mean, she knows where she lives. It’s not as though any of it is really that surprising. And they’ve all lost a lot. All of them. I guess I just feel like Bonnie is blaming Elena and that’s lame. Elijah, meanwhile, is going on about being a monster and using people and feeling guilty and all that. He leaves a note of apology to Elena. I’d say he and Stefan are the most self-aware of all the vamps.

“She didn’t make us monsters. We did that to ourselves.”

Monsters aren’t born that way. They make themselves through their choices. Though I suppose Gaga might have something to say about that. Rebekah and a heart-broken Klaus, decidedly unmonsterish in this moment, bond a bit over feelings of betrayal and abandonment. Maybe it’ll be like old times for the two of them. And while all this has happened, it has been insinuated that Stefan isn’t drinking human blood. Damon needles him a bit and finds out that since the bridge incident Stefan hasn’t touched a drop. That’s what rock bottom looks like. It makes sense, Stefan has gradually become more and more reasonable and less and less stormy angry guy. So that’s nice. Damon is going to be the bad guy again and Stefan will work towards some kind of greyish redemption. Each wearing the role that suits them best.

But what of Alaric and Dr. Fell? In the tussle with Klaus, Alaric took a hit and bowed out of the action. Dr.Fell took him home for some tending to. All seems well enough and they fall asleep. But Alaric wakes up, in pain from a cracked rib. He looks for some drugs and finds some serious evidence against Sexy Psycho Doctor. Just then she shows up, gun in hand.

“I wish you hadn’t seen those.”

And then she fires.

Images from vampirediariesonline.com and vampirediariesweb.com.

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Shamelessly enjoys ramen noodles. And romangst.

16 thoughts on “Recap: The Vampiaries, Ep. 3.15, “All My Children””

  1. I think Bonnie has every right to not want to see Elena here, because much as I like Elena, Bonnie’s mother just got vamped to save her – that can’t be easy to deal with when you realise the choice was between your mother or your best friend. And Bonnie tends to be used to help Elena out all the damn time.

    1. Yeah I get that, and I suppose it’s especially rough on Bonnie since she really doesn’t like vampires in general. I guess my thing is that it’s not really Elena’s fault. It’s not her fault she’s the Doppelganger, and the whole scene, even with Caroline’s caveat, seemed blamey to me. Part of it is that the writers haven’t done anything that interesting with Bonnie in terms of character development. She’s always sad or complaining about something, which is fine, but she doesn’t really do much about it. It seems like as far as the writing goes she’s a means to an end and that’s kind of lame; they need to do something more dynamic or empowering with her. Maybe that will start to happen with Abbie’s transformation – we’ll start to see Bonnie doing something other than being ordered around or feeling sad about everything else.

      1. Especially as Bonnie already pretty much hated Damon…(for totally legit reasons. This show makes it sooooo easy to forget that the vampires at least have pretty much all been horrible horrible people at one point or another, I mean look at Klaus right now!)

    1. My recent brain flash was that maybe she’s being compelled and she actually meant it when she said she wishes Alaric didn’t find all that evidence. I dunno. I don’t really like her that much anyway. She doesn’t have a lot of personality. At least Aunt Whatsherface had personality (maybe not enough if I can’t remember her name), if a somewhat occasionally obnoxious one.

  2. Ahahaha we were right about Dr Fell!! I do not like thee!

    (or were we?)

    I suppose a mother who would defy the fabric of nature to immortalise her children can’t be said to have a very healthy, adult relationship with them. And the more I see of Kol (seriously?) the more I sympathise with Klaus, which is just…wrong.

    Also, I think the writers must have a Shirtlessness Index that they are obliged to hit every episode.

    1. I love how the writers figure out how to get us to sympathize with the bad guys. Every damn time. So we’ll probably find out that Dr. Fell has been compelled or something like that or some baddie (who we will later love) is holding her grandmother hostage. I think the Original story line is being pushed aside now to take up the Dr. Fell thing so it’ll be interesting to see what’s actually going on. 

      Since your shirt letters seem to have worked perhaps we should start complaining about pants. Less pants! More exposed limbs!

        1. Ooh! I never thought of that! When Elena showed up at the Original party I thought it might be Katherine (curly hair and all) but I suppose that makes no sense since she wouldn’t go to Klaus’ house.  (That sounds like an early 90’s dance club.) I hope they bring Katherine back. She is delightfully wicked.

  3. I love the sarcastic tone of these reviews. :) It really is the best way to talk about this show.

    They really need to stop harming Alaric. It’s just cruel. He had better be alive. :(

    And to be honest, I’m a little sad to see evil Stefan go. He’s so much more interesting than broody good-guy Stefan. Alas.

    I hope Elijah doesn’t leave for too long. I need his lovely face on my screen.

    1. Mmm, I love Elijah too. There’s something seriously debonair about him. Evil Stefan was great, but evil Damon is more fun I think. Controlling angsty Damon is boring.  Also, sarcasm and giggles are fully necessary to appreciate the beauty of TVD. I’m glad you enjoy them!

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