Q: Orgasming is usually pretty easy for me, so for the Great Orgasm Challenge, I’m wanting to learn how to have a squirting/female ejaculation orgasm. I’ve squirted before, but not intentionally. How do I get myself to do that again? (Also, I really hate that name, so feel free to come up with something that sounds less messy than “squirting.”)
A: Great question! I would say the first thing to keep in mind is that how it happens can be different from person to person (whether or not everyone is even capable of it is a matter of debate), so you might need to do some experimenting to figure out what, er, makes the dam burst for you. (We’re totally going to be trying out different names for squirting throughout the post – let us know in the comments if you have any good names for it! It can sometimes be extremely messy, though, so “squirting” might be apt after all.)
Like you, I have orgasms pretty easily and had wondered about trying to make myself squirt when one day it just happened, BAM! Or, GUSH! Took me completely by surprise, and now it happens almost every time we have certain kinds of sex. So the other thing to keep in mind is that even if you can’t figure out how to make it happen on purpose, that doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen again or that you won’t figure out the trick(s) in the future. The last thing to remember before we start talking about possible ways to make it happen again is that there can be a great deal of variation just for one person – sometimes it might be a you-definitely-can’t-miss-it geyser-like eruption, but other times it might be just a little trickle. Squirting often happens during orgasm, but it can also happen right before an orgasm or completely independent of one.
Most guides to female ejaculation state that it goes hand-in-hand (or fill in the appropriate body parts yourself) with G-spot stimulation. Personally, that’s why I was so surprised the first time I experienced it because it happened during oral sex with only external clitoral stimulation – I had always read that G-spot stimulation was critical to squirting, and like many women, I actually wondered if I’d peed even though the sensation did not feel at all like peeing. Since then, for me, it happens frequently during oral sex and sometimes during fingering, and even once or twice while receiving anal sex. Once I thought about it, it made sense, really – we’ve talked before about how the clitoris is sort of like a glacier in that only a small bit of it is visible, and it branches off up inside you. (See the picture to the left and this cool 3D vulva website.) So whether you want to call it the inside part of your clit, your G-spot, or your “female prostate,” there’s a lot of potentially very sensitive spots to stimulate that are all related/connected, and it makes sense to me that focusing on different parts in different ways works for different people.
That can make it kind of tough to tell someone how to squirt, though – most of the suggestions I read, like using fingers to make a “come hither” motion to rub the G-spot, give me great orgasms but don’t make me pop my cork, and I’ve never had that “gotta pee” feeling accompany squirting, although many women experience that. Since G-spot stimulation seems to work for many of the women who squirt, it might be good to start there and try stimulating it lots of different ways – fingers (yours or someone else’s), a penis or strap-on, a vibrator (there are many that are designed with G-spot stimulation in mind, and some that are even marketed specifically for squirting), etc. Many women find that adding in some additional stimulation works well, so if penetration isn’t doing it for you, some clitoral stimulation or even a bit of anal play might make a big difference. If that still isn’t doing it, you might try focusing on external clitoral stimulation. For me, the speed, pressure, motion, etc., all make a big difference, so don’t be afraid to mix it up and try all kinds of different movements, either solo or with a partner’s various body parts.
Something that makes a significant difference for me is whether or not I’m relaxed. I’ve talked in past posts about how bashful I get about farting during sex – if I’m feeling gassy and trying to make sure I don’t fart, I almost never squirt. And while I never get the “gotta pee” sensation that many women describe as preceding a fountain, I do feel a sensation of “opening up” as opposed to the way my vaginal muscles clench in really tightly during other orgasms. It’s difficult to describe, but after a while, I was able to recognize it and really relax and give into it, which definitely helps. Some of the guides I’ve read suggest actively bearing down with your muscles and trying to “push” it out, while others caution against doing that, and I think that’s another one of those “different strokes for different folks” kinds of things. Some guides also suggest teasing yourself (or having a partner tease you) and working up to an orgasm very slowly; if you already have orgasms pretty easily, this may or may not make a difference, but at the very least it will make for a fun afternoon of experimenting.
Persephoneers, if you’ve discovered your key(s) to squirting, do you have any advice to offer? And do you have any suggestions for what to call it? (Personally, I’m fine with “squirting,” but we always love hearing new nicknames for fun sexytime things.)
Keep the great questions coming! (Hee.) Got a question to ask, subject you’d like us to discuss, or myth you’d like us to bust? You can e-mail us at FriskyFeminist@persephonemagazine.com or send us an anonymous message via the spiffy new Ask Us! feature here.