Dr. Susan vs. Dr. Laura: My husband’s friend is a sluuuuuut. Do I have to go to the baby shower?

And, here we go again. Brace yourselves, Persephoneers, it’s a doozy.

The following was taken from Dr. Laura’s website. Have any questions you want somebody that isn’t Dr. Laura to answer? Ask me!

The question: “Recently, my husband’s best friend knocked up his ‘shack-up honey’ after dating her for three months. This is his first child, her third and all her kids have different dads. A few people are throwing a baby shower for the girlfriend. I refuse to go and don’t want to even give them a gift since this does not seem like a ‘joyous arrival’ to be celebrating under these circumstances. I am being criticized for my stance from several others and even from my husband. How should I handle their negative remarks? Or am I in the wrong, and I should give a gift at the baby shower?”

Dr. Laura’s advice:

“1. You shouldn’t go.
2. You’re exactly right.
3. One of the reasons this bimbo gets away with cranking out babies with different dads is because everybody’s going, ‘Isn’t this cute? We have to support it’
4. Is this in the best interest of any one of the kids?

Image courtesy cakewrecks.com

I mean, your husband’s best friend isn’t even marrying her, just knocked her up and now they’re having a shower. Like this is a celebration? This hurts children! This destroys children’s lives. So the answer to the question of why you don’t want to celebrate: ‘Because this is the 3rd child with no substantial, committed home around her to embrace her heart.’

And your husband is worrisome. You have him listen to this; you have him watch this:

Dear husband, is it that important to play golf or go drinking and play poker with your buddy that you would uphold and support this total lack of compassion for the needs of children? Is it really? I mean, you’re married, you have a covenant, and you are protecting your wife and kids. If you’ve got a best friend that’s a bum…we are known by our friends.

I’m Dr. Laura Schlessinger, until next time on our YouTube channel, go do the right thing.”

Ooh ooh ooh! For once, Dr. Laura and I are in agreement!

Whatever you do, do not go to the baby shower. Do not interact with the woman, and do not give any sort of dripping-with-judgment gift that she will be obligated to act grateful for. Keep your assholery to yourself, let it settle down around you. Marinate yourself in sanctimony, simmer in it and let any real connections you have with people fall apart until you are left with empty, meaningless friendships based on mutual smugness and feelings of superiority. There is no need to poison others with your unbelievable holier-than-thou bullshit.

Dr. Laura is right, too, when she worries about the damage that this kid faces. She is wrong about the source of of the damage, though. Kids don’t need a certificate between their biological mother and father to protect them from harm. They don’t have to be related by blood to every person in the household. Contrary to the crap that Laura spouts off, living with two parents will not form an impenetrable force field which, on its own, guarantees health and happiness for the offspring.

Kids need love.

This baby’s parents want to celebrate her (Dr. Laura refers to the baby as a girl; I will, as well) life. They are prepared to love her regardless of circumstance, and they are holding a party to shower her with love and support before she has even drawn her first breath. Love is a force field against damage.

Love protects babies from people like you.

You are the damaging influence with your tragically misguided beliefs about right and wrong. You are the threat to the child’s well-being, and you are working as a force of evil in this baby’s life.

Dr. Laura thinks that this “bimbo” “gets away with” “cranking out babies” because people act like it’s cute. Dr. Laura has a child. She has presumably been through a baby shower. A baby shower is an afternoon of fun and gifts, while a child comes with decades of sacrifice and hard work. The “bimbo” in question has two other children, and it is absurd to think that people supporting and loving her children make her hungry for more. My guess is that Dr. Laura wanted to use the word “bimbo” somewhere, and this was as good a place as any. The argument is too ridiculous for her to mean it in seriousness.

By the way, Dr. Laura is emphatically pro-life. Well, that’s how she refers to herself. I would call her emphatically anti-choice. I’m not sure what she expects the woman in this situation to do, now that she’s pregnant, because abortion is not an option that Dr. Laura would consider, and she obviously thinks bringing the baby into the world is a bad idea. This viewpoint is so confusing to me – she considers herself to be “pro-life” but clearly hates this child before she is even born. “This hurts children! This destroys children’s lives.” So the child’s life is destroyed before she has been born, by the fact that her parents have not been together for a long time. And yet every life is sacred, and abortion is always wrong. And yet this particular child’s life is worthless. And yet every life is sacred. Except this one, which should be shamed and bullied.

If you’re going to be pro-life, be pro-life. Be in favor of life, and support life when it exists.

Laura’s last bit of advice, that you should judge your husband based on those he holds dear, is also true to a certain extent. Have him listen to that bit by Dr. Laura, and maybe it will make him think long and hard about whom he associates with. And file for divorce.

Nobody needs this toxicity in their life. Not the unborn child, not your “friend,” not your husband. Not you. What do you gain from smearing your hate and judgments all over everyone who has different circumstances than you? Is the artificial boost of self-esteem from downward social comparison worth the pain you cause others and the alienation you are inviting for yourself? If you think it is, if you aren’t willing to reconsider your completely indefensible and horrible viewpoints, the best thing you can do is follow Dr. Laura’s advice, and just stay away.

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43 Comments Dr. Susan vs. Dr. Laura: My husband’s friend is a sluuuuuut. Do I have to go to the baby shower?

  1. Avatar of staunchlymollystaunchlymolly

    If you’re going to be pro-life, be pro-life. Be in favor of life, and support life when it exists.

    This is so on the nose. Very few of the more vocal “pro-lifers” actually walk the walk.

    What do I have to sign to get Susan a radio show?

  2. Avatar of JuniperJuniper

    Ace article, Susan.

    Strange ladies though, both of them. The woman asking for advice appears to be doing so not for advice on handling remarks but for support of her position – the problem is quite clearly with them, not with her – no one else agrees with her reasoning and she’s wanting to be proved right. Sadly she has been provided with support of the viewpoint and not an education in why she’s being a fuckwit. She’s not even obligated to do anything, she just wants her arrogance validated. Ack. I’m rambling. In short: lovely article and excellent points.

    Also: baby showers. Still so freakin’ weird to me.

    1. Avatar of SusanSusan

      I kind of hated baby showers until I started throwing online versions of them, wherein the point is to get tipsy and play word games and talk about disgusting things that happen in childbirth.  THAT is fun.

      1. Avatar of nonsensikelnonsensikel

        Online baby showers???  I’m definitely intrigued.  Showers have never been my cup of tea.

        Anyway, what a great article!  It has always infuriated me when people who are so adamantly pro-life bitch and moan about woman having babies out of wedlock.  Do they not see the failure in their own logic? Oh wait, obviously these woman shouldn’t be having sex and clearly they should be adopting their babies out so they can be raised in a loving home with married parents.  My bad, how did I forget this?

  3. Avatar of Lady MercuryLady Mercury

    I have a genuine, non-judgemental question – I always assumed the baby shower was to get a few gifts in the way of preparing for the child to come i.e. something you only need to do with your first, because then you don’t need to buy all that stuff again. Is it normal to have a baby shower for every baby you have?

    Your comment about how this Laura person is pro-life and at the same time vehemently anti-having-babies-unless-HER-conditions-met is why I can’t get behind their movement. You can’t have it both ways, some people are going to get pregnant even if they try to prevent it. Gaaaaaaaaaah.

    1. Avatar of SusanSusan

      Yes, and no.  Yes, baby showers are to get shit you don’t have, and a lot of people only have them for their first kid.  Then again, I don’t think it’s rare to have them for second, third, etc. kids – you may need different stuff.  Or, it’s been years between kids.  Or you just want to have a party.  If I have another kid, I think I’ll have another party and ask people to not bring gifts.  Parties are fun.

  4. Avatar of [M] freckle[M] freckle

    Dr. freckle likes to add that this lady is probably  an incredible cheapass and thought of a creative way to not spend money, interest in something other than herself and/or time.

  5. Avatar of haydukehayduke

    Ah, yes. Of course the woman is totally responsible, and the man not in the slightest. I am sure that this cultural presumption has no effect whatsoever on the frequency with which we see such absentee fathers. Nope. None at all. All the blame on the woman.

    And of course, it is a forgone conclusion that there has to be some blame  – we procreate with one person and one person only, folks. If you have a relationship, and it doesn’t work out, you better hope you didn’t have sex with that person have a child with that person, because then you’re damaged and it won’t be all special and shit because apples or duct tape or whatever and saving yourself for marriage if you find The One and then you want to have a child.

    I just. Fuck the original letter writer, fuck “Dr.” Laura, and fuck anybody who is giving the woman herein described any sorta side-eye. Any. “You are the damaging influence with your tragically misguided beliefs about right and wrong.” – spot on, Susan.

  6. Avatar of AlexAlex

    Oh wow. Fuck her with something hard and sandpapery.

    Dear lord, this woman is allowed to speak on the radio? The radio should be civilised! People who phone ex-Monty Python stars saying they fucked his granddaughter should be fired! And then we SHOULD ALL GET BACK TO JUST A MINUTE AND WOMAN’S HOUR.

    I am adjusting my frills and I am not amused.

     

    1. Avatar of JuniperJuniper

      (Sach’s wasn’t a Python …!) Indeed, Jenni Murray and Jane Garvey FTW. Often on in our house. I’d be adjusting my frills with you if I was still in my dress.

  7. Avatar of Nichole WilsonNichole Wilson

    WOW. Just … wow. I thought the “advice” from Dr. Laura was a joke at first. “BIMBO”? “Cranking out babies”? Is she serious? I love how she pretends to care about the “best interest” of any of those children. This is just an excuse for some unmitigated slut-shaming.

    1. Avatar of MorettaMoretta

      Agreed. There is not one iota of caring for those kids in Dr. Laura’s response. In her eyes, it’s all about the dirty, dirty whore who can’t keep her legs shut.

  8. Avatar of Linotte MelodieuseLinotte Melodieuse

    Regardless of the parents’ choices or mistakes, it’s not the baby’s fault.  And I am sick of people seeing the children of unmarried parents as little nothings.  Things happen, life happens.  As long as the parents can co-parent together, the kid will be just fine.

    1. Avatar of KatieKatie

      People rarely blame the FATHER for the issue of single motherhood. Seriously, if they coparent and the guy stays in her life, that’s grand. But a lot of times they just abandon their child. Is that really the mother’s fault?

      Yet we always blame mothers. If the father were around for support, it wouldn’t be so bad, now would it?

      It does take good judgment not to get pregnant by some douche though, but many times, you just don’t know quite how douchey they are until they leave.

      1. Avatar of Linotte MelodieuseLinotte Melodieuse

        Yes, it does take good judgment not to get pregnant by some douche.  And we all know things happen.  But I’m wondering if they even discussed birth control options, since they weren’t dating that long and she already had 2 kids of her own.  If it’s a case of whiny-boy “But I don’t like condoms,” he could very well be a douche.

        1. Avatar of KatieKatie

          Yeah, I don’t really think much of this mother to be honest. Still, there’s no reason to get all judgey against all single mothers. Some of them do have good judgment and aren’t total idiots.

          1. Avatar of Linotte MelodieuseLinotte Melodieuse

            Exactly.  It sounds like the pair are both a train wreck.  But that’s no reason to say that all single mothers are bad.    And it’s no reason for someone to get on their high horse and act all self-righteous.

  9. Avatar of SilverwaneSilverwane

    I want to give this article a round of applause.

    Certainly, living in a home with two parents, one male and one female, who never were divorced and at least hadn’t had sex before marriage (or so they claim…might not have actually been true), didn’t protect me from the systemic emotional abuse that characterized much of my middle to late childhood.

    1. Avatar of Nichole WilsonNichole Wilson

      I’m sorry you had to live through that. I bet Dr. Laura is one of those people who think parents should stay together no matter what, regardless of how toxic an environment they’re creating, “for the chiiiiiiildren.”

  10. Avatar of Sharpest SharkSharpest Shark

    Great response. And what the hell is up with all the recent backlash against single mothers, anyway? Jesus. I think I’ve seen a dozen articles in the last week alone written by people that I normally respect who are now basically dedicating entire articles to ripping single mothers apart, telling them (sometimes passive-aggressively, sometimes disguised under the “think of the children!” tone) that their families are in no way equal to two-parent households, their children will be emotionally damaged, that they are stupid for daring to raise a child without a partner, and that their children will hate them. It hasn’t been this vitriolic in the media for quite some time and it came on so suddenly, it was like a switch being flipped. WTF?

    1. Avatar of haydukehayduke

      Legislation has been proposed in Wisconsin stating that single parents are a cause of child abuse! And no, the fact that these jackasses occasionally use the term “parent” doesn’t disguise the fact that this is definitely the War on Women, version like five bazillion.

          1. Avatar of SusanSusan

            I am seriously sputtering.  So what is the option?  You get pregnant by somebody but it’s not going to work out.  You aren’t allowed an abortion.  You weren’t allowed the birth control to prevent it in the first place.  Your option is to…marry no matter what?  BECAUSE THAT DOESN’T LEAD TO TERRIBLE HOME SITUATIONS.  Oh my god, I can’t even.

  11. Avatar of JamieJamie

    Word.  It feels really terrible and vindictive to punish children for the problems, strained relationships, or social expectations of their parents.

    If you don’t like the parent(s), don’t go to the shower, y’dig?  It’s not rocket science.

    SO petty.  It’s literally beyond words.  It’s like, slow-news-day caliber petty.  How a person could be so utterly consumed with pettiness that he or she would write to media personality for advice about something so childish and none-of-their-business is beyond me.

    Blerg.

    1. Avatar of SusanSusan

      She makes it so easy.  But it really does beg the question – how did she manage to become popular?  People are crappy.

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