Hello, kittens, and welcome back! Here we are at another round of news recap, where I, your dark current events overlord, Kitten McTavish, will be highlighting this week’s highs, lows, and all that fluffy stuff in between. Where will we go from here? Is this where we want to be? Doesn’t matter because the world keeps on spinnin’ and like my dear mother says, “You wake up and there are still gonna be assholes. Don’t worry, there are good folks, too.” Positively crucial! So lets get this gravy train a workin’ and huddle down into the mid-week news.
So there’s this thing called Super Tuesday that’s like the Superbowl-World Series-World Cup of the two party American political system. Just kidding. Sort of. It’s actually when a bunch of states hold primary elections to “select delegates to national conventions at which each party’s presidential candidates are officially nominated.” (wikipedia) So maybe it’s more like the annual swingers party where the best swinging couple is nominated? Either way, the media is talking about it like it’s a fierce battle and one to rule them all. Seriously, this is the worst beauty pageant ever. (Reuters, Wikipedia)
But we have results! And this means things! Exclamation points! (CNN)
America’s favorite fear mongering racist / sexist / all around awful persona and GOP cheerleader, Rush Limbaugh, has been reported to have lost his twenty-sixth advertiser after calling Georgetown student Sandra Fluke a “slut” (among other lovely things) and potentially showing that he has no real idea how birth control works. While we are happy that everyone has finally caught on that Rush has been peddling this two-dollar white supremacy show for years, it’s also refreshing to see that Rush is just being so damn graceful about it. No one puts Baby in a corner! (Politico, NewsOne, Bloomberg News)
Are you a slut? Yes you big ole’ skany skanker skankerton! I bet you do things like have the sex and take the birth control. Satan’s candy! When in doubt, aspirin between the knees. Better yet, take off them shoes, too. And get back in the kitchen, ya slut. (Mother Jones)
The U.S. has feelings about Iran. No, but seriously, who thinks this is even remotely a good idea? Can someone please check Netanyahu and offer him a seat? (Al Jazeera English, The Wall Street Journal, NY Times)
Obama needs the GOP candidates to shut the fuck up about Iran. Seriously guys, stop talking shit. Stopp it. Staaaaaap. (The Washington Post)
Rick Perry – remember that guy? You know, the one who tried to run for president, couldn’t remember three things, and thought it was a good idea to name a ranch after a racial slur? Yeaa, that guy. The good news is he won’t be the next president. The bad news is he is still governor of Texas. See, Perry seems hellbent on taking out the Medicaid Women’s Health Program, which if you can imagine, pissed some folks off. Dear fellas in charge, have we not learned this lesson yet? Don’t fuck with our shit. (Public Points Policy, Planned Parenthood: Don’t Mess With Texas Women)
Girl Scouts. They are gangsters. But you already knew that. Seriously though , who steals from Girls Scouts? (LA Times)
That wraps us up for this mid-week-stravaganza’s worst and best news. Tune in next time for a delicious hapdashery of news that matters, news they want you to think matters, and matters that you think should be news. But for now, it’s all over but the tears.