Kittens and caboodles, welcome back to another round of the mid-week news, where we relish in the current events, cringe at headlines and the state of humanity, and jump all over what’s happening in our dear world like kittens jumping all over a kitten truck that’s just spilled over on Highway One, leaving out a trail of kitten nip as long the eye can see. Let’s get started.
Oh hey y’all, Mitt Romney is popular in the South! So popular, he might win prom king! And NPR thinks theyr’e cute by using y’all! (NPR)
But it doesn’t stop there: it’s a Deep South Showdown! Yankees takin’ on Dixie! Whip out your hot sauce and hush puppies, because we are going to town tonight! Apparently the fractional vote that is supposed to represent these elections as a newsworthy thing that we should be paying attention to, other than, oh I don’t know, the whack shit these candidates keep saying, is something of value. But like my southern mother says, don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining. (BBC News)
The U.S. is just now all of a sudden realizing that being in Afghanistan is probably not the best idea ever and looking for a quick way out. While I’m happy we are having this conversation, it’s a little unfortunate that it comes off the back of the most recent news of the American military member who stalked and killed sixteen Afghanis, including three women and nine children, as well as last month’s news that American troops were burning Korans for disposal. Out. We need to GET OUT. (NY Times)
This just in: white people. We are kinda off our rocker. Thank the stars someone is writing about it. Arthur Goldwag, author of the new book The New Hate: A History of Fear and Loathing on the Populist Right, explores the rise of paranoia in the Populist Right, post-Obama. A refreshing look into the deep freak-outs of those who have always had and what happens when they feel like they might have to share. Consider it a must for the upcoming election year fuckery. (In These Times)
Who doesn’t love a good sugar daddy? Those creamy little candies that melt in your mo… wait, what? Thats a sugar baby? We are talking about Super PACs? And the shady cash flow into campaign contributions for devious causes? This is the worst party ever. (Huffington Post)
Remember when that really awful thing happened in Japan (which one, newsmeister)? The one that was really bad from last year. Well, it looks like it might be washing up on our shores. (NY Times)
Be glad you aren’t in Syria. (CNN)
As if the rape culture in the U.S. wasn’t rage-worthy enough, apparently it’s something we are eager to push on exchange students. How wonderful to come to a new country to study and be met with â€œâ€˜this is American culture,’ and I should get used to it.â€ (MSNBC)
As if the incredibly tragic, racially-based murder of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin wasn’t disgusting enough, it’s now being reported that questionable police conduct in the investigation occurred, including a police captain’s alleged “correction” of one eyewitness’ account. But we’re post-racial! Yes, but you would have to be high to believe that. (ABC)
Um, excuse me? Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer vowed to seek a thorough dismissal of child sex abuse charges against Sandusky after a judge refused to force prosecutors to provide more details on the allegations. Seriously, I have no words for that sort of fuckery. (Reuters)
Oh, apparently people are down with the NYPD violating a ton of people’s rights, because those people happen to be Muslim and this is America and we speak American, not devil Izlaaam like some of the supporters of this nonsense think. Also, not shocking: it’s legal. (Reuters)
So any good news, you Debbie Downer? Well yes. Marilyn Hagerty is officially the coolest person ever and you other food bloggers can take a lesson from her little Olive Garden book. (NPR)
Doth not the bell toll for thee? Does the sun also always rise? These are the questions that churn through our brain juice as we stare blank-eyed and slack-jawed at the news headlines and think, “How did I get here?” So until next time, kiddies, may the bridges you burn light the way, and may the news of the day be the stuff that doesn’t keep you up at night.