The Great Orgasm Challenge: Body Positivity

Well, hello, orgasming Persephoneers! You know, when it comes to sex, there often seems to be an elephant in the room. Unfortunately, sometimes I feel like I am the elephant. Thunder thighs, flabby belly, lumbering around the bed like a great pachyderm. I try for body positivity, but so often, especially when I’m naked, it’s just really, really hard.

Pun intended.

I mean, sure I’m with a very supportive partner who obviously thinks I’m beautiful and sexy and wants to put it in me. And sure, I am a contemporary feminist who reads body-positive blogs and understands that a lot of the reasons I feel like shit about my perfectly average, perfectly functional, perfectly wonderful body is that I’ve absorbed negative messages from a poisonous, patriarchal culture.

I still feel fat when I’m naked and humping, though.

Not all the time. Just some of the time. But this kind of mind poison can really fuck up your sexytimes, you know? I have some of my own tricks for getting my head out of it (asking my partner for explicit compliments, cataloging to myself all the things I do like about my body, treating my body well by eating delicious food and taking hot baths and giving myself pedicures, wearing clothes that feel delicious and fit well, and so forth). But here’s what I want to know:

1: What makes you feel really sexy about your own body?

2: How do you get out of the negative self-hatred head-space once you’ve fallen into it?

3: When was the first time you realized you were really sexy?

And,

4: How’s the orgasm challenge coming along?

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Meghan Young Krogh

Meghan had a number of quality writing mentors over the course of her education, which just goes to show that you can't blame the teacher for the way the student turns out. Team Oxford Comma represent.

11 thoughts on “The Great Orgasm Challenge: Body Positivity”

  1. I’ve been lucky to have dated a guy who seemed to find me sexy no matter what; I think it helped me for moving forward because I am not very sexually experienced, and having relatively good experiences when I’m first venturing into that arena, shall we say, was very beneficial. I don’t struggle with weight issues, but I have a lot of physical problems (joints, knees, back, you name it…) and also major problems with my period, all of which can decrease my self esteem from an internal point of view, in a manner that isn’t obvious to anyone else. Now I’m on my own, and thankfully my emotional and mental state is improving to the point that I managed to enjoy sexy time by myself a couple of times in the past week (as opposed to not at all for the prior couple of weeks).

  2. Thank you for sharing – really admire the way you’re able to speak about these things!

    1: Knowing what I can do. Reminding myself of what I can do, and the enjoyable results I can bring about for Mr. Juniper and I.

    2: I try to acknowledge it, the try and tell it to fuck off. I’ve tried to prioritise things: if I’m at a point of not feeling like my body is great, I try and remind myself what I can do with it. Doesn’t always work by any means. Which is usually when Mr. Juniper takes on the arduous role of, uh, reminding me of how he feels about my body.

    3: First time I had sex. Something clicked (not a euphemism!) and I realised what sexy was.

    4: Alas. I’m without Mr. Juniper until Thursday night. So, could be better.

  3. Strangely, sex is one of the only times I consistently don’t get body conscious.  Especially with sex in a loving relationship.  When we’re all naked and sweaty and close, I just feel so 100% confident that Boyfriend finds me sexy, that I am doing wonderful, attractive, sexy things with my body, that I just don’t get self-conscious.  It’s nice.

  4. I really don’t like the word sexy, so I’ll probably never use it for myself (or people I’m attracted to). I can find myself looking good in soft light and with turning my body slightly and walking around naked through the house post-sex, that’s erm .. sexy. No, kidding, I mean at such points I can experience a satisfaction about my body and how someone else desires it.

  5. 3 – are you telling me that’s going to happen at some point? I mean, I look okay, I’m not ashamed of my body, it feels nice when I’ve freshly showered and shaved my legs, and head to bed for cuddles, etc., but… Idk, I’m a bit lost on this issue. My self-image doesn’t include any sexiness. That’s something some other people can pull off, but it’s not me.

    As for that challenge, if it wasn’t for being sick, I’m sure I’d have finished already. /smug

     

  6. Sometimes it really is so bloody hard, often on those days I just say “I’m not in the mood” and no sex occurs. If the damn elephant turns up during sex, I try and get some sexy talk going, to distract me and often Mr Cesy will say something that makes me feel good.

    Orgasm challenge not going well this week. I’ve been getting over a virus, Mr Cesy is away. May be time to fly solo this week!

  7. Something that actually makes me feel incredibly sexy is wearing an article of clothing that meets two criteria: 1) It is something I would normally consider wearing in non-sexy time situations (i.e. for me, not lingere), and 2) it is something that Mr. Silverwane finds incredibly sexy

    I think the thing that I love about it is, since it’s something I normally wear, I don’t feel like I’m posing for him. Not to say that doing so would be bad (no judging/slut-shaming from me!), but for some reason I’m personally uncomfortable doing it. But, since it might be, say, a certain shirt or a camisole, I might wear that on an everyday basis.

    And since he finds that thing sexy, something I would normally wear, it in turn makes me feel sexy, because he is all over something that is essentially me.

    When I find myself in that negative head-space, I usually just mention it to him. And he reaffirms that he finds me attractive and whatnot. For some reason, hearing him say it helps me strengthen the idea within myself. It helps me say, “Screw you, societal norms, I don’t look like those women on the magazines, but I have a loving partner who totally finds me hot anwyay!

    I don’t know if any of these sort of things work for everyone; they might be pretty particular to my personal quirks/insecurities.

    1. I feel the exact same way. I’m currently at my heaviest I’ve ever been (oh depression, you toy with me so) and I’m still pretty uncomfortable with this new-ish body. But my boyfriend, bless his soul (is there an atheist equivalent of this? I think I need to find one since I use this phrase all the time), is a constant and wonderful source of sexy reminders. He’s great at just randomly giving me compliments and just saying that I am beautiful no matter what size I am. When I tell him that I’m thinking about trying to lose weight, he says that he’ll support me if I want to do it, but that he’s happy with me just the way I am.

      Finding friends and other people who will happily compliment you can do wonders for self-esteem I think. I know it’s supposed to come from within, but sometimes you need an outside opinion to help you along towards self-sexiness. This is why I try to give compliments to friends and acquaintances as often as I think them, even if they aren’t appearance related. The world needs more compliments, damnit!

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