grandma

Linotte Reads “Fifty Shades of Grey”: Chapter Fifteen

Oh, it’s Tuesday again! Memories of the weekend are fading and there’s far too much time for work, work, work, and never getting your dress done (as was said in Disney’s Cinderella). Unfortunately, just so your hopes don’t get dashed, Fifty Shades of Grey is far from Disney. So stop weeping, dry your eyes, and get set for Chapter Fifteen and the lovely thoughts about it contained herein.

His long index finger absently traces the writing. ‘I thought I was D’Urberville, not Angel. You decided on the debasement.’ He gives me a brief wolfish smile. ‘Trust you to find something that resonates so appropriately.’

No, Christian, I think you’re more like this guy.

Spencer Tracy as Mr. Hyde.

How can I not think? You can pretend to be a car, like his other possessions, my subconscious makes an unwelcome vitriolic return. I ignore her. Oh, can’t we rewind?

Oh, can’t you just break up with him already?

‘I bought these for you,’ he says quietly, his gaze impassive. ‘I’ll go easier on you if you accept them.’
I swallow convulsively.
‘Christian, I can’t accept them, they’re just too much.’
‘You see, this is what I was talking about, you defying me. I want you to have them, and that’s the end of the discussion. It’s very simple. You don’t have to think about this. As a submissive you would just be grateful for them. You just accept what I buy you because it pleases me for you to do so.’

Here’s an idea: Auction them off and keep the money. He doesn’t need to know. After all, three editions of the same book? And it’s in English, so it’s not like the translations are different. TURN THEM IN FOR DOLLARZ!

‘I will buy you lots of things, Anastasia. Get used to it. I can afford it. I’m a very wealthy man.’ He leans down and plants a swift, chaste kiss on my lips. ‘Please.’ He releases me.
“˜Ho,’ my subconscious mouths at me.
‘It makes me feel cheap,’ I murmur.

Hey, there are advantages to being a ho. Just ask Gigi’s grandma!

I take another sip. Wow, he has a memory for detail. Hmm”¦ this champagne really is very good. ‘Did you try the wine at the reception?’
Christian makes a face.
‘Yes. It was foul.’
‘I thought of you when I tasted it. How did you get to be so knowledgeable about wine?’
‘I’m not knowledgeable, Anastasia, I just know what I like.’

Really he read this and now he thinks he’s Mr. Know-It-All about wine.

 

‘Next time you roll your eyes at me, I will take you across my knee.’
What?!
‘Oh,’ I breathe, and I can see the excitement in his eyes.
‘Oh,’ he responds, mirroring my tone. ‘So it begins, Anastasia.’
My heart slams against my chest, and the butterflies escape from my stomach into my constricting throat. Why is that hot?

Um, why is that not hot coming from him?

‘I’ll agree to the fisting, but I’d really like to claim your ass, Anastasia. But we’ll wait for that. Besides, it’s not something we can dive into,’ he smirks at me. ‘Your ass will need training.’

Why is this creepy coming from him, too? “Your ass will need training?” What kind of line is that? It’s like he’s forcing the things he likes on her.

‘Okay”¦ swallowing semen. Well, you get an A in that.’
I flush, and my inner goddess smacks her lips together glowing with pride.

Why is her inner goddess so eager to swallow his semen again like it’s yummy? Does it taste like marshmallows or Nutella or something? Please enlighten me.

Oh the possibilities”¦ my inner goddess roars, and from somewhere born of frustration, need, and sheer Steele bravery, I push him on to the bed. He laughs as he falls, and I gaze down at him feeling victorious.

Ana’s inner goddess at this moment.

‘That’s right, baby, feel me, all of me,’ he growls and briefly closes his eyes.

WHY DOES HE KEEP CALLING HER BABY? DOESN’T HE KNOW THAT THERE ARE OTHER ENDEARMENTS ASIDE FROM BABY?

I am in charge. He’s mine, and I’m his. The thought pushes me, weighted with concrete, over the edge”¦

Like this? Does this mean this is the end of the book?

And that’s a wrap for today, all! Stay tuned for the Chapter Sixteen recap coming out tomorrow!

Ed. Note: Due to the fact that this is a terrible book, we simply couldn’t keep the chapters straight and published Linotte’s coverage of Chapter 16 yesterday and Chapter 15 today. Our apologies. Ana’s inner goddess is very upset.

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