Oh, the Nice Guyâ„¢. You know the type. “Why do women always go for the jerks, why don’t they go for Nice Guys like meeeee?” The Nice Guy syndrome is problematic in and of itself (like people should be rewarded for their kindness with sex), but this crapdate takes it to the next level.
The Nice Guy Syndrome was taken down beautifully over at Shakesville, so I’m not going to go into the details of what makes this line of thinking so terribly wrong (read it if you have a few minutes, though, it’s quite good). This crapdate varies slightly, though, in its awfulness. The message the Nice Guyâ„¢ is trying to say with this crapdate is “I’m the kind of guy who can treat you right. Date me!” What the Nice Guyâ„¢ is actually saying is that Black men are thugs, that Black men are players, and White and Asian guys are nerdy and treat women right. Oh, and women are too dumb to know that.
I would like to send a message out to the Nice Guysâ„¢ of the world:
Dear Nice Guyâ„¢:
You aren’t having success in the dating world for many, many reasons, but it’s not because women are stupid and can’t be trusted to make their own decisions. It’s because attraction isn’t always based on whichever person has the softest shoulders to cry on. Even more, it’s because you have an ulterior motive for having soft shoulders, which is the opposite of nice, and which leads to terrible relationships. And women know that.
But really truly, it’s because when people around you start pairing up, you are so convinced of your own (false) niceness that you can’t imagine any legitimate reasons for other people to be in relationships that don’t include you. If a woman is with a Black man, it must be because women are stupid, because (duh), Black men are criminals and gangsters. And thus it is her own fault for being sad in the end, because she should have known that the only people worth dating are nerdy White and Asian guys.
When you think of the word “asshole,” the picture you come up with is a bunch of young Black men. When you think of the phrase “worthy of dating,” the archetype in your head is a White guy in glasses. But you aren’t racist! Oh no, because you include a disappointed Asian man on your side of the equation. And, of course, a satisfied Black man who has happily crushed the young woman’s heart.
You might say that this is just “one example” of a guy being an asshole, but as far as I can tell, the only reason the asshole picture supposedly portrays assholery is because of skin color. And Jackie Chan is disappointed because he’s a nerd, right? But he’s only a nerd because he is Asian. These pictures – they aren’t a part of the crapdate on accident. Race hammers your point home, reminds us all that not only are you White, but your genetic line in and of itself makes you superior.
The worst part about this is that after you post this crapdate, and continue to not get the girl, you will then find validation in your theory, when shit like this is a major part of the reason you aren’t succeeding in romantic relationships.
Women in your life aren’t interested in dating you because they aren’t looking to purchase your kindness with sex. And because you are so frightened of seeing individuals for who they are that you trot out dangerous stereotypes to inflate your own sense of worth. It’s stupid. And not nice. And stupid.