News Appetizers: Less Toothpick, More Meat

Good afternoon, kittens! Welcome to the news! From sitting at Brad Pitt’s dinner table to really old elephants, we’ve got everything you need to sound smart at this weekend’s dinner party.

NYC is rationg gas. My uncle, however, never rations gas at Thanksgiving dinner. NYTimes

Jared L. Loughner, who shot Congress Woman Gabrielle Giffords, got life in prison, escaping the death penalty. Obligatory mention of her astronaut husband. NYTimes

Brad Pitt is designing his own furniture. In other news, Brad Pitt is turning into Ted Mosby. NYTimes

McDonald’s monthly sales fell for the first time in nine years. That’s not because we’re eating better. It’s because Chipotle is more delicious. LATimes

Some dude fired 22 people. For America! Fuck yeah! Wonkette

Chinese leaders are transitioning power. Same old leaders, same old system, same old iPhone. NPR

A very well preserved wooly mammoth has been uncovered in France. Did I mentioned I wanted to be a paleontologist as a kid? Salon

Want to know why Romney lost? Blame Faux News. Slate

Iran fired on one of our drones! Get ready for some passive-aggressive speeches. Huffington Post

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[E] Sally Lawton

My food groups are cheese, bacon, and hot tea. I like studying cities and playing with my cat, Buffy.

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