No matter what the guide says, this episode will forever be dubbed “Snake in the Face,” because y’all? The dude got a Snake In His Face. I’m still screaming about it while I write this.
All right, lemme back up. This episode opens with Boyd turning on the charm to find out what it is Cassie wants in order to pack up the revival tent and get herself and Preacher Billy gone. And by “turn on the charm,” I mean Boyd was soft-spoken, malevolent and dangerous, and yes, it was a beautiful thing to behold. Props to Cassie, though; she’s obviously got a set of big brass ones of her own because not only is she not scared of Boyd, she tries to get even more money out of him. Boyd, however, does not get shaken down and sends muscle out, in the form of Colton and Jimmy, to reinforce his move-along request.
When the two men enter the tent, they discover that Cassie (obviously one step ahead of Boyd) has released all of the snakes. Jimmy takes a couple of strikes to his boots, panics and ends up on the floor, which is not a place you want to be when it’s covered with poisonous snakes! Sure enough, one lunges for his face. Jimmy picks up a shotgun and blows the snake in half but the end with the teeth is STILL IN HIS FACE!! Any screaming you heard Tuesday night was coming from Tennessee because I was crawling up the back of my sofa as if those damn snakes were on my floor!
Colton hurries Jimmy back to Boyd WITH THE SNAKE STILL ON HIS FACE! Unable to find Johnny, they steal some poor doctor from the closest free clinic, who RIPS THE SNAKE OUT OF JIMMY’S FACE! Pardon the excessive use of capslock but THERE WAS A SNAKE ATTACHED TO THE DUDE’S FACE!
One useful bit of news that comes out of the doctor’s less-than-gentle bedside manner is that the snakes have been milked of their venom. Boyd now knows the trick to Preacher Billy’s snake handling sermons and pays another visit to the revival tent, this time with a freshly caught rattlesnake. It turns out the people in the congregation aren’t the only ones being duped – Billy doesn’t know what Cassie has been doing to keep him safe, either.
So what does the boy do? You know what he does – he picks up the snake. Despite Boyd practically pleading with him not to (and yes, for Boyd that was pleading), Billy is a true believer. The snake, though, is just a snake and does what snakes do.
Billy dies. Cassie cries. Boyd walks out. But since this is Justified, I’m guessing that will not be the end of that story.
Although we’re three episodes in, we’ve had no Boyd and Raylan goodness, but that doesn’t mean Raylan isn’t keeping busy. First of all, Lindsay has some “˜splaining to do. Turns out the husband who showed up last week is an “ex” husband. Also turns out he’s been in jail for beating the crap out of one of the guys he and Lindsay were scamming and robbing. Lindsay has been a bad, bad girl, but she promises Raylan she’s reformed so, after giving her a spanking (in my imagination spanking was definitely involved – hubba hubba), Raylan finds Randall (the ex) and gives him a Givens Ultimatum: get out of town by 6:00 p.m. or I’ll send you home in a box or in cuffs.
While he’s waiting out the time for Randall’s departure, Raylan does some actual U.S. Marshal work. He and Tim pay a visit to Drew Thompson’s widow – Drew Thompson is the dead parachutist from 30 years ago, except that the dead guy was actually Waldo Truth and no one knows where Drew Thompson is (I know, it’s hard to keep up). Eve, the widow, is a kind of a psychic, but apparently not a very good one since she doesn’t see that she’s about to be in a shitload of trouble. While she’s explaining to Raylan and Tim that Drew Thompson saw Theo Tonin (remember him from last season?) murder a confidential informant (hence Drew’s desire to drop off the grid), a crooked FBI agent and a Tonin henchmen also show up at her house. Eve tries to escape out a bathroom window while the Marshals handle the FBI, but she gets caught by the henchman. Now Raylan has to save her from what is sure to be a slow, painful death, which they manage to do after the crooked FBI agent reveals where she’s being hidden and tortured before shooting himself in the head.
Yes, this is all one episode, folks, and we’re not done yet.
Raylan’s High Noon shoot-out with Randall doesn’t happen because Randall cleaned out his locker and left town, as ordered. I was a bit disappointed, too, until we found out that Randall took Lindsay with him and Lindsay took all of Raylan’s dirty bounty money with her. Ouch. Raylan has shit luck in women, doesn’t he?
Oh, and remember when Boyd couldn’t find Johnny to help with Jimmy WHO HAD A SNAKE IN HIS FACE? Turns out Johnny was otherwise occupied meeting with Wynn Duffy and his eyebrows, offering to kill Boyd Crowder.
For what it’s worth, my money is on Boyd.
And I quote: “He does something stupid every day. Can you be more specific?”