“Vanderpump Rules” Does Not, In Fact, Rule

My guilty pleasure is watching the Real Housewives franchise, which is why I made sure to tune into the newest Bravo reality show, Vanderpump Rules. A spin-off of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, it follows the lives of the young staff at SUR, a restaurant owned by housewife Lisa Vanderpump. 

I love Lisa for myriad of reasons, including, but not limited to, her adoration of the color pink, her awesome house, her tiny dog who always wears sweaters, her sweet husband, and her willingness to defend her friends. I wanted to see what she was like as a businessperson, and of course I was interested in the drama. Would it be as convoluted as it is on RHOBH?

It wasn’t, and not in a good way. The drama that unfolded over the course of an hour was so juvenile that I was having flashbacks to seventh grade. This is never a good thing! When you make the Housewives look like model citizens who respect one another and have kind, gentle souls, you are doing something very wrong.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. Vanderpump Rules features aspiring actors, models, singers, etc. who are all in their twenties. They have all dated each other, slept with each other, lived with each other, and done God knows what else with each other. One of the guys tried to explain how intertwined they all are, and although I have a master’s degree and like to think I am intelligent, I just could not follow.

Of course, the women come across as catty and vindictive. Stassi has decided that she doesn’t like Scheana because she had an affair with Eddie Cibrian (if you watch RHOBH or read Us Weekly, you already knew that). So, she makes Scheana’s life miserable and then gets mad at the guys who defend her.  She raves about the people she has run out of other workplaces, and likes to remind her boyfriend that, “I am the devil, and don’t you forget it!” Another one likes to talk about how beautiful they all are and how jealous us mere mortals are, and it’s just so hard to wear their size two uniforms! Ugh.

There was hardly any Lisa during the first episode, and I didn’t watch the second so I don’t know if she had more of a presence later on. Seeing the people she hired made me wonder about Lisa, and I just can’t get over the weird feeling I had while watching the show. The arguments were all so pointless, so childish, and so petty, it made the idiotic fights on other reality shows seem Shakespearean. In an attempt to create a young and hip show, everyone came across as self-absorbed and delusional.

Obviously this show left a bad taste in my mouth. I don’t think I can genuinely describe how dumb it is, and it pains me to say that about anything involving my beloved Lisa Vanderpump. A friend of mine wants a big group of us to go to her other restaurant, Villa Blanca, and at first I thought it would be a riot. Now, the thought of any of these people being in close proximity to me is absolutely terrifying.

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Catherine

Catherine is a Southern California based freelance writer, whose work has appeared in everything from the New York Times to Entertainment Weekly. The highlight of her life (so far) was being featured on MSNBC for a story she wrote on Hello Kitty wines...she knew one day her love of all things HK would come in handy.

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