That’s it. It’s gone too far. I just cannot even imagine how someone thought this was a good idea. I don’t know how it became a lucrative business opportunity. Oh, wait, yes I do. In this world we live in, we must do everything in real time. We must invite everyone into every corner of our lives. We must broadcast to the world our every thought and every important moment.
In short, we must have sonogram parties so that everyone can stare at our unborn children while eating snacks.
I wish I were joking. I do. I know that I’m a little bit cynical and slightly pessimistic and maybe somewhat hateful towards the twee in life, but why in God’s name would you invite someone to view your baby in utero? You used to get the sonogram picture, or even the 3-D video, and pass it around at Christmas. Relatives would ooh and aah and then you would hang the picture on your fridge and wait for another five months until the real thing popped out of you in screaming, bloody glory.
And EVERYONE WAS COOL WITH THAT. Do you know why? Because everyone else is already bored with your baby.
Before you jump down my throat, let me explain. I care about you. You are, presumably, a close friend or family member of mine. I am excited about this new step in your life. I want everything to go off without a hitch. I want to put your baby in a hilarious onesie and eventually teach that kid horrible things that he should never say which you will then have to train out of him. (I will never, however, admit to doing this.)
But the thought of being invited to a sonogram party? Makes me roll my eyes. You are being taken. Why are you paying some company, which is not even a medical facility, 300 plus dollars just to have a womb party? Because that’s what this is. It’s real time Facebook. It’s this weird need we have for everyone to be looking at us all the time, as if our every move is golden. You are having a baby. You are probably not having the Messiah.
And that’s just one reason it’s a bad idea. Another reason? Sure, maybe your last sonogram went off without a hitch and so you plan this party. What if something goes horribly wrong in that week and a half. What if there’s no heartbeat? That is going to be a horrible moment shared by all who love you, you’re going to panic, and oh yeah. You’re NOT IN A HOSPITAL. You have to leave and be rushed INTO A HOSPITAL. And I don’t care how “professional” these pop-up sonogram places are. If something goes wrong, they’re going to have an awfully hard time hiding it. And that is going to ruin your cocktail party/gender reveal.
I know. I’m being terribly harsh. I’m being horribly mean. You can’t believe we were ever friends. But honey? This is tough love. Your pregnancy, however exciting, should not be the equivalent of a link to a video in a tweet that I feel like I have to watch because we’re friends. How about we make a deal? Just don’t invite me. Unless the snacks are really, really good.
(Image courtesy Hillary)