Toys, Toys, Toys: We Want Toys

[NSFW pictures after the cut] Children, one of the best things about writing a sex column is the perks. I don’t mean to humblebrag, but I get to write about historical vibrators, squirting, anal and not anal, and sex toys. It’s a tough job, but somebody has to do it.

Sex toys is one of my favorite topics. We here have talk about sex toys often, whether it is me recommending that you give one a try,  the long-term care of your precious pieces, or tapping your creative bubble to make your own (stick with this article, kid, and you might not have to). Sex toys ain’t just recently hopping on into modern culture like Mr. Scalia believes “the gays” (â„¢) did (just kidding, he doesn’t think that. But he does think this!) .Their expanse through history is much deeper than one would ever expect, ranging from upper-paleolithic dildos nearly 30,000 years old, to the “medical treatments” of a little thing called the vibrator . Once a taboo topic, we can thank the good folks of the ’60s and ’70s for bringing out  movements and conversations on sexuality and defying sex beyond pro-creation and “woman” and “man,” to the first inklings of culture becoming savvy of sex toys again. Hop to the ’90s, when adult toy companies, having been sued into making not so great toys, began revamping their materials and reputation of sex toys. Today, most folks if not own a sex toy, can at least talk to you about a sex toy, and whether it’s because you saw that one Sex and The City episode,  or you have strolled through your local toy shop, the sex toy is becoming more of a mainstream “okay,”  which, hell, if society were more okay with masturbation and sexual pleasure, maybe we won’t be so uptight and saying things like Mr. Scalia.

Now, I think everyone should own at least one nice little  toy – and we might be helping you with that, but we will get there in a moment. I’d like to highlight my top favorite toys for girls, boys, or whoever you are because fuck gender binaries! These are the toys that offer a space for both beginners and old-timers, pleasurable objects that are here for your needs.

Vibrator with a clitoral stimulator
Image copyright the Adult Toy Shop

The Rabbit: I swear by the Rabbit brand like some folks swear by certain types of flour. This model is known as the Bending Bubbly Bunny, a nice in-between piece for both those dipping their feet into the pool, and those who have been practicing for a while. I find that these style of rabbits are a bit softer than some of the waterproof models, as well as easier to clean. It also has a champagne vibrator, so you know.

The Rabbit is probably the best known vibrator brand (again, thank Sex in The City for sending hordes of bachelorette parties to your local store). The Rabbit’s whole idea was to modernize the vibrator, and creating a cute, if not incredibly successful clitoral stimulator that looked like bunny ears, as well as a dual action vibe.  The originalRrabbit was known quite literally as “The Original Jack Rabbit,” and  was designed and manufactured by California Exotic Novelties.

Curved vibrator
Image copyright The Adult Toy Shop

G-Spot Action: Remember how some scientist were all like, “There’s no such thing as a G-spot! Science!” Okay, well not only did they need to let Sara Gilbert get on that, we will casually ignore that sort of science for now and recommend  The G-Spot Arouser. This puppy is special, because not only does it curve back to hit the intended G-spot, it has just the tiniest little vibe in the front for clitoral stimulation. This is good for folks out there who have trouble with or aren’t loving penetration, as the shaft is thin and short enough to stimulate near the lower wall of the vagina, yet not “take up” all the room.

So, you know this famed squirting that we talk about a lot here, right? The power to squirt mainly comes from your G-spot. Not too long ago, a study referred to as the “The role of the Grafenberg Spot and female gushing in the female orgasmic response: an empirical analysis” (charming name), published in J Sex Marital Ther 15  (Davidson JK, Darling CA, Conway-Welch, C -Summer 1989) reported that when ladies ejaculate or squirt, there was no evidence of any urological problems, which many folks confuse when they do squirt or when they stimulate the G-spot and it feels like having to go to the bathroom. The study suggested that female ejaculation and coital incontinence are two distinct physiological events, although the similarity is not always distinguishable in a particular individual’s mind, depending on experience with squirting and ejaculation, and that G-spot stimulation is in fact, real.

Sleeve for masturbation that has a female figure embracing it
Image copyright The Adult Toy Shop

But What About The Men: Yes, yes gentlemen, I have not forgotten you, here on this predominantly women’s publication. Welcome into your life the Wrap Around Sleeve, aka, in layman’s terms, the pocket pussy. Personally, I picked this number because the little lady hanging out on top is actually quite nicely paired with the coloring, and dare I say, looks a little bit more like art than pocket pussy? Not that I have any issues with the pocket pussy, only that they are clearly not targeted at me for my masturbation needs, therefore, I get to highlight the one I think is pretty. Anyway, the wrap-around sleeve offers enough pressure and “feel” for the gents out there.

Which brings me to this point: if we as a society are going to be down with the acceptance of vibrators, we should give the masturbation sleeve just as much credence. I can’t tell you how many times I have been in a  sex toy shop and heard someone yammer on about vibrators for half and hour, and then pick up a pocket pussy like it was kryptonite and exclaim “ewwwwwwww.” Yes loves, I know the pocket pussy can look weird because it is a a little silicone vagina, but let’s give the same love and acceptance to male masturbation aides as we do vibes, shall we?

String of blue anal beads
Copyright the Adult Toy Shop

Anal Beads: These baby blue cuties are known as Colored Anal Beads – now available in pink, blue, and purple. I like these because the balls range in size, and if you are new to putting toys in your butt, it’s a great place to start, as opposed to some of the more intimidating butt plugs out there. Thirteen inches and balls that go up in 3/8 sections, it’s my recommended way to begin anal play.

So, my top tips about anal play? 1. Flared base : this shall save in the, let’s call it, awkward recovery department if that trip had to be made.Your ass, you may have noticed, has that involuntary muscle contraction I like to coin as “gulping”, meaning, when your sphincter tightens, it’s easy for something to get swallowed up in there. A flared base will make sure to keep your toy at surface level and save on any awkward conversations. 2. Lube: lots of it. Your anal cavity doesn’t really produce lubrication like a vagina does and the more lube, the less likely you are to experience discomfort, tearing, and bleeding. I swear by water-based lubes for most sex activities, but with your butt, you actually want to work with more silicone-based lubes, since water-based lubes tend to absorb into your body. If you don’t have a silicone-based lube, it just means you will be re-applying your water-based lube often during sex. Final note! Make sure your lubes match up with your toys-and if you aren’t sure, check out this primer.

Female mannequin with a large dildo strapped on.
Image copyright The Adult Shop

Double your pleasure: Last but not least, I’d like to highlight the strap-on. Cast-typed as the sex toy for lesbian couples everywhere, I’d like to suggest that the strap on is actually a pretty universal toy, whether you are in said vagina-based relationship, or if you are into pegging. Yes, pegging, AKA hitting your guy in the ass. The strap-on can be intimidating, but the Betty’s vibrating tends to be on the lighter side of things, for parties of all genders.

Now, here is the fun part. Care to take home one of these lovely little toys? Well aren’t you lucky that you scrolled down to read the entire article.


GIVEAWAY

We are giving away a $25 gift code to The Adult Toy Shop for one lucky reader! All you need to do is follow the directions in the Rafflecopter and you will be entered to win!

Rafflecopter giveaway

Published by

TheLadyMiss

She writes

11 thoughts on “Toys, Toys, Toys: We Want Toys”

  1. I have purchased 4 vibrators, of which two were really good. The Swan Princess by Swan, or in America I believe it’s called Lelo, and a creepy looking cheap rabbit I bought for €15,-, that could only have 1 strenght of vibrating… and that was wonderfully strong.
    The first one I bought roughly 8 months ago. Wonderful profile – it is really in the shape of your vagina so it fits well (which of course depends on your vag) and it has two power bullets. It is also rechargable, which is great! It looks beautiful and elegant and non-threatening. But… I wouldn’t suggest that you should buy this as your first vibrator. I recommand starting with something cheap, and see whether or not you like it. That’s how I ”evolved” to get this vibrator – it took some vibrators to figure out what I wanted. Also – because it’s a great quality product, it is expensive (but absolutely worth it).

    The other ones – a basic Durex one, and a Doc Johnson g-spot vibrator, are terrible. The first one has a very smooth surface and a straight profile, and the second one is a bit too large and I still haven’t figured out how it works (and that was my 3rd vib!). I was especially disappointed in the Doc Johnson one because I thought I would have a massive O with it, but it feels uncomfortable…

  2. Ah. No. Recommending rubber sex toys? Why? WHY! And California Exotic Novelties has been nothing but cheap rubbish any time I’ve ever bought something from them.

    And why on earth would you recommend that cheapo sleeve over the much less creepy/much nicer Fleshlights?!

    I don’t get it. I know you explained your choices, but they are just so out of touch with my experiences and the sex toy reviewers I follow. There’s no mention of any reputable manufacturers at all. No Lelo? No Fun Factory? No Vixen or Nobessence or Njoy or Tantus or Crystal Delights!? I’m shocked!

    Maybe I’m just as sex toy snob? Maybe it’s the website sponsoring this and their terrible selection?

    I mean, the article isn’t all bad. It covers the very, very basics pretty well. But neglecting to talk about body safe materials is just bizarre.

    /grump

    1. maybe because it’s a personalized article where i state that these are some of “my top favorite toys”, not “corinadee’s favorite sex toys”. if you have read other pieces of mine, you know i talk about cheap materials used in sex toys and my feelings/thoughts on them, which, are complicated,considering i used both toys that are not so great and toys that are better quality safety-wise. but also, yes, you may just be a sex toy snob. just like i am a snob about my sex toy choices. you can always do a top five of your favorites in your sex column if you want to highlight some of the ones you pointed out, especially since mine seem to be “out of touch”.

      1. I just found your choices really surprising. If sex toys are one of your favourite topics, it strikes me as really odd to not included any reputable companies or high calibre sex toys. I’m not claiming that every single person has the same tastes, but I can’t wrap my head about those choices unless it was the severe restrictions placed on you by the website.

        If this was an opinion piece, I would have expected to hear a little about your experiences with each of the toys. But there wasn’t any of that. It sounded more like the copy written to sell the toys. Like you hadn’t actually tried the exact model/brand of the toys you were recommending.

        And even if you have included bits about body safe materials in previous articles, if this is the first article a person reads about sex toys and you are giving recommendations of toys that use relatively unsafe materials, I think you need to bring it up. At the very least mention using a condom over porous toys! I mean, I love using the Wahl, but it has phthalates and I would never recommend it without first telling people about that risk (and how to avoid it).

        I clearly touched a nerve, but your article touched one of mine as well.. I’ve been sold too many sex toys based on biased and bad reviews. I don’t want people to suffer buying cheap toys that break in a few months or to have their bits sent up in a flame from a disgusting smelly rubber toy.

        1. Yes, you clearly touched a nerve because your first response was rude and smug, and rooted specifically in what “you” want or what “you” would have done. Seriously, look at the language of your first comment, and reread the way you responded. And yes, this is a biased review-I have biases. Just like you seem to have a bias that “touched a nerve”. I actually mention my bias most of the reviews of the products that “i personally like this one because”- are you looking for me to document every move of that experience, because if so, then you are saying thats how I should structure my article. I’m sorry about your experience being sold bad sex toys, but I’m not actually trying to even sell you anything here. I profiled 5 sex toys- most of which I have used, save the fucking pocket pussy, and then we are giving away something. If these sex toys don’t work for you, then don’t use them-it seems like you are more upset that this article was not written around your exact needs, as opposed to a general review on products. If you have found a sex toy that works for you and your specific needs, good for you.

          Again, I have written on phthalates in toys in MULTIPLE pieces in this column (as well as outside this column) and I have stated my concerns for those materials, yet have openly stated the fact that I still use toys with them, sans condom. This I know, does not work for everyone. The biggest piece of criticism I can actually take away from your whole righteously induced commentary, is that I should at least have mentioned that these toys have phthalates in them, and then referenced an article of mine I have done on that. However, if i didn’t feel comfortable staking my professional reputation on writing a review for these, I wouldn’t have done it. But I also mention that these are “my personal choices”. I don’t know much more obvious I need to be with my language to fit what you think is an opinion piece. If my peddly little column just doesn’t match up to the great reviewers you read on a regular basis, don’t read it. I’m proud of the work I do here, even if it means entertaining comments that while may have valid points, are cloaked in a hideous amount of “what you would have done”, yet didn’t.

          1. This is going nowhere fast.

            Was I too harsh? Yes. Could I have phrased things better? Yes. But I feel strongly about educating people about sex toys and I feel equally strongly that you wrote an unbalanced article highlighting some of the cheapest toys around. And yes, I am saying you structured your article poorly by phrasing everything so impersonally. And yes, I am saying that your choices are crap. Perhaps it is time you seek out sex toys that are actually considered good by the sex toy reviewing community and you can see what I can only assume you’ve been missing. I doubt that my recommendation will sink in though, since I’ve been awfully grouchy about this whole thing.

            If you honestly feel comfortable advertising cheap, harmful toys from awful companies such as California Exotics, then I will take you up on your suggestion to no longer read your articles (though, to be fair, I barely read them to begin with, so it won’t be a tremendous loss). We clearly don’t see eye to eye on which toys are worth talking about and I wouldn’t trust your opinions on other sex related topics.

            I’m sure in the eyes of most, your reputation will remain untarnished. So my criticism, though veiled in a “better than thou” attitude, comes at no cost to you. You lost only one reader. S’no big deal.

Leave a Reply