My first two pregnancies were wonderful. Well, maybe not wonderful. In fact, they were really tough. But I think I looked at life back then through rose-colored glasses. I went through everything for the sake of my children–thus it was worth it. For some reason, this time, those glasses have slipped off.
I see every change and step of this pregnancy for what it is: difficult. Maybe it is my age. Maybe it is the fact that we struggled so long to get pregnant that I felt I could handle anything to have my children. And I have amazing children! This pregnancy came as a surprise. I remember thinking, “Huh, I think I am pregnant.” And I was.
I may not be overjoyed with this one, just now, because of the miscarriage I had back in August. They say your pregnancy is “safe” after 12 weeks, and I am only 11 weeks, technically still in the “danger zone.” I haven’t bought anything yet, other than clothes for me. I am waiting. That is not fair to this baby, but that is where I am emotionally. I have to wait–although I did pick out the diaper bag I want.
The other part of my realistic view could be that this will be our third child. That is more than the American family average of two–the ideal family size according to the Gallup poll. You know the joke: when you are first married, people ask when will you have kids. When you have one child they ask when you will have another, when you have a third, they ask you if you are done. Yes! I am done. Thanks for asking. I will be one of 17% having a third child.
I also worry about the transition from two children to three. I have always heard going from two to three is the hardest, and after three everything is easy. Uh–it took a year to figure out routines and life after the second child. Friends tell me that one to two is the toughest. So I don’t know, again I wait.
How do you view your pregnancy? What worries or thoughts do you have?