It seems to me that nowadays, the idea of self-love has become a trend. As far as I can remember, I’ve always seen my aunt read about it in magazines, but I feel as though in today’s society it is more of a grossing business and less of a personal and spiritual matter.
Why is it that magazines or blogs claim to have the easiest guides to self-love and thus, happiness? It makes me uncomfortable and doubtful to see someone else claiming to be able to get me to love myself with â€œeasy, simple steps.â€
Love is a feeling. Something we are always told we â€œjust knowâ€ when we are feeling it. How do we know? â€œBecause it just feelsâ€¦ right.â€ If these sound like a bunch of clichÃ©s to you, it’s probably because they are. Love is a feeling which will make you seek commitment – whether it be for a person, a country, a good wine, etc. As much as no one can tell you how to or not to love someone or something, no one should claim they can tell you how to or not to love yourself. I am a firm believer that love is something you can’t teach, but only feel. I am also a firm believer that love comes after acceptance.
If you’re able to list all the flaws and qualities of a country and still claim you love it, then you have accepted this country as it is, as a whole despite its past. It works the same when it comes to other people or yourself. Self-love will result in a life-long commitment to yourself. Doing everything in your power to stay healthy, treating yourself every once in a while, all these to me are little examples of proof of self-love.
So, how come every magazine or blog seems to find it so easy? I doubt the people who write articles like, â€œHow to love yourself in three easy stepsâ€ are truly loving themselves, in the spiritual sense of the term. They are just tricking themselves into believing it; because that’s how the human brain works. If you keep telling yourself that you’re beautiful, you will think you are beautiful; on the other hand, if you keep telling yourself how ugly you are, you will think you are ugly. It doesn’t mean you are, it doesn’t mean you feel beautiful or ugly all the time. The same exact process is followed by your brain when telling yourself, â€œI love myselfâ€ every day. By repeating this simple mantra, you will think you love yourself. It doesn’t mean that you do or feel like you do love yourself.
Because how can you truly love yourself if you can’t accept your flaws as part of the deal? Self-love comes easy once you’ve accepted yourself as you are. The only path to self-love is self acceptance. It is the difficult part of the journey. It is hard work and not everyone is willing to put effort and energy into it.
Self acceptance is the act of forgiving yourself for your past, present and future mistakes – live the moment for what it’s worth and do not dwell on it later. Indulge yourself to your feelings as you’re feeling them – do not regret or reject them; you have a reason to feel the way you do, accept it and don’t apologize for it. Be aware of your qualities and faults as much as you’re aware of those of someone else – you’re not perfect but remember that no one else is, so don’t compare yourself to anybody else.
Young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that’s rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. â€“ Maya Angelou
You can’t be taught how to love but you sure as hell can be taught about acceptance.