Bones 9.05 “The Lady on the List”

After nine seasons and three blondes, the occasional brunette, a restless world traveler, babies, evil serial killers, cartoonish serial killers, and more dead bodies than there are places to hide them, Booth and Brennan are finally getting married! But that’s next week. This week, there’s another murder to solve.

The Murder

(Just pretend you see safety equipment, mmmkay?)
(Just pretend you see safety equipment, mmmkay?)

Our victim is a high school principal named Charlie McCord, whose decomposing body is found hanging off the side of a cliff. Mr. McCord turns out to be a high school principal with terminal cancer who is living his last days by crossing items off of his bucket list, and by making videos dispensing the kind of wisdom you’d normally have to buy a fortune cookie to find. You might think that the guy is already dying, so who would want to kill him, right? Well, not so fast.

There’s the wife, of course, because wives are always suspect and since people actually want to buy those advice videos Charlie was hawking, there’s motive if they’ll buy more once he’s dead. But the wife loved him and even though her home remedies contained arsenic, they were meant to help not hurt Charlie so we quickly move on.

Also in the suspect pool is real-life MMA fighter Chuck Liddell, who is on video being sucker-punched by Charlie and who might have gone looking for revenge. Once Chuck found out that punching him was on Charlie’s bucket list, however, Chuck is all zen with it and he is ruled out, too.

Next up is Lena, the former bookkeeper who was fired after Charlie caught her embezzling from the school. She seems like a likely suspect, especially when she opens the door to Booth and Brennan brandishing a metal pipe. But the pipe isn’t a match to the wounds on Charlie’s skull and Lena is actually grateful to Charlie for turning her in as she has since straightened out her life.

Bucket list or no, I'm not punching him.
Bucket list or no, I’m not punching him.

But don’t despair, because there’s one more suspect: Martin, a former high school baseball player with a bum arm whom Charlie gave a coaching job. Martin is also the person helping Charlie with his bucket list and once Charlie’s self-help videos start to make real money, the coach is unhappy to find himself cut out of the profits. Pretty soon, it’s the old “I didn’t mean to kill him when I hit him with the bag of quarters” line, but either way, Charlie is dead and Martin is going to jail.

Back at the Lab

Oliver Wells is the squint of the week and as near as I can tell, his main function is to make us all wish Daisy would come back. He’s rude and arrogant and it’s hard to believe Dr. “I’m The Boss” Camille Saroyan hasn’t fired his ass many times over.

Sweets is also back, which is a bit confusing, as when we last saw him, he was on leave and then temporarily off leave and then went back on leave again. But since continuity has never been all that important on Bones, what matters is that he’s back and not happy that while he was away, the FBI bought a $3 million dollar computer called Hal Val to replace him. You can’t take a computer to lunch, though, and soon enough, Val is unplugged and Oliver is sad because they were just starting a bitching game of Minecraft.

Booth and Brennan

In the meantime, there’s a wedding to plan!! Because it’s Booth and Brennan, they’re each doing what makes the other happy and to hell with a little thing like accommodating guests: Brennan adds pigs-in-a-blanket to the menu and opts for a church ceremony, Booth backs off from his reception idea of a pub night at the Founding Fathers and agrees to wear a tux, so he’ll match Brennan when she wears a dress she’s been dreaming of since she was eight.

Now . . . who’s ready for a wedding?

Goin' to the chapel . . . and they're . . . gonna get ma-a-arried . . .
Goin’ to the chapel . . . and they’re . . . gonna get ma-a-arried . . .

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MJ

48/DWF. "I don't entirely approve of some of the things I have done or am or have been. But I'm me. God knows, I'm me." Elizabeth Taylor

2 thoughts on “Bones 9.05 “The Lady on the List””

  1. I am extremely ready for a wedding, if only because we’ve been waiting for NINE SEASONS! I have been rewatching Bones on Netflix and wow, the first few seasons of the show were so good. They were funny, occasionally a bit profane, and generally just good television. I’ve only been watching this season because I want to know how it ends.

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