I hope you had a happy turkey day, Persephoneers! Did you miss Project Runway All Stars? Did you swaddle yourself in an old bed sheet, some coffee grounds, shoes from the QVC (TM) Accessory (TM) Wall (TM), and a sense of unearned entitlement to remind you of the good old episodes? I know I did. FYI, coffee grounds are definitely an above the waist fashion accessory.
Last week Jeffrey won, which is just encouraging him. But anything could happen in the here and now. For this week’s challenge, Alyssa introduced us to an unusually blue-haired client — Marge Simpson, of the struggling underground darling TV show The Simpsons! Marge immediately began dispensing invaluable sartorial advice, such as “Find one dress that looks good on you and wear it every day for the rest of your life.” My Gunne Sax sun dress from sixth grade, here I come!
The challenge was to design a dinner dress for Marge to wear on a date with Homer. She didn’t specify that it should be able to repel BBQ stains, but that seems a given for a date with that particular gentleman. She did say no green, and that Homer needed to be able to remove the dress afterward after a lot of alcohol, which is a goal for every dress, amIrite? Naturally, the winning design would be animated and worn on The Simpsons, which, in my opinion, is the greatest prize ever offered by this show, and I’m including all the cashola.
The cutest part of the design process was all the contestants sketching Marge’s dress with their own version of her head drawn in. However, the designers had struggles. Some of them couldn’t wrap their heads around a housewife (as opposed to a model, I guess). Some didn’t understand “going out to dinner” and wanted to make a ball gown. And some forgot that Marge has yellow skin and blue hair, so putting her in a cacophony of colors is a circus nightmare. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Seth Aaron made five dresses for Marge, each less appropriate than the last. They were too loud, too young, too formal, too cartooney, which yes — irony! If there’s one thing Marge is about, it’s good taste.
The first guest judge was Anthony Ryan Auld, PRAS season 2 winner, who was bald from undergoing chemo. Get well soon, Anthony Ryan! Chemo is a total asshole. The second, Abigail Breslin (for some reason?), and last, Stacey Bendet, who designs for Alice + Olivia.
Just a guess, but I imagine that Marge may need this when looking at some of these clothes.
Korto is a housewife herself, and she said she’d want to wear this kind of dress on a date with her man, and I totally agree. I think she really got what the occasion was all about — not a red carpet, but just a nice night away from the kids when Marge can feel sparkly and get laid after. Get it Marge! This midnight blue sequin number was not too fancy, but dazzling enough to make any Homer head turn. I loved the one-sleeve look, but the fact that the sleeveless side would also hide a bra. The knee-length skirt hem rounded at the front and back, and pulled up on the sides just a bit, giving is a very sexy shape. It could go from the restaurant (with waiters!) to a bar and fit in anywhere. Isaac loved this one, as did Anthony Ryan. Alyssa thought the hem of this skirt was flattering, and the whole design, classic.
Christopher’s look wasn’t bad, so much as it was soooo safe. A red floral print on black satin is probably too busy for Marge (and her animators — lady wears a solid for a reason). The strapless shape, belt, and front sash of material hanging from the waist have been done to death, and this basically looked like a semi-formal dress from Dillard’s sale rack. Alyssa called it “vacation” Marge. Isaac said he’d seen it fifty times.
Ah, Jeffrey. If I can count on anything, it’s that you have no eye whatsoever. How did this dude win a season again? He designed this plunging V-neckline shift dress in a muted, sad purple, and plopped giant mauve lapels on the front. For a yellow woman with blue hair. The skirt was slit high on each thigh at the side, but came down to below the knee in the front (the least-sexy length) and to the floor in back. Now, I don’t mind some mullet dresses, but this one was so wrong it would never be right. And close up — shudder — the material was shimmery, sparkly purple. This basically looked like a semi-formal dress from Forever 21’s sale rack. Isaac said the selection of the fabric was automatically wrong, and that her butt looked atrocious.
Irina…Irina…I’m tryinga to figure outa what I thoughta. She gave us a Barney-purple strapless minidress with some crystals scattered down the front and a floatey purple tea-length cape attached all around the bodice top constructed of layers of chiffon. I liked it, kinda, and then I didn’t. The model appeared with the whole business belted, and I enjoyed that, but then took it off to give us Super Dinosaur. It felt too fancy for a dinner out, and also…I hate to say it (because I DO NOT believe that women ought to dress FOR men) but I think this is not a dress that most men would dig. It hides the goods, you know? I have those outfits — fashioney and I love them/weird and my husband hates them. I will still wear them, because I’m the boss of me/feminism!, but maybe not on a specific date when I want to get his sweet, sweet booty, you know? The judges loved this one because yes, it was fashioney. Stacey did think it was too fancy for the date night.
Viktor made a terribly pretty silver number that fit like a business dress but sparkled like an evening outfit. The bodice had a sweetheart neckline trimmed in crystals, and a high, rounded neck and cap sleeves above that in sheer black. The skirt was ye olde standard figure-hugger in a faux-wrap and a little slit in the front. At first, I thought this too staid (despite its sparkles), but then I remembered that not every woman wants to be Jessica Rabbit like me. This more conservative take on a dinner dress would work for so many women who don’t want their tits hanging out, but who still want to glam it up. This design was smack in the middle — safe.
Seth Aaron’s fourteenth dress actually worked for me, albeit in an almost-not sort of way. His electric purple halter maxi dress (with black belt) would be the perfect glam dinner dress in Los Angeles, but damn, she’d be way too fancy for many other places. I could actually imagine Marge in it. However, there was absolutely nothing new about this design, and it looked like it was the fourteenth dress he made because it was so simple and easy. Alyssa loved the color, but thought it was nothing new. Anthony Ryan called it lazy. On the runway, Seth Aaron poo-pooed forty-year-old women as having sort-of given up (kiss my almost-forty ass, dude), and Isaac admonished him for it, saying that if he had designed the right dress, a woman would rise to the occasion for it. Yes!
Elena want way overboard. She designed a red carpet evening gown with a black evening jacket over top. The red jersey dress featured a simple scoop bodice, maxi column length, and a dramatic plunge in the back off of which hung a curtain of fabric that swayed with the model walked. The jacket was structured and pointy, but totally mismatched to the dress, as the curtain in the back hung well below the waist and would flop about weirdly squished under that coat. Plus, who under the age of sixty even wears an evening jacket? A glam coat for cold weather, yes, but this thing just screamed Golden Girls to me. Isaac adored this, but called it “not exactly” an ensemble. Alyssa loved the jacket which, up close, was tailored gorgeously and quilted into something really special. But I still maintain these items did not go together.
Irina won the day! I do think it was one of the better dresses, but I wish Korto had taken it home.
Guess who was in the bottom? If you said Set Aaron and Jeffrey, then you have more sense than either of them. And finally, finally, finally Jeffrey went home. It pisses me off that so many good designers went home when this dude stayed way too long.
First person to get the reference in my title gets…nothing. But you should feel good about yourself, anyway.
Now kids, before you leave a comment, remember: