The “House Hunters” Drinking Game

Oh, House Hunters. The show that puts clueless people who adhere to every gendered stereotype imaginable in the hands of the most grating and idiotic real estate agents on the planet and forces them to choose between three mediocre home options. Or whatever the official outline of the show is supposed to be.

A picture of the House Hunters logo.

Much like Say Yes to the Dress, this show is formulaic and annoying, so I have decided to write it up its very own drinking game.

Take a drink when:

  • The episode focuses on a white, heterosexual married couple.
  • If they have small children or the woman is visibly pregnant. (Two drinks if they have children AND the wife is visibly pregnant.)
  • Anyone utters the phrase “growing family.”
  • They talk about using a space for “entertaining.”
  • The couple says things to uphold gender stereotypes, for example, the realtor talks to the woman about the kitchen.
  • They use the phrase “man cave.”
  • When it’s a young couple, the wife points out that a small bedroom would make a great nursery. (Two drinks if the husband immediately looks terrified.)
  • The buyers comment on crown molding.
  • Someone mentions paint, furniture or light fixtures (or any other feature that is impermanent and relatively inexpensive to change) as a plus or minus to the home.
  • The buyers have an obvious lack of knowledge about real estate.
  • They have expectations that are completely unreasonable for their price range.
  • Every time someone says a completely inane thought out loud.
  • They mention walk-in closets. (Two drinks if all closet commentary is aimed at the woman with no regard to where the man will keep his clothing.)
  • They complain about a street/train/other noise element.
  • They complain that a room is “small.”
  • They complain about a lack of privacy in the yard due to neighboring houses at reasonable neighboring distances.
  • Any mention of granite counter tops or stainless steel appliances.
  • Anyone points out what a great “office” a room will make.
  • The realtor points out something glaringly obvious (“This is a kitchen.” “Here we have the back yard.”)
  • Any mention of a “bonus room.”
  • Something they say makes you think you would never want them to move in next door to you.

Finish your drink if:

  • They actually buy the home you would have chosen.

Comment if you have any more suggestions!

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[E] Liza

PhD student. Knitter. Brooklynite. Long-distance dog mom. Reluctant cat lady. Majestic unicorn whose hair changes color with the wind.

19 thoughts on “The “House Hunters” Drinking Game”

        1. And you just KNOW the every-episode “very expensive and absolutely necessary repairs” is expected, and that Hillary probably plans for something like that (and only does the “I don’t know if I can give you the fountain with live mermaids in the living room, we have to fix the floor so you won’t fall through” for the camera). There’s no WAY that something crucially structural/electrical is overlooked EVERY TIME.

          Though the last-minute “oh, we wanted an olympic swimming pool in the basement, WHERE IS IT” tantrums are totally trolling. Right?

        1. I’d actually be able to go to grad school without the weight of crushing debt, set up a college fund for future niece or nephew, make sure parents have money for any issues as they get older, buy a nice little house and sock the rest away to collect interest.

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