I hope you hit the liquor store, ladies; we’re all about to get very drunk. Obama’s State of the Union address will be airing at 9:00 ET, so brush up on the rules below and we can discuss it all as it happens.
Take one sip if:
- “The state of our union is strong.”
- “Hope and change.”
- Obama chastises Congress for not doing anything useful.
- Boehner’s scowl makes him look constipated.
- Biden grins and nods enthusiastically. (Two sips if it doesn’t seem like it’s actually in response to what Obama just said.)
- Reaction shot of Michelle Obama.
- Shout-out to a special guest used to put a human face on a serious issue.
- Break for applause. (Two sips if the camera pans to a Republican pointedly not clapping. Chug if it’s John McCain not clapping.)
- Break for laughter. (Two sips if the camera pans to a Republican pointedly not laughing. Chug if it’s John McCain not laughing.)
- Random closeup of an American flag.
- Obama mentions any of the following:
- The Affordable Healthcare Act. (Two sips if he calls it Obamacare.)
- Reproductive health. (Two sips if he talks about abortion.)
- Legalizing marijuana. (Two sips if that gets a giant grin from Biden.)
- Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, or North Korea. (Two sips he mentions Syria, Egypt, South Sudan, Ukraine, or any other global hot zones that don’t get much coverage here.)
- Gay marriage. (Two sips if he mentions other discrimination against the LGBTQ community.)
- The minimum wage, income inequality, student loan debt, taxing the rich, or Wall Street reform.
- Gun control.
- Climate change. (Two sips for “polar vortex.”)
- NASA/space exploration. (Chug if he’s planning a colony on Mars or the moon.)
- Education. (Chug if he talks about teaching creationism in our schools.)
- Falling behind the rest of the world in STEM.
Finish your drink if:
- Some asshole Congressman or other protesters interrupt him again.