The 2014 State of the Union Drinking Game and Liveblog

I hope you hit the liquor store, ladies; we’re all about to get very drunk. Obama’s State of the Union address will be airing at 9:00 ET, so brush up on the rules below and we can discuss it all as it happens.

Take one sip if:

  • “The state of our union is strong.”
  • “Hope and change.”
  • Obama chastises Congress for not doing anything useful.
  • Boehner’s scowl makes him look constipated.
  • Biden grins and nods enthusiastically. (Two sips if it doesn’t seem like it’s actually in response to what Obama just said.)
  • Reaction shot of Michelle Obama.
  • Shout-out to a special guest used to put a human face on a serious issue.
  • Break for applause. (Two sips if the camera pans to a Republican pointedly not clapping. Chug if it’s John McCain not clapping.)
  • Break for laughter. (Two sips if the camera pans to a Republican pointedly not laughing. Chug if it’s John McCain not laughing.)
  • Random closeup of an American flag.
  • Obama mentions any of the following:
    • The Affordable Healthcare Act. (Two sips if he calls it Obamacare.)
    • Reproductive health. (Two sips if he talks about abortion.)
    • Legalizing marijuana. (Two sips if that gets a giant grin from Biden.)
    • Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, or North Korea. (Two sips he mentions Syria, Egypt, South Sudan, Ukraine, or any other global hot zones that don’t get much coverage here.)
    • Gay marriage. (Two sips if he mentions other discrimination against the LGBTQ community.)
    • The minimum wage, income inequality, student loan debt, taxing the rich, or Wall Street reform.
    • Gun control.
    • Immigration.
    • Infrastructure.
    • Cybersecurity.
    • Climate change. (Two sips for “polar vortex.”)
    • NASA/space exploration. (Chug if he’s planning a colony on Mars or the moon.)
    • Education. (Chug if he talks about teaching creationism in our schools.)
    • Falling behind the rest of the world in STEM.

Finish your drink if:

  • Some asshole Congressman or other protesters interrupt him again.

Drink everything in the damn house and have a naked dance party if:

Animated gif with altered footage of Obama finishing a speech and kicking the door open as he walks off stage

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[E] Hillary

Hillary is a giant nerd and former Mathlete. She once read large swaths of "Why Evolution is True" and a geology book aloud to her infant daughter, in the hopes of a) instilling a love of science in her from a very young age and b) boring her to sleep. After escaping the wilds of Waco, Texas and spending the next decade in NYC, she currently lives in upstate New York, where she misses being able to get decent pizza and Chinese takeout delivered to her house. She lost on Jeopardy.

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