I hope you hit the liquor store, ladies; we’re all about to get very drunk. Obama’s State of the Union address will be airing at 9:00 ET, so brush up on the rules below and we can discuss it all as it happens.
Take one sip if:
- “The state of our union is strong.”
- “Hope and change.”
- Obama chastises Congress for not doing anything useful.
- Boehner’s scowl makes him look constipated.
- Biden grins and nods enthusiastically. (Two sips if it doesn’t seem like it’s actually in response to what Obama just said.)
- Reaction shot of Michelle Obama.
- Shout-out to a special guest used to put a human face on a serious issue.
- Break for applause. (Two sips if the camera pans to a Republican pointedly not clapping. Chug if it’s John McCain not clapping.)
- Break for laughter. (Two sips if the camera pans to a Republican pointedly not laughing. Chug if it’s John McCain not laughing.)
- Random closeup of an American flag.
- Obama mentions any of the following:
- The Affordable Healthcare Act. (Two sips if he calls it Obamacare.)
- Reproductive health. (Two sips if he talks about abortion.)
- Legalizing marijuana. (Two sips if that gets a giant grin from Biden.)
- Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, or North Korea. (Two sips he mentions Syria, Egypt, South Sudan, Ukraine, or any other global hot zones that don’t get much coverage here.)
- Gay marriage. (Two sips if he mentions other discrimination against the LGBTQ community.)
- The minimum wage, income inequality, student loan debt, taxing the rich, or Wall Street reform.
- Gun control.
- Climate change. (Two sips for “polar vortex.”)
- NASA/space exploration. (Chug if he’s planning a colony on Mars or the moon.)
- Education. (Chug if he talks about teaching creationism in our schools.)
- Falling behind the rest of the world in STEM.
Finish your drink if:
- Some asshole Congressman or other protesters interrupt him again.
Drink everything in the damn house and have a naked dance party if:
I’m so sad I missed the end of this. Y’all are beautiful politically-active drunks.
I’m failing to flirst with a friend so it’s all ok.
Also even cspan mentioned the snow so.
And local news is talking about some fancy techno-doo-dad that will tell you if your kid’s diaper is wet. Just fucking look at it! Jesus fucking Christ.
perfect use of drunk power!
(Scrolling through regular Facebook to see if any of my conservative friends watched so I can yell at them.)
… my dog is so soft and gives many soothing doggy kisses. Who wants love from my doggy?
Picard! Even better.
“Selena, this TV isn’t supposed to get Fox. Watch Picard. Picard is good.”
Pretty pretty Chris Pine Star Trek?
CSPAN is ALLLLLLLL comments. which are mostly in soft tones I can’t follow while drynk.
Oh, heh, somebody changed the channel to Star Trek.
Soothing, soothing Star Trek.
They just asked for Facebook comments. I will not do it. I will not do it. I will not do it.
Oh, small business owners are being interviewed about the wagepocalpse. “IT DESTROYS JOBS.” As opposes to “IT MAKES YOUR NEIGHBORS STARVE.” FUCK ALL OF THIS BULLSHIT.
NOW I AM ANGRY DRUNK. SELENA MACSMASH.
Local Fox affiliate is talking about the Super Bowl.
NBC just cut over to American Game Night. Need to change channel!
And now they’re talking about minimum wage and how awful Obama is. Local news, never change.
LOLOLOLOL The locals had some sense it seems.
The local affiliate cut in, so it’s mostly about the wind chills.
I would have rather looked at pretty snowthan the response TBH
BriWi’s just like, “Look at the pretty snow…”
And how is faux news’s coverage o great heroigne?
I should drink a lot of water or I’m going to be SOOOOOOO hungover from this shit.
Our local news: “Obama wants to raise the minimum wage. Some say this is a good idea, we’re going to tell you why it’s THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO AMERICA.”
My hand to CJ.
I’m sick of their selfish bullshit
Also note: even with a son with disabilities, she doesn’t support ratifying the CRPD. nope.
In conclusion, Jesus, pie, America, mothers, freedom.
I’m a few seconds behind you, or I’m trapped in hell and it;’s never actually going to be over.
Such God. Very prayer. Wow America
MUCH CHRISTIAN. VERY MOTHER. SO WOMAN. NO SiLLY REPRO RIGHTS. SUCH FETUS.
Very glad that shit’s over.
… wow christian spiel.!!!!!!!!!
God, prayer, blah blah blah
Um, I’m sorry, but until you agree to raising the SSI /SSDI saving caps my potential is fucked over not boundless.
Trusts people, UNLESS THEY’RE WOMEN.
Those people also posted stuff about Obama being the anti-chirst, so I am skeptical of these sources.
… I’m drunk.
“Real action” FUCK YOU you destroy shit and call it action. you l.eave people who are like your son but are not having the economic advantages to languish in institutions or maybe even in the community but without supports and service. go eat somethign unpleasant.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, values, family, abortion, taxes, blah, blah
THE FREE MARKET CANCELLED THEIR POLICIES, NOT THE ACA
So only support the super able in joining, those advantaged enough to have a college education, in coming to this country? I’m tired of this. fuck off.
Ooh, model immigrant bullshit
My head just exploded.
People didn’t stop looking for jobs, you cut off their fucking unemployment so they dropped out of the statistics!!!!
RFepublicans saw a chance to hook on both disability and their stance on reproductive rights and went for it.
Because she can afford to cover his care, and fuck everyone else.
NOOOOOO not pity phrasing about your son!!!!!!!!!!
Also, if you see all his awesome, why do you vote against ish that could benefit him and grant him equal opportunity?
What the hell am I listening to?
Though I’m impressed that she can sit 8 weeks after giving birth.
I have babies, I am one of the GOOD women.
AND A PAYCHECK< YOU DIM BINT
I get the feeling that she’s there more because of adorable points than any actual respect.
If you close your eyes while you listen to her, you’ll get a terrible case of deja vu.
… if you seriously rthink that DC operates on the same things as everywhere else you are SERIOUSLY naive. I only sometimes work there and I know that’s UTTER bs.
Because there are no people in government.
I feel like she probably says “Gosh darn” a lot.
WOOT WOOT FOR AFFORDING YOUR HEALTHCARE HILLARY!!!!
Recap so far: This is America. We are people. People live. In America.
TELEPROMPTER CADANCE. I’m all for teleprompters but at least practice s you don’t ave the cadance.
Getting ready for tomorrow’s doctor’s appointment THAT YOU CAN PROBABLY AFFORD BECAUSE OF OBAMACARE!
ah ha ha ha you can’t get through college just on the golden arches anymore m’dear.
Oh god, learn where to pause.
When even fox laughs you off…
KDR as republican spokesperson: 100% pandering, or just 95%?
Fox just laughed off the idea of running Paul’s response.
CSPAN is taking listener comments right now and it’s a constant battle of “will this be ok or an entire asshole on the line?”
It’s snowing behind BriWi!
Neither am I.
I am not drunk enough for that.
Listening to the Fox White Dude Opinions is both hilarious and sad.
He’s pure fucking evil and I can’t believe I went to the same university as him. I was a tiny person when he was there, but we lived in the same town and he was in a group that I desperately wanted to be invited to join when I was in college and RAGE
In the meantime it’s hand shakey cheek kissy tiem!
I could hate Rand Paul on disability baisis alone, but he tops that with his crap on all the things.
I refuse to watch Rand Paul’s response, though, because fuck that dude.
Dont’ worry, I’ll be verrrrry very drunk and ragey! Cheers!
That was definitely not Uncle Fluffy.
Yeah, but I’ll probably get ragey.
Anyone staying on for the republican response with me?
FOR ALL means FOR ALL>
… that is a firm clap in the mic CSPAN
Crap, raining on my face now.
CMS- center for medicaid/medicare services FYI.
Mental healt reforms… what do you say to CMS saying they will cut the number of anti-depressants that they will cover mr O??????????????????
Mental health care for veterans!
OH GOOD GRIEF, PEOPLE ARE CHANTING U.S.A. FOR THE OLYMPICS. MAYBE CARE ABOUT ALL THE OTHER SHIT HE’S TALKING ABOUT THAT MUCH.
It would be great to travel and not worry about accessibility as much if it were passed.
Quick obligatory shout out to ratify the CRPD…
Time for my pudding cup…
I’m drunk enough that I don’t mind that it’s vodka anymore so.
GRUMPY MCCAIN CROWDSHOT!!! FINALLY!
I stopped drinking on applause breaks because I forgot how many there would be.
I’;m on drink 3 aND i KNOW i missed a few shots…
(I’m barely onto my second drink. I just get happy/hyper quickly.)
(SO FYI the live tweet in another tab is Disability Policy Wonk live tweet SO. But there’s SOOOOO many amazing tweets there.) http://twubs.com/SOTU4PWDs
Damn, forgot to put drones on the list. Drink anyway! Another shot of ex-boss’s husband!
Hillary, I <3 you, but Jesus!
If I die of alcohol poisoning I jsut… *drinks*
Drink for cyberattacks!
Awesome. Very happy about that too.
Want to share this tweet I saw with you and echo it: RT @AAPD_CEO proud that @BarackObama didn’t mention mental health in connection with gun violence. #sotuchat #SOTU4PWDs
Dislike. Also, remind me to stay off Facebook. I’m feeling real sassy tonight.
What a fuckface
I just got an email saying that beohner said that SotU is the hardest night for him to keep is composure. CAN”T TAKE THE TRUTH FLATUANCE FACE???
VOTING RIGHTS YES> Most states you have the right to vote. IDK if you are institutionalized, still live with parents, have aroudn the clock care- YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO VOTE. Needing a lot of care doesn’t negate that, PwD! We need this shit!
I finally got approval for my proof of income and will be signing up soon.
Boehner is really unhappy now…
We should have someone do a walk through of sign ups.
Persephone Magazine is happy to help anyone sign up for health insurance.
Quote from my mother, “Boehner looks like he has really bad gas..”
HEALTCARE HEALTH CARFE HEALTHCAREQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kentucky does have a damn classy governor.
THIS IS WHERE I WOULD PUT A CJ GIF, IF THE COMPUTER WOULD LET ME.
Fuck all you assholes still sitting down.
“Let’s see you do better.”
DAAAAAAAMMMMMNNNNNN SHIT JUST GOT REAL
This is semi pronographic.
YES YES YES YES YES OMG YES.
My sister and brother are able to be having their health issues covered because of ACA.
I can’t be denied coverage because of being multiply disabled because of ACA.
I can’t be over charged because of being a woman because of ACA. LOVE YOU ACA.
All hail obama care!
HOT DAMN YES.
Oooh, grumpy republican crowd shot!
Between this and the debate I’m having about abortion and PP on another site, I really need to be way drunker than I am.
I <3 you all so much.
Yesss, I was too drunk to remember Uncle Fluffy
… I’m very intoxicated. Thanks Obama!!
And there’s the Biden grin again
I love Sassy!Obama
Sassy!Obama showed up tonight!
I fucking hate Rubio and am ashamed to call him a Senator.
MyRA is a really shitty name. Good premise, good idea, bad name.
JUST LIKE EVERYONE IN THIS CHAMBER CAN OMG
Re: rubio: Tastey
I’m getting there!
Did he just put words in Rubio’s mouth?
WAtch out I’m drunk AND POLITICAL AS FUCK.
Peer pressure! I like this tactic.
Oooh, he mentioned Reagan!!
Not living in poverty? Raise the savings cap for people on SSI and SSDI!!!
Raising wages is good for our econ, good for america. Raise moinimum wage AND abolish subminimum wage for Pwd (And waitresses!)
CORRECTION: MINIMUM LIVING WAGE.
MINIMUM WAGE FOR PWD. THE P STANDS FOR PEOPLE, PEOPLE.
Random pizza dudes!
(I’m riled up from the live tweet in another window don’t mind me… actually, DO mind me. )
PWD also deserve equal pay… How about EVERYONE deserves equal pay for equal work? When we all succeed- women, PoC, PwD, queer folks- then we ALL SUCCEED.
WHEN WOMEN SUCCEED, AMERICA SUCCEEDS! (MOTHERFUCKER!)
(Oops, missed the caps lock key)
women deserve equal pay for equal work, motherfuckers!
Gender wage gap!!
Hell yeah, helping young men of color
Student loan payment caps!
YES YES YES BROAD BAND. We need rural broadbandification like we had rural electrification! We need high speed access in rural america NOW!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU SHOULD ALSO ASK SOME TEACHERS.
I need POTUS to address the rising cost of higher ed and the loan scheme.
At least teachers aren’t public enemy number one on the blue side now.
Boehner can’t even be happy that the kid got into college
Guy in crowd
The bot in Boehner’s head can’t compute compassion, he’s twitching.
Vodka <3s typos.
Folksy middle America anecdote!
I tin kw e all know half this shit on’t actually come through but it’s nice to think it will for the duration of the speach…
(This is what happens when Selena watches on Fox…)
Unempolyment insurance!! I really need them to fucking reup that.
YES RESTORE UNEMPLOYMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<– shits on everyone's party.
And yay, lady CEO, but she’s also responsible for hiring new workers at 1/3 the rate of people hired five years ago, for the same job.
I know Selena but I’d rather be an opptimisting drunk than a sad one. Re: immagration
Damn, I totally forgot that one.
Well, “roaring back” isn’t the whole story.
Yay, special guest CEO lady!
We missed “let’s get it done” in the drink list guys. That’s one of his phrases!
… wow my typos increased fast.
“Immigration reform” is a great way of saying not a lot, but making everyone clap. /cynic.
I’ll catch up with a hard cider when I get home.
White wine. I think I need whiskey.
How about let’s not criminalize migration of umans ow aout that
(Texting Neil to bring me another one…)
I’m drinking Mike’s Hard Lemonade, because I’m actually 14.
YES TO IMMAGRATION REFORM! ALL HAIL IMMAGRATION REFOR M!
I’m drinking cheap ass beer, for America.
Boo at hillary’s ex bos’s husband
CLIMATE CHANGE IS A FACT, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
I wish I had gotten rum instead of vodka. I <3 rum. I don't like vodka so much.
Ewwww, just showed ex-boss’s husband; didn’t see if she was sitting next to him off-camera
… I need to refill my fglass.
YES LIVING WAGES FOR OUR JOBS! No more triple shifts to survive where there are resources!
“Panel pounded into place by a worker” sounded dirrrrrty
Liza, i wish there waeds a like button for your posts. <3
Let’s make sure those jobs pay a living wage, while we’re making lists.
HELL no on KXL
That works for me!
Yeah but like let’s not do that Keystone XL.
… I’m having trouble remembering what is on the drink list and am drinking every time he changes toipics now.
Climate change! (But no fracking, please!!!)
Biden grin, Boehner looks constipated!
Down with patent trolls!
I was spoiled traveling in Asia. The trains were kinda awesome!
OOOO interesting research.
I’m in favor of trains, as well. And jobs. WHERE IS THE JOB TRAIN?
Now I’m just being beligerant. I can’t spell that. I”m being bratty.
TRAINS = JOBS.
AlL THE TRAINS.
I hate flying so YES TRAINS
I WANT TRAINZS I WANT TRAINS!!!!! TRAINS1!!! /obligatory autistic train fangirling.
I would so love that
Oh hi by the way!
Streamlining! Roads! Bridges!
I just got here, and I am out of drinks. Damn.
Can I get a plan for intercontinental rail?
INFRASTRUCTURE = B uild it and they will come appearently?
Random guy looking the wrong way
CAREFUL JOE THE LAUNCH CODES AND YOUR FREQUENT ICE CREAM CARD ARE IN THERE
A CNN tweet quotes him as “Obams” and I’m going to pretend it’s not a typo.
Biden dropped his envelope
At this rate I expect the typo ratio to swiftly increase
Can we salute the lady CEO?
I don’t have enough drinks.
There’s that Biden grin!
My drink is disappearing way too quickly…
Ditto Liza, all the dittos
MARRIAGE EQUALITY DRINK
Would like MObama not to focus on weight tho.
All hail FlotUS
DAMN STRAIGHT YOU STAND UP FOR FLOTUS.
If I don’t make it back, you all can split my unicorn, my books, and my gif collection.
Y’ALL BEST STAND FOR THE FLOTUS!
AWWWWWW DRINK AT THAT SMUG MICHELLE GRIN REACTION AND PAUSE FOR APPLAUSE!!!
Selena, you? are a hero.
Paul Ryan looks sad.
Take one for the team, Selena
That call out of the govt shut down totes counts as calling congress out on not doing ish.
Ice cream shop frequent customer punch card.
I’m watching this on Fox so y’all don’t have to.
Who gave Biden my envelope?
Lisa Frank stickers, porno mag
Biden’s envelope: launch codes, a feminist manifesto, some coupons, and secrets.
That sounds dirty, Hillary.
… I hear lols in with that applause.
I want to know what’s in Biden’s giant envelope.
Biden’s rocking the Serious Face; Boehner looks annoyed that Obama has successes to talk about.
I hate not drinking.
Guh I hate vodka. *adds more iced tea*
I knew I forgot something! I meant to put that with the shout-outs to special guests.
I made dinner to eat during so this should be interesting. Pudding cup for dessert tho!
No drinking for folksy Main Street USA anecdotes?
I’m taking tiny sips because I’m still full from dinner.
Any bets at alcohol poisoning likeliness? I know his first SotU I drink any time Nancy P did a standing ovation and I gave up completely trashed halfway through.
I’m so glad we don’t have to play drinking games for SOTU that say “take a drink when he makes up a word” anymore like we did with Bush.
WHERE’S MEH GLASs.
Biden’s grinning like an idiot, DRINK!
… One of the secret serves dudes looks like an extra from the Mummy. If the mummy had a scene were there were extras who were also mummies.
NONE FOR CANTOR BYE
No one wants to shake Cantor’s hand, lol
I hope he washes his hands after shaking all those.
He;s actually earlier than I guessed he’d be.
‘Bout frickin time, Barack.
Biden and Boehner look bored. Everyone else is having fun without them.
Very glad I didn’t put “flag lapel pin” in the drinking game; I’d be blitzed already.
The whitehouse.gov live stream has this weird two-thirds wide thing going on. I hope that’s just for the pregame stuff.
WHY THE FUCK IS A DUCK DYNASTY DUDE THERE???
GAHH. I’m at work so I can’t drink along.
(I have to watch the puglican response later for work- lady giving it has a child with down syndrome and one of my groups has an interest in seeing how she does. *le sigh* *cracks open vodka*)
Yup, they cut away for analysis. Handshakes just popped back up in an inset.
Did NBC deny you guys the handshake party?
Who invited Debbie Downer? (Chuck Todd)
I spy Holder!
If it weren’t so high necked I’d want Michelle’s dress. uber cute.
Who is the lady in sparkled red dress shaking every hand she can? because I’d do the same.
It’s Brian Williams time!
I’m not sure; I haven’t checked it out.
Will the Whitehouse.gov stream carry the responses too or no overtime there?
whitehouse.gov has a livestream too.
Reminder to the non-tv’d: C-span live streams!: http://www.c-span.org/Events/President-Obamas-2014-State-of-the-Union-Speech/10737427373/ Makes the camera focus shots harder to catch, though, so I’m hoping my Tv’d Friends are calling shots when needed!
I got kicked off the big TV because Neil doesn’t want to watch, and I can’t remember what channel MSNBC is in non-HD. I’m stuck waiting for the Biggest fucking Loser to end so I can watch on NBC.
I have to watch via C-Span… no pre-game commentary for me. ;_;
Oh God, just realized I need to add a special rule for myself – chug and then smash the bottle if I spot my old boss in the audience (she’s married to a senator).
Watching the pre-show on MSNBC right now… Biden in the house!