News in Europe: Let’s Not Stay Together

Greetings, citizens! While nothing major has happened this past week, there are so many curious behind-the-scenes developments that I’m starting to suspect Europe might just be losing it. But onwards and upwards, friends, and let’s make the best of this:

While Russia cleans Crimea of Ukrainian officials, and the rest of the world is trying to come up with sanctions that don’t make Vladimir Putin laugh, a few other countries are in need of a Plan B. Sweden and Finland are allegedly considering joining NATO, while Lithuania is looking to end its dependence on Russian gas. The Baltic states are worried. We’re all a bit uneasy here.

Next, we’ll all be looking to Transdniestria, a region that (unofficially) became independent from Moldova in 1990 and has expressed its desire to become part of Russia.

And while we’re on the subject of separatism…

Spring is in the air, and we’re all consciously uncoupling! The Hebrides want out of Scotland in case Scotland wants out of the UK. And Sardinia wants to leave Italy — to join Switzerland. Southern California, I’m leaving my husband, and I’m moving in!

In France, last weekend’s local elections saw the far-right Front National move to become the country’s third party.

The Mafia makes more money than the EU. I’d love to make a joke to ease the tension, but ugh.

The immigration debate in the UK continues to give those strange UKIP people a platform. Hiss.

The fight against the grey squirrel seems lost. Poor red squirrels, we miss you. Somebody rub some sick children on blankets and give those to the greys!

Two news items from Germany: Immigrant literature has arrived there, too, and is finally being taken seriously. The German language, however, is in need of change to eradicate gender bias. (I’m not going to delve into this here, but let me just say that none of those changes proposed by a British newspaper will work.)

And finally, Ukrainian women will not have sex with Russian men anymore. I’m guessing Russia will be giving away their territories by this time next week. Take that, bear-huggers.

Until next week!

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Karo

Schnazzy East German translator and cricket obsessive residing in England. I have other qualities, too.

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