A lot of bombs are dropped in this episode of Scandal, but let’s start with the actual bomb. In this episode, everybody races against the clock to prevent Fitz from getting blowed up real good.
I’ll Take Bizarre Love Triangles for $1,000, Alex.
We begin the episode with everyone gathered in the OPA offices to discuss how Olivia messed up. Olivia is defiant, thank goodness, and not contrite. She graciously does not point out that it would have been smart for them to have a backup plan — maybe a Mozy account? They all agree that Fitz must be protected.
It’s old home week at OPA, and it makes for some awkwardness, given the presence of the participants in not one, not two, but three love triangles: Rowan-Maya-Dominic, Quinn-Charlie-Huck, and Liv-Jake-Fitz. They all ultimately end horribly, in case you are wondering.
Everybody agrees to look for the fierce, fabulous, and ferocious Maya Pope and her gang of conspirateers. Good luck, I say to that.
Rowan really hates Dominic because he is the only man Maya Pope ever loved. It turns out that the whole Pope marriage was a setup and Dominic and Maya were just using Rowan for his intelligence. Liv does not like to learn that her whole existence hinges on espionage, but she still objects when Rowan kills Dominic, in her office. Once again, someone grabs Liv — this time it’s Huck, who drags her out of the room. Later, Liv chides her dad that wet work shouldn’t be done in her office. How the mighty have fallen, Olivia Pope.
Fitz Puts Everyone at Risk
Meanwhile, Fitz is staying off the campaign trail for security reasons. Finally though, he decides to go to Ohio (Defiance, I believe). Rowan suggests that Liv attend because there is no way Maya will kill Fitz if it means she has to kill Liv. Liv believes it and heads off to sit on the dais while Fitz delivers his campaign speech. Mellie, who is in between them, is drunk and embittered and otherwise being a lot more fun. Things go well, and no bomb goes off, so maybe Maya does love Liv a little.
Eventually the Gang realizes that the bomb was never going to be at the political rally, it was going to be at a state funeral that Fitz was slated to attend the next day.
Love Triangle Number Two Will be Burned on Your Brain
Charlie and Huck have been vying for the title of Best Spy, with the goal of getting Quinn’s attention. Huck wins, and we lose. Folks, that the scene with Quinn and Huck sex-grappling in the parking garage was vomit-inducing.
There is face-squinching,
And face-spitting! He spat on her! HE SPAT ON HER!!!!! HE SPAT ON HER!!!!! I’m sorry I don’t have a picture of that one, but I’m also not sorry at all.
Then they roll around and otherwise bump uglies/make the beast with two backs/pork/whatever unpleasant metaphor or euphemism you want to use. And you will want to use words that convey horror, because it is grotesque. What is it about these people and their oversized tongues? Blech blech blech blech.
Cyrus Beene Gets His Groove Back
One happy moment: Cyrus gets a call saying to keep Fitz away from the funeral. He promises Jake he’ll do it. (Also, did you notice that Jake called Cyrus “sir” during that conversation?) Sure enough, he tells Fitz that the funeral has been delayed and that gives him time to revamp his speech. However, he deliberately fails to warn Sally or Andrew, both of whom will be attending this funeral, and he is damn proud of himself for this. During much of this, Cy has the blissed-out air of newborn baby who has just been fed. There was something so innocent, almost, in his joy. I could almost imagine him skipping through the halls, humming a happy tune. Oh, Cyrus Beene, have I ever loved you more? I think not.
Wait, were you thinking when I said that Cy gets his groove back, that he got some physical lovin’? Oh, you are so naïve. (Although I do think that Cyrus will eventually hook up with the pretty boy intern. He’s overly earnest and cute, with smooth skin — exactly Cy’s type, it seems.)
Jerry’s Dad is Not Revealed
Mellie is in her cups for much of this episode, spewing out her justified hatred for Fitz. (Go drunk Mellie!) One of the things she does is request a DNA test to determine the actual father of her baby Jerry (her son, for those of you who don’t remember — i.e., for all of you). Of course it gets back to Leo, who senses blood and makes a deal with a high school student to retrieve some of Jerry’s DNA. Leo means a toothbrush, but the girl gets it the old-fashioned way, via having sex with Fitz’s under-aged son. Mellie has been saying that she has been keeping this secret for 15 years — does that mean that Jerry is 14 years old? What a gigantic ick that is.
Liv thinks the kids are Andrew’s, and Mellie lets it slip that she has been carrying a terrible burden, and now it’s Fitz’s turn to deal with Big Jerry’s legacy. Liv is horrified, and although I’m not sure she figures out that Mellie was sexually assaulted, she knows something horrible has happened involving Big Jerry and regular Jerry’s paternity. Liv agrees to make this paternity question disappear, but later tells Mellie if Mellie wants the answers, Liv will make it happen. At the end of the episode, it looks like Liv has done just that at Mellie’s request, since Mellie is opening a big envelope that says something like, “Top Secret DNA Results” in 56-point font. (OK, not really, but it might as well.)
And Finally, That Third Love Triangle
If Liv weren’t so anguished, I’d say she was playing Fitz and Jake. She tells them both that she has feelings for them, and otherwise gets all heartfelt. They both remain enthralled with her, and she with them. I, however, feel that no new ground has been covered in a while when it comes to Liv’s relationships. I keep waiting for the next dramatic breakup that doesn’t last so all this earnestness can stop.
Papa Don’t Preach (Because You Have No Air in Your Lungs)
Liv arrives at the office to find that Rowan has been (stabbed? shot?) by Maya. For once, Rowan can’t speak. FOR ONCE. He is whisked off to the hospital. Just watch — he’ll probably be fitted by some special B12 technology that reads his thoughts and translates them into lengthy monologues.
And Then There Was One
Next week is the last episode of the season. It looks like Andrew gets blown up real good, but how about Sally? Leo? Will Mellie tell Fitz about her rape, and if she does, will it be because she wants to mess with his head and otherwise poison his mind? Tune in next week and we’ll find out.