P-Mag Pop Culture Horoscope: Law & Order Edition

Feeling confused, lost, or in need of guidance? Look not to the stars in the sky, my friends, but to those on your TV and movie screens, and see which of the women in the Law & Order universe should be your inspiration this week.


Taurus (April 20 to May 20)

Photograph of actress Tamara Tunie as Melinda Warner on TV show Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
M. E. Melinda Warner

Everyone needs something from you this week, Taurus, and they need it fast. Take a page from the book of medical examiner Melinda Warner and keep your good humor intact and don’t be afraid to tell those who are pushing you far that they’ll get what they need when you get to it. You’ve got it coming at you from all directions, so don’t hesitate to take a few minutes to find some peace and quiet for yourself, although you don’t need to go to the morgue to find it. I hope.


Gemini (May 21 to June 20)

Screenshot of actress Carey Lowell as Jamie Ross on TV show Law & Order
ADA Jamie Ross

Let your sense of right and wrong guide you this week, Gemini. Your ethics may be in conflict with those around you, maybe even your boss, but stick to your guns and don’t compromise just to make someone else happy. This might be a week for tough decisions, but you know in your gut what’s right for you, so if you need to re-prioritize your time, be assured that what you think is the right choice probably is.


Cancer (June 21 to July 22)

Screenshot of Dianne Wiest as Nora Lewin on TV show Law & Order.
DA Nora Lewin

Cancer, you are HBIC this week, but don’t forget that those who come to you for advice and guidance might need more of a gentle hand and a kind word. You may find yourself an unwitting mentor, but don’t be intimidated. You know what you’re doing, and you have the ability to show others the way. You just have to take charge and tell them what’s what, and you’re no stranger to that.


 Leo (July 23 to August 22)

Screenshot of actress Diane Neal as Casey Novak on TV show Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.
ADA Casey Novak

Feeling a little misunderstood and underappreciated this week, Leo? You may be following in some big footsteps, leaving you feeling like runner-up in the popularity contest. That’s OK, though, since it’s not about who likes you more, it’s about whether or not you’re good at what you do. And even if you change hairstyles as often as your shoes, it doesn’t mean you aren’t competent and capable. You just need to put your foot down and charge through a sea of strong personalities who may not always agree with you.


 Virgo (August 23 to September 22)

Publicity photo of actress Angie Harmon as Abbie Carmichael on TV show Law & Order
ADA Abbie Carmichael

Virgo, being strong-willed isn’t a bad thing, but try being a little flexible in matters where you find yourself the only one in dissent. Don’t compromise your morals (unless, like Abbie here, your politics lean way too conservative, in which case, let’s talk about that, shall we?), but just be a little more willing to listen to other viewpoints before you shut them down. Compromise isn’t always a dirty word; sometimes it can help you get where you’re going a little bit faster and more easily, and makes things a little smoother with those around you.


Libra (September 23 to October 22)

Photograph of actress S. Epatha Merkerson as Anita Van Buren on TV show Law & Order.
Lt. Anita Van Buren

Libra, do not take any shit from anyone this week. You have a lot to juggle, and you can’t let other people’s petty nonsense distract you. You’re solving problems left and right, even the small stuff that people should be able to figure out themselves. Someone screws up on your watch? Deal with the problem at hand and figure out how to fix it without losing momentum. You’re in charge of keeping a lot of different people and personalities running smoothly. Figure out what’s important to deal with, and what can be dismissed like misbehaving children (or detectives).


Scorpio (October 23 to November 21)

Screenshot of actress Kathryn Erbe as Alex Eames on TV show Law & Order: Criminal Intent
Det. Alex Eames

People are always underestimating you, Scorpio, and you should use that to your fullest advantage. You may be overshadowed by your showier and often more obnoxious partner, but what people sometimes fail to realize is that you have all those skills and abilities; you just go about it a little more quietly. If you find yourself in a sticky situation, you don’t sit around waiting for the cavalry to rescue you. You look around, formulate a plan, and rescue your damn self. And that is always what makes you so incredibly awesome, even if you don’t get the accolades.


Sagittarius (November 22 to December 21)

Screenshot of actress Jill Hennessey as Claire Kincaid on TV show Law & Order
ADA Claire Kincaid

Idealism isn’t always a bad thing, Sagittarius. You may find yourself becoming a little disillusioned with how the world is as compared to how you want it to be, but you know what you believe, and you aren’t afraid to be more than a little outspoken about it. You mean a lot to the people around you, even though you may not know it right away. You’re always willing to help a friend in need, even if it’s to your own detriment. Just be careful that your self-sacrificing doesn’t come at too great a cost.


Capricorn (December 22 to January 19)

Picture of actress Mariska Hargitay as Olivia Benson on TV show Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Det. Olivia Benson (She’s a sergeant now, but this picture is from her 14 seasons of being a detective.)

Capricorn, this week be careful that you’re not Taking!It!Personally! all day, every day. That level of being engaged in other people’s problems can be draining on you, and you need to make sure that you’re spending as much time focusing on you and your own well-being as you spend on others’. That doesn’t mean you should disengage entirely; just take a little time to figure out where your lines are, and take a few extra precautions to protect yourself from getting drawn into other people’s issues.


Aquarius (January 20 to February 18)

Screenshot of actress Stephanie March as Alex Cabot on TV show Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.
ADA Alex Cabot

You have a devoted group of people around you, Aquarius. They look to you for guidance, and even when they disagree, they still take your word as law. Sometimes, we don’t know how appreciated we are until it’s too late, so make sure you’re looking to see the signs of love and appreciation in those around you, even if they don’t come right out and say it. While some get second (and third) chances at resurrecting the lives they thought they had to leave behind, we aren’t all that lucky, so appreciate what you have while you have it.


Pisces (February 19 to March 20)

Screenshot of actress Alana de la Garza as Connie Rubirosa on TV show Law & Order.
ADA Connie Rubirosa

Pisces, you’ve come a long way in the world, and you’ve emerged feeling even stronger about those issues that affect you and those you care about, and you aren’t afraid to speak up about them. That’s a great trait to explore this week. If you feel you’re being steamrollered or taken advantage of, stand up and object and make your feelings perfectly clear. If others try to manipulate your actions, your intuition will steer you in the right direction. Listen to it.


Aries (March 21 to April 19)

Screenshot of actress Michelle Hurd as Monique Jeffries on TV show Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Det. Monique Jeffries

You may have a close call with danger this week, Aries, but you’ll come out OK. Just remember, though, that it doesn’t make you invincible or indestructible. Don’t let your good judgment get clouded by the euphoria of having come out on top. Keeping a level head is especially important, and remember that adrenaline-fueled choices rarely lead to good outcomes in the long-term. It’s up to you whether or not they’re worth it.


 

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[E] Rachel

I punctuate sentences with Oxford commas, and I punctuate disagreements with changesocks. Proud curmudgeon. Get off my lawn.

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