After a two-week break, Bones is back with the first of the final two episodes of Season 9.
A mother finds skeletal remains at the bottom of a wishing well. The reason she found them is because she first tried to get her young daughter to climb down in the well in order to pretend to be lost so the police could come and rescue her and they could get on the news. Yes, that happened. Did the mother get arrested for, oh I don’t know, putting her child in danger for shits and giggles? No idea, because she was never mentioned again. For all we know, she’s out having drinks with Mama Booth. I’m sure they’re best buds.
Anyway, the skeleton belonged to Brian Thomas, a community college swimming coach. Brian’s wife is shocked and appalled that anyone would want to murder him because he was a wonderful man and they loved each other very much, even though they never saw each other because she was a nurse who worked nights and he was the aforementioned coach.
In his day job, Brian made a few enemies at school by reporting students for misconduct. Sweets and Brennan visit the pool to conduct interviews, in the process, they follow the pointing fingers to a female coach who, they are told, was always hanging around Brian. When she’s brought in for questioning, Coach pinkie swears that she and Brian weren’t having an affair but says that he was probably sleeping around with someone else because she found evidence (a gaudy earring and the smell of perfume) in his car.
As it turns out, those things belonged to Brian. He filled his night-time hours by performing at a drag club, Madam’s Apple (love that name) under the stage name Jenny. Booth and Brennan take a trip to the club, and in talking to the other performers, they find out that one of them, Destiny, is upset because Jenny took over her prime time slot. Destiny says that Jenny was in a fight a few weeks back but it wasn’t with her. Angela finds video footage from a conveniently placed convenience store camera and on the film, Jenny can be seen engaging in fisticuffs with a guy in a plumber’s van. A trace of the van’s license plates brings in another suspect.
Plumber Dude admits to fighting with Jenny but not to killing her. He was a regular at Madam’s Apple, and a big tipper who favored Jenny. When he saw suspicious charges on his credit card, he accused Jenny of the crime. She didn’t take it well, hence the brawl in the alley. Jenny actually was innocent of that crime but not so another of the performers, who confesses to using the club’s wifi to hack into Plumber Dude’s account.
Identity theft isn’t murder, though, and after Brennan et. al. find out Brian was shot while in the pool, we go back to the college. Brennan realizes that a swimmer she’d thought had hearing problems because of the water was actually suffering from bone damage in his ear caused by the amplification of the gunshot noise by the water. Swimmer Guy Who Doesn’t Hear So Good was just out of the army and trying to get to a four-year college but took the easy road by cheating. Brian found out, so before the coach could turn him in, Swimmer Guy killed him.
Booth and Brennan
Booth is busy prepping for his appearance in front of the congressional subcommittee that will approve (or not) the promotion he didn’t want but now does want on the base in Germany, so he passes off most of the case work to Sweets, who has been angling for more responsibility.
Brennan’s job this week is mostly to make WTF eyes at the new intern. Speaking of . . .
There’s a new intern. She’s basically Daisy with a braid instead of a ponytail.
Bonus points to Bones because someone realized there are scientists who have ovaries.
And now take back all those bonus points from Bones because the new intern ends up in bed with Sweets. Seriously? Can someone get the writers a subscription to match.com or something? OKCupid? I hear JDate is popular. At this point, I’d settle for Zoosk. Anything to get them out of the fucking lab, for crying out loud. No pun intended.