Remember how I was going to start an amazing media project, live an awesome life in our awesome apartment, and take the US by a storm of awesomeness? Yeah. So, about that: the USA consulate doesn’t trust me. And now my boyfriend’s over there and I’m still here (and worse: “here” is back at my parents’ place).
The first time my visa application as foreign media associate was rejected, I was incredibly sad. I was ready to take on this adventure AND I’d been without my boyfriend for almost three weeks. How could they do this to me? But okay, there were several reasons they could. I took those reasons to heart and started over. They wanted paperwork, they would get paperwork.
The first chance for an interview was a month later. Six weeks without my boyfriend, six weeks back at my parents. I love all of them, but with my boyfriend I somehow feel more comfortable to be me first and Freckle-the-daughter second.
The second rejection blew me out of the water. I had plans, goals and an apartment in the USA waiting for me. I seriously started missing my boyfriend’s presence, touch and voice. But most of all, I realized I miss the person I am around him.
My parents are wonderful and my mother especially recognizes that I’m a grown up with her own ideas and schedule. It’s great to wake up to our happy dog every day and hey, at least I have a paying job here.
But the thing is, I have done all this before. Job, living with parents, seeing boyfriend only on the weekends (through Skype). I want to evolve, I want the adventure, but most of all, right now I just want a hug from my boyfriend.
I know this is the 21th century. We can communicate in many ways, travel takes only a day and it doesn’t require a pot of gold. So it’s insecurity as well that’s crippling me. What do you do when you have to drastically revisit your plans? And what do you do to keep sane and rational, while your sappy side is just humming, “Ain’t no mountain high enough”? Maybe this all is just part of the personal evolution I’m looking for. But I still want that hug.