Things I Will Never Do

As a rule, I don’t DIY.  In fact, when a friend got married I told her I would do anything to help her, but I couldn’t be expected to DIY anything.  Because I am pretty bad at it.

Nevertheless, I am a Pinterest addict. I tell people it’s because I love finding new recipes and funny pictures related to Doctor Who, but it’s all a lie. I pin an absurd number of cool DIY things. I look at these things and go, “I could do that,” and then I pin them to my DIY board.

But let’s be honest, “I could do that,” means I never, ever will. Here are some cool things I will never actually DIY:

(Pictures are linked.  They are ALL WORTH IT.  I was advised to take my own pictures to use so that we can stay within the bounds of legality here at P-Mag, but again, I am never going to do these things myself.)

This awesome pallet patio furniture

In theory, a cool idea! But where does one get all these pallets people are making things with? And I’m pretty sure mine would look really crappy.

This doggie pool/fire pit

The boyfriend and I are obsessed with this idea for our future home. Because the kiddie pool sits IN THE GROUND, surrounded by paving stones, once those hot summer months are over, you pull it out, and have a nice fire pit.  Just one problem, though.  Our dog hates water. She looks at you with pure hate if she steps in a puddle. Why we are SURE we need a pool for her? I have no freaking idea.

These fruit-filled ice cubes

I have this idea in my mind that I will bring pitchers of drinks out to my well-dressed friends on my beautifully landscaped back patio while the dogs and children (that NONE OF US HAVE) play around us. I am always perfectly preppily dressed in these fantasies in clothes I don’t even like and pearls I don’t even own. That fantasy is where these ice cubes belong. We all laugh beautifully, and no one snorts.  In case you’re wondering, I have no idea why I’m a Stepford Wife in all of my fantasy.

These gorgeous bookshelves

They’re just CRATES.  From Jo-Ann Fabric! That someone stained and tied together with twine for stability. They are beautiful and rustic looking and would both hold and display my  many books. I would buy these crates and then they would sit in a garage for years, never getting stained or put together into a bookshelf. I would just end up buying one from a big box store when I went, “Hey, remember those crates?  I have no idea where I put those. I need a bookshelf now.”

These clever temporary wall treatments

I am a terrible decorator. Just so bad at it. Even I can admit these are clever ideas to make your house more homey, and they’re not even hard. Except that I would never get the lines straight, or run out of pennies, or have the pictures sliding off the shelves, or my fabric would be too short, etc.  I better just stick to giant posters of David Tennant. That’s all the decorating I’m cut out for.

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amandamarieg

Amandamarieg is a lawyer who does not work as a lawyer. She once wrote up a plan to take over the world and turned it in as a paper for a college course. She only received an A-, because she forgot that she would need tech geeks to pull off her scheme.

6 thoughts on “Things I Will Never Do”

  1. I am totally not a DIY person, my husband on the other hand…

    He wants to build furniture for the house. Make all of the art work. Then there’s the backyard. We’re overhauling it-just the two of us. God help me.

    P.S. Those crate bookshelves are awesome.

  2. I LOVE the dog pond. Off to the Home Depot! (not really, I think I’d need a jackhammer and I’m totally not qualified to use one of those) And Daisy may not like water, but in the future you may have a dog that loves water and you need to be ready!

    I think I should start my own business: Rachel’s Justification of Wackadoo Projects

    1. That’s the THING! You just need a shovel, a pool, and some nice paving stones from the hardware! (So you can put it off to the side of your patio, really.)

      And I wrote this two weeks ago, but over the weekend, the dog jumped into the local reservoir accidentally. After she figured out how to get out, she jumped back in. I assume because it was cool, and also she keeps hunting for the giant crawdads that live in Southern Indiana.

      1. Nah-I’d need a jackhammer so I can put it where the ugly concrete pad is.

        One of my dogs has figured out the whole “if I’m hot and I get into the water, I won’t be as hot” thing. Plus, apparently the water several feet from shore tastes better. The other dog is like “ewwww… I’m weeeetttttt!” I have been known to shove him into the lake when I feel he’s getting overheated. This may be part of the reason that he’s husband’s responsibility to walk :)

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