My wife and I pulled out one of our annual Halloween rituals recently: we watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show. We both love the movie, and by love, I mean we will do the call backs and throw popcorn even if it’s just the two of us. We started talking about who we would cast if we were to remake the movie today. VH1 had a celebrity-filled 25th Anniversary Special and that was kind of our jumping off point. I started tweeting who I thought would make awesome choices.
1. Dr. Frank N. Furter- Idris Elba
This just came from my desire to see Mr. Elba in fishnets and heels. He spawned the list in a lot of ways as he was the first person I thought of. He can sing and he continues the tradition of British actors playing our lovely “Sweet Transvestite” from Transsexual Transylvania. He would bring a lot of gravitas to the role and I think would make Tim Curry proud.
2. Janet Weiss- Brie Larson
Ever since I watched the first season of The United States of Tara, Brie Larson has stuck out to me as someone who is awesome. She also has released music so she can definitely sing. I imagine a bit more of a sarcastic Janet but one still with that twinge of innocence. This isn’t Clash at Demonhead, it’s more a simple battle of purity vs. seduction. I am very curious to hear her sing “Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me.”
3. Brad Majors- Donald Glover
The Childish Gambino himself, Donald too has an air of asshole innocence about him. He wanted to play Peter Parker, who is, like, the definition of innocence. I also imagine he would have great chemistry with Brie Larson. I think imagining Troy as Brad is a great pleasure.
4. Magenta- Rashida Jones
Rashida actually appeared on the Rocky Horror VH1 special. She sang”I Can Make You A Man” and it was OK. I know her voice would better be suited for a role like Magenta, and I think she would slay the role.
5. Riff Raff- Aziz Ansari
Frankly, I just think Aziz has great chemistry with Rashida. They were great together on Parks and Recreation. I do not even know if he can actually sing, but it’s Rocky Horror, so the ability to sing is not necessary to succeed in a role. I just want to see him do “The Time Warp.” He can also play a good creep so he is made for this role.
6. Columbia- Scarlett Johansson
We know she can pull off red hair. We know she looks cute in pretty much anything. Do you remember her album with Pete Yorn? I do because it was really fucking good. She probably could go the full Zooey if she wasn’t an Avenger. Plus, I like the idea of her hooking up with my new Eddie.
7. Rocky- Chris Hemsworth
Thor. Abs. Blond. Hotness. Apparently he can just sing well enough.
8. Eddie- Carrie Brownstein
If anyone has seen her recently, she is fucking gorgeous and awesome. She has always been the “butchy” one of Sleater-Kinney. Yes, I know I have been obsessed lately. Carrie’s dress shirt and slacks in the “You’re No Rock and Roll Fun” video is somewhat how I imagine Eddie being in this version. Or maybe a leather jacket and those pants. Carrie can play guitar on “Hot Patootie.”
9. Dr. Everett Scott- Barry Bostwick
Why not bring back one of the few people who absolutely love being in Rocky Horror? It would be a neat call back to the original.
10. The Criminologist- Meatloaf
And bringing back a second former cast member for this role is just as good.
I am sure this will definitely be a chatty piece because everyone has opinions. I know some people would never like a remake. I am very curious to hear your casting choices, readers.