Being organized is difficult in the best of circumstances. When your ass is owned by your employer for the equivalent of two people per week, organization can become a huge challenge.
Worry not, fellow workaholics, I’m here with a list of surefire tricks and techniques to keep your life running like a well-oiled machine.
10. It’s time to outsource.
If you’ve got kids, you’ve got this covered. You don’t even have to pay them. If Lil Junior can pull himself up on the ottoman, Lil Junior can pull himself up by his bootstraps. I’ve got cats, so my options are more limited. As soon as I teach one to cook, I’ll be set.
9. It’s not dust, it’s life glitter.
It’s all about perspective, especially when one is so tired one can’t even see through the haze on one’s eyeballs. Shift your paradigms. The dishes aren’t dirty, they’re underclean. It’s not that you don’t have any clean underpants because there’s never time for laundry, it’s an opportunity to go commando, like all the kids do these days.
8. Clear out your contacts.
This one is simple. Most of your friends and family will give up after you miss your second birthday/holiday/coffee time/shower, suddenly all the time you used to waste on human interaction and basic socialization is yours again.
7. Buy caffeinated products like coffee and energy drinks online in bulk.
You can put them in the pantry and fridge where the food used to go when you had time to go to the grocery store/cook/eat.
6. Learn to multitask.
Ask your creditors and utility companies to provide your bills as audio books, so you can listen and laugh on your commute.
5. Only pick fights with your S.O. when you’re hangry, exhausted, or feeling under-appreciated.
This one is a huge time saver, as you’ll have ten fights in one.
4. Speaking of books, it’s important to make time to read.
This time will likely be while you’re on the toilet. More multitasking!
3. Ditch those awkward calendars and planners.
This simple flow chart is all you need:
Are you awake?
- Yes: You are at work.
- No: You probably can not read this flowchart.
2. If you have a smartphone, utilize the Siri or Siri-like companion inside.
“Siri, where’s the nearest florist?”
“Siri, how bad is it to only get four hours of sleep a night?”
“Siri, what about 3?”
“Siri, if you care about me at all you will get out of that phone and bring me a cocktail like a real fucking friend.”
Siri doesn’t judge.
1. Remember that the best gift you can give is yourself.
All this hard work you’re doing now is probably making someone else who doesn’t know you from the Queen of England very, very wealthy. So while you’re trying to watch The Good Wife five minutes at a time while juggling life chores, the needs of those you care about, and your ability finish a sentence, take a moment to pat yourself on the back for making sure that neither you nor the increasingly wealthy person whose life is enriched by your back-breaking commitment will outlive your money.