The Official Persephone Holiday Drinking Game

Break out the ‘nog.

Welcome, holiday pals. As we all know, being forced to spend an entire day locked in with unknown numbers of relatives, distant and close, is trying* no matter how many presents you get out of the deal. If your family is anything like my own, there will be booze flowing freely. So let’s make it interesting.

A picture from "Christmas Vacation" of Clark saying "Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?"Take a drink every time:

  • You hear the phrase “war on Christmas” or “keep the Christ in Christmas.” (Finish your drink if someone was deeply offended by being wished a “happy holidays.”)
  • Someone repeats a line from A Christmas Story, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, or any other heavily-quoted holiday film.
  • You see the same scene of A Christmas Story more than once during the 24-hour marathon.
  • It’s a Wonderful Life is on TV.
  • Miracle on 34th Street is on TV. (Take two drinks if it’s the crappy remake. Finish your drink if it’s the weird colorized version.)
  • An elderly male relative falls asleep in front of the TV (finish your drink if he’s snoring).
  • The mother of the host starts backseat cooking.
  • You have to hear about the evils of Obamacare.
  • Something something immigrants are taking our jobs something something.
  • Someone says something racist. (Finish your drink if you hear “those people,” “thug,” “this isn’t about race,” or “ALL lives matter.”)
  • Someone tells you to lighten up for pointing out that something is racist.
  • A male relative mansplains you. (Finish your drink if it’s about a subject you are highly educated in.)
  • You check your phone and are subjected to a rant about those damn millennials and their devices.
  • A relative puts the incorrect last name on your card (especially if you’re a married woman who didn’t change her name).
  • Someone asks you why you’re still single.
  • Someone asks when you’re going to get a “real” job.
  • You hear the word “calorie.”
  • A relative asks if you really need to eat that. (Actually, finish your drink, then get a second piece of pie.)
  • Two words: drunk grandma.
  • One drink for every person in an ugly Christmas sweater.

*Not you, mom and dad.

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[E] Liza

PhD student. Knitter. Brooklynite. Long-distance dog mom. Reluctant cat lady. Majestic unicorn whose hair changes color with the wind.

7 thoughts on “The Official Persephone Holiday Drinking Game”

  1. I work in retail. The very first bullet point would have had me unconscious within my first December shift. I, personally, am looking forward to spending all day Thursday in my pajamas, catching up on Netflix. The joy of not celebrating Christmas: nothing’s open (I live in Catholic-land; even our Chinese restaurants are closed), but there’s a whole day I’m guaranteed off and I can spend it sleeping.

  2. I’ll drink every time someone wrings their hands about me being ALL ALONE for Christmas. I WANT TO BE WITH THE CATS. THEY LET ME WEAR SWEATPANTS AND I DON’T NEED A BRA. IS THAT SO WRONG.

    And any time someone posts on Christmas Eve/Christmas Day about the True Meaning of Christmas, and how Family Is The Most Important Part, and Happy Birthday Jesus, and You Can’t Possibly Be Happy If You’re Alone For Christmas So Come To My House Because I Am Alone And Miserable And If You’re Here I’ll At Least Not Be Alone (But Still Miserable)*.

    *Dude from the student veterans group. Always goes on about how WE ALL KNOW that the holidays are HARD and we need to BE TOGETHER. And is so deep in his own worldview and religiopolitical beliefs that nothing else can be a topic of conversation. (My excuse this time around is “I’m still fighting a cold”.)

  3. Tea Party-ish FIL made a comment about blah-blah Democrats somethingsomething both parties suck. I kept my mouth shut, then told him that I promised Husband that I wouldn’t get into a political argument. But if I get bored, I may have to toss out some pro-union propaganda.

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