The Top Ten Reasons My Kids Have Been Crying

There is a reason “Reasons my son is crying” is such a successful and hilarious blog concept: It’s all true. Small children melt down over a lot of things. The few times I’m not annoyed with the little blighters for being unreasonable, I catch myself envying them the joy of letting it all out. There are at least twelve situations each week that make me want to shout and tear my hair out, so fair play to you, kids.

Here are the top ten moments my kids have lost it for the silliest reasons. I’m sure I’ll remember them for much longer than their first smiles or steps.

  1. Two matchbox cars stuck to a miniature plane with rubber bands do not align properly! He might be an engineer one day and solve this to his satisfaction. A million toddlers will thank him.
  2. I want to watch this television program from the BEGINNING! This is the only reason catch-up services were invented. Explaining to a two-year-old how television programming works will get you nowhere.
  3. This potato chip is broken! I demand an unbroken potato chip. If all the potato chips are broken, I will hold my breath until I get a fresh pack.
  4. I don’t want it to rain! Nobody does, dude. Nobody does.
  5. I don’t want to die! This is the time to be upbeat about average life expectancies while a little part of your heart gets crushed.
  6. The soup I loved yesterday does not taste the same today! I hate it and you lot are starving me. What have I ever done to you???
  7. It’s not Christmas/my birthday yet! I can’t wait! I will die in the process!!!
  8. I don’t want our house to be number 7, I like the number 8! We’re not moving, and that’s final.
  9. I can’t lick my butt like the cat does! When you think about it, it is frustrating to be outdone by a small animal that licks its own butt.
  10. I will never be able to breastfeed! The day we had to break that to our two-year-old son was a dark day in number 7.

What has caused dangerous meltdowns in your house? Let me know in the comments!

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Schnazzy East German translator and cricket obsessive residing in England. I have other qualities, too.

8 thoughts on “The Top Ten Reasons My Kids Have Been Crying”

  1. When it comes to kid meltdowns, I always think of the time my daughter completely lost her 2 yr old mind because I wouldn’t let her eat the FROZEN dino-shaped chicken nuggets we’d just bought. Full-on screaming, refusing to get into her car-seat, all that. After (over-optimistically) trying to reason with her, I just had to let her finish flipping out in the backseat while we sat in the BELOW ZERO WEATHER in the parking lot until she got down to a whimper, and then I could get her at least into her car seat.

  2. My son narrowly missed the deadline for this article this morning. He had a 15-minute tantrum about wanting to eat “animal cinnamon”, and none of us could figure out what he meant. We still don’t know. But at least he’s stopped crying.

  3. I once watched a three year old have a meltdown over a carrot she didn’t want to eat. It was just that carrot. She loves carrots. She ate the other two. But she was DONE with carrots. DONE. SHE WANTED SOME CHEESE. After her timeout was over, I slipped her an extra chocolate bunny cookie. Because I’m not actually related to these people, just dating in, so I live on the edge.

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