The UfYH Guide to Spring Cleaning for Actual People

Daylight Saving Time has returned, and we’re (theoretically) well into spring. Personally, I find it hard to welcome spring when there’s still a pile of plowed snow on the ground and we had flurries just a few days ago, but the calendar says it’s spring, so we’ll go with that. With the advent of spring comes the truly obnoxious concept of “spring cleaning.” While I understand that some people really want to do some seasonally-appropriate cleaning up, the whole spring cleaning business has gotten totally out of hand.

Case in point: Martha Stewart’s Spring Cleaning Guide. This handy three-page infographic contains a number of tasks that Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia™ thinks are necessary for completing once the snow melts and the sun is shining. “Reseal grout lines.” “Dust refrigerator coils.” “Polish metal door and window hardware.” Are you fucking kidding me?

While I’m sure that there are people out there who bust out the screen-patching kits and hand-buffed floor wax once March is upon us, they don’t live in my world. The rest of us are still muddling through basic household maintenance, and frankly, adding in a bunch of graduate-level housekeeping tasks is enough to throw you right off your game. So, in that spirit, I give you The UfYH Guide to Spring Cleaning for Actual People.

Checklist of spring cleaning tasks.

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[This post originally appeared in March 2014]

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[E] Rachel

I punctuate sentences with Oxford commas, and I punctuate disagreements with changesocks. Proud curmudgeon. Get off my lawn.

One thought on “The UfYH Guide to Spring Cleaning for Actual People”

  1. We’ve been sort of spring cleaning and realising that there are things we need to do more than once a season: the detergent drawer on the washing machine, the condenser on the tumble drier, the drains. I managed to clog the drain whilst trying to unclog it.

    But yes, my main seasonal resolution (I’m oddly kind of proud of this) is now that I have my dish washing routine down, is to PUT THE DISHES AWAY! It’s been kind of revolutionary. I may have even danced round the kitchen once or twice.

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