Everything is Terrible During Allergy Season

In celebration of spring in all its beauty and glory, here are some things you cannot do because of allergy season.

Visit any cherry blossom festival

Obvious, but true. Just scroll through Instagram and pretend you were there.

See the Frida Kahlo exhibit at the New York Botanical Garden

Wait for summertime.

Take advantage of free tickets from your job to a Yankees game

See above, pray for more free things.


Another obvious one, but seriously don’t do.

Eat “al fresco”

Continuation of the previous one, but also includes drinking on a rooftop in Brooklyn, no matter how much of a thing that may be.

Walk to the subway

Who knew there were so many trees in NYC?


Everyone on public transportation will look at you disdainfully as you pull out another crumpled tissue and shove it up your nose.

Take a walk

You don’t need exercise.

Open your windows

Don’t contaminate your bubble.

Clean your room

"Your rooms looks like a teenage boy's room" - My roommate on my current living situation.
“Your rooms looks like a teenage boy’s room” – My roommate on my current living situation.

Wear makeup

You could do this, but waterproof everything like you’re patio furniture.

Have a period

Heavy flow + rapid fire sneezing = bring backup pants.

Go to the dentist

You may be overdue for an appointment but you may also lose the ability to breathe.

Brush your teeth

Sure you want to avoid the previous thing, but at what cost?

Chew with your mouth closed

Bonus points if you go for food that needs to be aerated like wine. Try an all wine diet.


I want to express joy but I want my chest to not explode.

Breathe through your nose

Mouth breathers of the world, stand up and be counted.


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Karishma is a twenty-something living in New York City and is trying her hardest to live out every cliche about Millennials. This involves eating her feelings, drowning in debt and mocking infomercials. She likes sociology so much that she has two degrees in it, and is still warding off her parents' questions about a real career.

2 thoughts on “Everything is Terrible During Allergy Season”

  1. THE TISSUES! That is so fabulously funny! I have a mild dust allergy and that can pretty much be the scene when things start to get bad. Also: that joy that is asking your husband for antihistamines because you’re crying and sneezing uncontrollably.

    So: all the sympathies!

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