In celebration of spring in all its beauty and glory, here are some things you cannot do because of allergy season.
Visit any cherry blossom festival
Obvious, but true. Just scroll through Instagram and pretend you were there.
See the Frida Kahlo exhibit at the New York Botanical Garden
Wait for summertime.
Take advantage of free tickets from your job to a Yankees game
See above, pray for more free things.
Picnic
Another obvious one, but seriously don’t do.
Eat “al fresco”
Continuation of the previous one, but also includes drinking on a rooftop in Brooklyn, no matter how much of a thing that may be.
Walk to the subway
Who knew there were so many trees in NYC?
Commute
Everyone on public transportation will look at you disdainfully as you pull out another crumpled tissue and shove it up your nose.
Take a walk
You don’t need exercise.
Open your windows
Don’t contaminate your bubble.
Clean your room
Wear makeup
You could do this, but waterproof everything like you’re patio furniture.
Have a period
Heavy flow + rapid fire sneezing = bring backup pants.
Go to the dentist
You may be overdue for an appointment but you may also lose the ability to breathe.
Brush your teeth
Sure you want to avoid the previous thing, but at what cost?
Chew with your mouth closed
Bonus points if you go for food that needs to be aerated like wine. Try an all wine diet.
Laugh
I want to express joy but I want my chest to not explode.
Breathe through your nose
Mouth breathers of the world, stand up and be counted.
Oh good gods, dentist visits when you’re clogged up. And the dentist starts asking questions and you just communicate through drooling.
THE TISSUES! That is so fabulously funny! I have a mild dust allergy and that can pretty much be the scene when things start to get bad. Also: that joy that is asking your husband for antihistamines because you’re crying and sneezing uncontrollably.
So: all the sympathies!