Please Leave Your Vagina Alone

Usually I can easily ignore the rambling of “Nature’s Children” like Shailene Woodley, Gwyneth Paltrow and the like. But after GOOP/Paltrow’s tip about steaming your vagina, well, I steamed all right. From my ears.

Even if you would consider hot air near your nether regions because the lady of embroidered initials underwear said so, there was a quick debunk  from people better acquainted with vaginas and their health (don’t steam your vagina, please don’t). But debunks are always less noticed than the original message, so we might have to deal with people considering steaming their vagina.

And here I was thinking that Jennifer Love Hewitt and her vajazzling was the worst thing you could do to your crotch. Where are all the male celebrities with dumb ideas about body parts when you need them? James Franco, please invent a fancy-foreskin-fabricator (it can be Franco’s Fancy Foreskin Fabricator (FFFF), boom!).

There’s no such thing because unlike cootie-covered vaginas, penises are clean, ivory towers, so pure that they can’t be touched by dirt. Let society take care of the idea that we’re the dirty ones, instead of getting some pesky biology facts involved. It’s how we have always done things, after all (be glad we don’t have to disappear into a shed during menstruation anymore!).

The thing giving room to vagina-steaming, douches, perfumed pads and other nonsense is lack of knowledge. Dear GOOP and all those similarly affected: read up on your cooch. Get friendly with your vagina’s needs and dislikes. And keep the steamer for clothes.

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freckle [M]

Freckle can't decide between writing fact or fiction, so she does both, on a very regular basis, and sometimes even for money.