The Shittiest Princess and the Three Ghosties, Part Two

The Shittiest Princess is a series of funny fairy tales for those of us who ain’t exactly cartoon princesses. Stay tuned for a new adventure every week!  You can find the whole series here.

Part one of this exciting story is here!  And now… on to PART DEUX.

A knock knock knock sounded on Princess Poot’s chamber door in the dead of night.

“Um, Princess Poot?” said a male voice. “Please be dressed,” he added.

Poot rushed to the door to hear the guard more clearly. “There’s a visitor here to see you? Says she’s the Ghost of Princess Present, which checks out because she’s, um, sliming me.” Read More The Shittiest Princess and the Three Ghosties, Part Two

The Shittiest Princess and the Three Ghosties, Part One

The Shittiest Princess is a series of funny fairy tales for those of us who ain’t exactly cartoon princesses. Stay tuned for a new adventure every week!  You can find the whole series here.

Once upon a fortnight dreary, Princess Poot wandered, weak and weary. It had been the shittiest two weeks of the shittiest princess’s life, and that counts the time she’d tried to join Kingdomville’s roller derby team, Women Who Are Awesomer Than You. Read More The Shittiest Princess and the Three Ghosties, Part One

The Shittiest Princess and the Friendzone

The Shittiest Princess is a series of funny fairy tales for those of us who ain’t exactly cartoon princesses. Stay tuned for a new adventure every week!  You can find the whole series here.

In the dankest depths of the darkest month of the year, Blorgvember, happened the most horrid holiday this side of a dirty cat butt: Valentine’s Day. Everything awful in Kingdomville occurred in Blorgvember, unless you were Princess Poot, the shittiest princess, who experienced Eeyore-levels of downpour all year. Her peers once mock-elected her Mayor of Loserville, but the surprisingly-haughty citizens of Loserville didn’t want her any more than the Kingdomvillains did.

Read More The Shittiest Princess and the Friendzone

Prince Agnes and the Princely Palooza Pleasure Party

The Shittiest Princess is a series of funny fairy tales for those of us who ain’t exactly cartoon princesses. Stay tuned for a new adventure every week!  You can find the whole series here.

There once was a friend-wife named Agnes… who hated Limericks. Agnes had married Princess Poot of Kingdomville in exchange for the title of prince and a salary of fifteen kegs of beer a day, even though Poot was a very shitty princess. Well, by conventional standards, and according to the UN Committee on the Peaceful Uses of Outer Space. Read More Prince Agnes and the Princely Palooza Pleasure Party

The Shittiest Princess and the Cutting of the Cheese

The Shittiest Princess is a series of funny fairy tales for those of us who ain’t exactly cartoon princesses. Stay tuned for a new adventure every week!  You can find the whole series here.

In a kinder, gentler time, when beheadings were family events, there was born a glorious princess to the kingdom of Kingdomville on a very auspicious day. That’s the way the story of Princess Poot would have begun if she’d popped out on the 31st of Blonduary and not the 1st of Blorgvember. Read More The Shittiest Princess and the Cutting of the Cheese

The Shittiest Princess and the Tentacled Talent

The Shittiest Princess is a series of funny fairy tales for those of us who ain’t exactly cartoon princesses. Stay tuned for a new adventure every week! You can find the first story here.

Back in the days of Yore (“Yore” being a demonic cheerleader from the third circle of damnation sent to bedevil people who use numbers as letters), there lived Princess Poot. She was a very shitty princess. Read More The Shittiest Princess and the Tentacled Talent

The Shittiest Princess and the Twelve-Toed Suitor

The Shittiest Princess is a series of funny fairy tales for those of us who ain’t exactly cartoon princesses. Stay tuned for a new adventure every week!

Once upon a time, when men were men and women were property, there lived a very shitty princess. Verily, she was the shittiest princess in the seven kingdoms, and in the three kingdoms beyond them. She was worse than even the most terrible royal in that weird duchy that celebrated Christmas all year ’round. It took a month to pry the tinsel out of your sensitive parts after a visit to that accursed place, a pox upon it. Read More The Shittiest Princess and the Twelve-Toed Suitor