You Must Risk: Casual Sex and the Heart of the Matter

Q. How can I be promiscuous without contracting anything? How do I hack this? I want to get out there and have amazing adventures with wonderful, memorable people, and I’d also have sex with those people. But I do not want to catch anything. Ideally, I’d like to give handjobs in the beginning until he has time to get tested. (If he’s already been tested, cool! I’ll give it up sooner.) But I do not know how to finesse the situation. Is there something short and simple I can say? Maybe something like, “I practice safe sex, so let’s just get each other off and then if things work out we’ll go get tested and get tapas after.”

Maybe my problem is that I broke up with someone I was in love with and now I’m scared I’ll never love again. Whatever. Tell me what to do please and thanks! Read More You Must Risk: Casual Sex and the Heart of the Matter

This Week in Misogyny is Drinking MRA Tears

Raise your hand if you’re mad as hell at the Supreme Court right about now. Yup, thought so. To find out who else you should be mad at this week, let’s take a look at the rest of the news. (As usual, trigger warnings for pretty much everything apply.) Read More This Week in Misogyny is Drinking MRA Tears

No is a Complete Sentence

Q. Is it bad to have friends with benefits? I am new to having sex as of a year or so ago, and I’ve only had sex with two people, many times. I’m only 18, but the two people I’ve had sex with were (and are — I’m having sex with someone presently) not my boyfriends. Is it bad if I’m just trying to learn? Should the guy always be the one to teach the girl? Read More No is a Complete Sentence

Mind the Gap: Casual Sex’s Orgasm Dilemma

Q. Is it bad to have friends with benefits? I am new to sex as of a year or so ago, and I’ve only had sex with two people. I am only eighteen, but the two people I’ve had sex with are not my boyfriends. Is it bad if I’m just trying to learn? And should the guy always be the one to teach the girl? Read More Mind the Gap: Casual Sex’s Orgasm Dilemma

Awkwardette’s Ill-Advised Guide to Getting it On: How to Survive Doing a Friend

We’ve all probably watched way more romantic comedies than we’d like to ‘fess up to. Truth is, romantic comedy is my favorite genre. It was good enough for Shakespeare and Tennessee Williams (The Glass Menagerie is a romantic comedy, right?), so it’s good enough for me. One problem: as much as the When Harry Met Sallys of the world make me laugh and feel giddy and good inside temporarily, they fill my brain with an impressive amount of bullshit. I’ve had to unlearn a lot of this bullshit, especially in 2011. 2011 was a particularly difficult year for “friends with benefits” learning, and I’m not even talking about the creepily similar J Tims and Ashton Kutcher vehicles on the subject that both came out this year alone and were so rife with terrible advice and false ideals that I can’t even really address it further – so here is my attempt to set us straight on doing it with friends.

A Learning Experience

Q: Is it bad to have friends with benefits? I am new to sex as of a year or so ago and I’ve only had sex with 2 people many times. I am only 18, but the two people I’ve had sex with were/are (I’m having sex with someone presently) not my boyfriends. Is it bad if I’m just trying to learn, and should the guy always be the one to teach the girl? Read More A Learning Experience

Remember the Yucatan: A Review of “Sex At Dawn”: How We Mate, Why We Stray and What It Means For Modern Relationships

“The sciences of human nature tend to validate the practices and preferences of whatever regime happens to be sponsoring them. In totalitarian regimes, dissidence is treated as mental illness. In apartheid regimes, interracial contact is treated as unnatural. In free-market regimes, self-interest is treated as hardwired.” Louis Menand Read More Remember the Yucatan: A Review of “Sex At Dawn”: How We Mate, Why We Stray and What It Means For Modern Relationships

“How Can I Get Past My Past?”

Q: I’m feeling bad about my sexual history. I don’t have that many previous partners, but I have had a one-night stand and some other casual sex. My boyfriend has been with me and one other serious long-term partner. He hasn’t asked to know about my sexual history beyond us talking about if we’d both been tested. Read More “How Can I Get Past My Past?”